Hello, I'm a TRA - ask me anything

[AlphaTransWoman]

Good evening,

I'm a transgender rights advocate. I say "advocate" rather than "activist" because I believe in constructive debate and consensus building rather than the hostile, shouty kind of activism that gets us nowhere.

I am here because I am genuinely interested in seeing if there is some kind of compromise that can be reached between pro trans and gender critical views. Obviously this is difficult because we may disagree about something pretty fundamental. I feel passionately that trans women are women (at least in the psychological and social sense), so there's an obvious divide if you do not.

The question is, can we find ways to co-exist and find an acceptable way forward on some of the difficult issues that arise around trans acceptance? So I'm happy to have a go answering anything you care to ask in good faith. Who knows, we might even make some progress.

I don't want to be mean because you do just sound confused, OP.

But it needs saying: You are not a woman. You will never be a woman. But why even try? You can live a happy life wearing nice clothes/doing/loving as you like all day long.

I prefer to be a woman, and I don't see why that is a problem

As a pp pointed out, that you don't see what the problem is, is the problem. If you pretend to be a woman (for you are a man) this causes issues for women. All women's spaces are by definition women's spaces. You admit you are still seen as male. I have a seven year old daughter. Is she going to come out of the toilet stall and see you at the sink? Why should she? Because you are not as competitive as other males, because you are more emotional than other males? FFS.

Why exactly should she see a male in the women's toilet?

I do not consent, nor does she.

Do you really have no idea how sexist you sound? You don't really know what it feels like to be a woman if anyone even does, because gendered experiences of girls are being sexualised by men from 11, the male gaze, constantly told we are rude or to be kind when we point out unwanted male attention, periods, pregnancy. So you cannot feel like a girl as these are the things that give us the stereotype of gender.

Men can be caring, can be midwifes or doctors, stay at home dads, teachers. They don't need to be competitive. Some women are very competitive. You are reinforcing damaging stereotypes. Your problem is toxic masculinity not being born in the wrong body. Bodies can't be wrong they just are and personality can be anything.

I am not a man.

Let me give you an analogy. Suppose you were brought up in a strict religious group, some kind of cult, say. As an adult you decided to adopt a different faith, or none at all. But people around you keep insisting that you were still a member of that cult and followed it's beliefs, even though you constantly insist to everyone this is no longer the case.

How would you feel about that?

Denying me the right to be a woman is bad enough. Calling me something I definitely am not is far worse.

It's not a value judgement on your personality. If you have XY chromosomes you are a man. Even post op.

Denying me the right to be a woman is bad enough.

Why does a man have the right to be a woman?

Oh, that analogy just doesn't fly. At all. Because there is no similarity between opting out of a religious belief and changing sex. Which isn't possible, of course.

If being a "man" is not a value judgement on someone's personality, why does the statement "act like a man" have any logical meaning?

You are a man, however much you don't want to be one.
Nobody can confer on you the "right" to be a woman. No man has that right.

Please come on.

You can change your religion - and your gender, since they’re both just what’s in your head.

You cannot change your sex.

You cannot become a woman.

You can expand the bandwidth of what it means to be a man, though. That’s progressive.

Unlike the offensive, regressive sexiest stereotypes you trotted out upthread.

And this is why it used to be in the dsm.

If being a "man" is not a value judgement on someone's personality, why does the statement "act like a man" have any logical meaning?

Thats a saying, not a legal instruction.

Men are men, however the act.

"Unlike the offensive, regressive sexiest stereotypes you trotted out upthread."

That's odd. I recall pointing out a number of highly commendable pro-social traits in woman and indicating how much I admired them.

Ok. This post is going to be problematic because as a man you are allowed to use the word cult, but as a woman using the word cult in respect to trans ideology could get me deleted (in the FWR board, maybe not in AMA). Great being a woman, hey?

Your sex is not a cult it is a reality. Nature is a bitch. Insist all you like, reality will slam you in the face and maybe take a few teeth out.

Calling you a man is just speaking the truth. I am not trying to be horrible, just trying to explain how your love of wearing 'nice things' does not make you a woman. Please, please try to imagine how insulting your posts are, to women.

It's very sexist to say all women are pro social. Fuck that. I personally act like a man as much as possible, self promote, take the agenda, never ever ever would I eg make the tea. I'd ask for more money. Still a woman though.

I find the arrogance of a man - who doesn’t have the first clue of what it actually means to be a woman (see all the biological indicators that dictate our lives that I mentioned upthread - menstruation, contraception, pregnancy and childbirth, being physically weaker, menopause, etc, etc, etc) - telling us that he is à woman to be deeply, deeply offensive.

You offend me, @AlphaTransWoman. you don’t have the first clue.

It doesn't have any logical meaning.

It just refers to a stereotype of what men are supposed to be like in our society. It's how we are socialised. It's brainwashing of a kind.

Men have XX chromosomes. People with XX chromosomes can be kind, supportive, competitive, rational, whatever. They can wear dresses and make up. They can do all that. I wish they would.

What they can't do is become XY.

You stereotype, sexualise and fancy them. That's not admiration.
Pro-social?? Not being competitive? Happy to submit to a supporting role? Fuck off with your offensive bullshit

Stop being so sexist. Please just stop.

You are behaving in a profoundly gender-normative way. You really are. Male - in case there was any doubt.

It is always disappointing to realise that the motivator is always these regressive sweeping stereotypes about women (and men). It's a shame you don't realise that it says more about you and your background, @AlphaTransWoman than it does about the nature of men and women.

I'm genuinely curious about something.

Why does any suggestion of innate differences between men and women, however positively the (supposed) female traits are described, provoke such a negative reaction from many women?

I'm not suggesting that women are somehow "inferior" - just different to men. And surely diversity is something we can celebrate?

It must be difficult to be a man who dislikes male stereotypes and feels more positive towards and attuned with female stereotypes.

Because those stereotypes seem to have become a rather effective prison for anyone who feels they have to conform to them but don't want to.

It says a lot about how powerful the prison is when some men can't decide to stop conforming, instead they decide to be women. Which they obviously can't be.

I'm not including in this the men who are using the current way of things to exert more power over women by deliberately invading their spaces.

I don't consider myself male because I don't subscribe to male values.

What the fuck are male values? You are part of the problem because you are trying to reinforce gender stereotypes.

The truth is it's all about clothes, hair and makeup isn't it. This is what it always boils down to.

Here's my question. What couldn't you do as a man that you can now do as a 'woman'?

@AlphaTransWoman can't you empathise and use your caring supportive nature to fathom out why your comments have produced a negative reaction? No?

Those supposedly innate differences between women and men are what have and continue to be used to repress and control women. Don't you know that?? Really?

"Here's my question. What couldn't you do as a man that you can now do as a 'woman'?"

Smile when I look in a mirror. If you aren't trans, you have no idea how wonderful that is.

Why does any suggestion of innate differences between men and women, however positively the (supposed) female traits are described, provoke such a negative reaction from many women?

Because you're wrong. The traits you have delegated as 'womanly' only apply to women with those traits. They will also apply to many men.

For example - list the traits you think men have and women don't.