Hello, I'm a TRA - ask me anything

[AlphaTransWoman]

Good evening,

I'm a transgender rights advocate. I say "advocate" rather than "activist" because I believe in constructive debate and consensus building rather than the hostile, shouty kind of activism that gets us nowhere.

I am here because I am genuinely interested in seeing if there is some kind of compromise that can be reached between pro trans and gender critical views. Obviously this is difficult because we may disagree about something pretty fundamental. I feel passionately that trans women are women (at least in the psychological and social sense), so there's an obvious divide if you do not.

The question is, can we find ways to co-exist and find an acceptable way forward on some of the difficult issues that arise around trans acceptance? So I'm happy to have a go answering anything you care to ask in good faith. Who knows, we might even make some progress.

I have a male body but I don't have a male mind. I don't consider myself male because I don't subscribe to male values. Man card cut up and shredded.

I'm not sure why that is conceptually difficult.

Wrong body. It's no fun.

It would be great if men collectively stopped physically, verbally and sexually assaulting women. We probably wouldn't mind them in our spaces so much then. But we have to deal with the world as it is. And so, we collectively ban all men/ male bodied/penis havers from our protected spaces so as to keep the bad ones out. ALL men. Not just the comfortably masculine ones.

Maybe this is an example of what the OP means by psychological and social aspects of being a woman, or what they think those are.

I'm generally polite to people I don't know, that's just manners, but as for caring about them and their feelings....no, not really, why would I?

What is a male mind though? I promise you I’m not being obtuse, I just don’t understand. What are these male values that you don’t subscribe too and the woman values that you do subscribe too?

What on earth are "male values"?

How would one find out whether one's mind is 'male' or 'female'? Can you specify even one trait that is unique to one gender?

What is conceptually difficult is why, having decided you don't have a male mind (really!) - you've concluded you must therefore have a female one.

It's difficult because you won't give examples about what a male or female mind is, about what those specific psychological and social aspects of being a woman are. What about a male value, can you give an example of one?

I have a male body but I don't have a male mind. I don't consider myself male because I don't subscribe to male values.

What is a male mind?

What are male values?

I think ultimately is is about men tending to be more competitive and rational while women tend to be more cooperative, empathic and emotional. Men generally like to be assertive and in charge of things, women are more likely to to be kind and take a supporting role.

Obviously this is a very broad generalisation and there are outliers. But it's difficult to live as a "man" if your values and personality are too strongly aligned with the "woman" qualities, or vice versa.

I've always been attracted to women and wanted be be a woman from a very early age because I value feminine traits over masculine ones. I also love the way women like to be attractive and wear nicer clothes.

That's just me. I prefer to be a woman, and I don't see why that is a problem.

I have a male body but I don't have a male mind. I don't consider myself male because I don't subscribe to male values. Man card cut up and shredded.

Again. You are trying to make male and female, man and women words without any definition.

Everyone has a different mind therefore there is no such thing as a female or male mind.

Without theses definition, there is no womens rights.

"I think ultimately is is about men tending to be more competitive and rational while women tend to be more cooperative, empathic and emotional. Men generally like to be assertive and in charge of things, women are more likely to to be kind and take a supporting role."

This is everything that as a feminist from a young age I have been fighting against. This stereotyped bollocks. Don't you understand how misogynist this kind of thing is, to tell women that they are just a bunch of stereotypes about being supportive and kind (!). WTF.

I think ultimately is is about men tending to be more competitive and rational while women tend to be more cooperative, empathic and emotional. Men generally like to be assertive and in charge of things, women are more likely to to be kind and take a supporting role.

What a load of absolute fucking bollocks.

I knew this #bekind shit would be in there somewhere.

Are you actually for real, OP, or is this a wind up?

I'm a bit confused here. Surely misogyny is defined as a hatred of women.

"cooperative, empathic and emotional" don't sound like the sort of thing you would say about someone you hated, do they?

ultimately is is about men tending to be more competitive and rational while women tend to be more cooperative, empathic and emotional. Men generally like to be assertive and in charge of things, women are more likely to to be kind and take a supporting role
this is utter nonsense. Who the fuck thinks like this?

men tending to be more competitive and rational
generally like to be assertive and in charge of things

You see how these are broad generalisations because you admit that. Women can be competitive too. Women can be assertive.

I also love the way women like to be attractive and wear nicer clothes.

Er, not all women. OH NOES... does that mean I am a man???

Honestly, do you hear yourself?

Honestly OP, and this is probably hard to hear, but if you don't feel you align with male values then you need to be the male to step up and show that males can have other values too! Not easy, but nothing in life is. Reading what you've written makes me feel that you are in effect hiding from being male by identifying with being female instead.

I think it falls more under the ingrained prejudice aspect of misogyny. And you're not saying it about someone, you're saying it about all women. We are not a single entity.

Now Alpha, I’d like to thank you for taking the time to respond to me but my God, this is just such bullshit.

Do you know nothing about feminism and what it stands for? Let’s go along with these generalisations for one moment so that I can ask you this. Did you ever stop and think, ‘I can continue being and living as a man even if I don’t believe my views align with a typical man?’ What made you think, ‘oh fuck it, I’m empathetic, emotional and kind so let me go and join the women over there?’

What in your mind then makes you think, ‘ah well I guess I’ve found my people so I’m one of them now and I can’t be denied.’ Is that not delusion? And again, I’m trying to be respectful here but your response has clarified what I thought all along. The reasoning for ‘being a woman’ is one that makes no sense at all. You’re focusing on traits that relate to individuals and are somehow mixing that up with sex to change the narrative.

I’m off to bed now because my brain is so confused I almost feel gaslighted!

Edited: typos

Holy fuck OP! You just demonstrated beautifully that you do indeed have a male mind after all!! Congratulations! It's men who thought those things of women and who for centuries have been putting us in our place, not to be competitive and telling us we are not rational and expecting us to be cooperative supportive and empathic. In fact those women who weren't those things were cast out, mocked and even killed by men. BTW telling us all women like to be attractive and wear nicer clothes is a huge fucking sexualised stereotype perpetuated by straight men. Turns out you do have a male brain to match your male body! Whoop!

I think ultimately is is about men tending to be more competitive and rational while women tend to be more cooperative, empathic and emotional. Men generally like to be assertive and in charge of things, women are more likely to to be kind and take a supporting role
Sweet suffering Christ 🤯

Here is the issue. Believing you are a woman because of ingrained sexism.

Actually just reinforcing sexist stereotypes.

That's just me. I prefer to be a woman, and I don't see why that is a problem
And that is the bloody problem 🤦‍♀️

I am very clear that trans women are women.

I acknowledge, however, that we don't necessarily look like other women, and in some cases have upper body strength closer to male than female norms. So we can't really share some intimate spaces (eg changing rooms and hospital wards) with other women. Neither can we compete in some female sports.

But as women we too deserve our dignity. I'm not prepared to undress in front of men, any more than most other women. Which is why private gender neutral spaces are key.

I hope this clarifies things.