Hello, I'm a TRA - ask me anything

[AlphaTransWoman]

Good evening,

I'm a transgender rights advocate. I say "advocate" rather than "activist" because I believe in constructive debate and consensus building rather than the hostile, shouty kind of activism that gets us nowhere.

I am here because I am genuinely interested in seeing if there is some kind of compromise that can be reached between pro trans and gender critical views. Obviously this is difficult because we may disagree about something pretty fundamental. I feel passionately that trans women are women (at least in the psychological and social sense), so there's an obvious divide if you do not.

The question is, can we find ways to co-exist and find an acceptable way forward on some of the difficult issues that arise around trans acceptance? So I'm happy to have a go answering anything you care to ask in good faith. Who knows, we might even make some progress.

Your third category would still have the same issue - anyone would be able to identify into it.

I definitely support more private provisions in public life, having male, female, and single access spaces - for anyone who prefers them, so it can be T, it can be people with health conditions/social anxiety/father with a daughter.

While I see woman to mean adult human female, I don't feel we have exclusive rights for dresses - so I have no problem with you wearing them as a men. And I enjoy company of great cooperative and caring men in my life. Maybe you can look for nice guys in your surroundings, just to get some inspiration.

Hearing what is said about prison culture, the idea that any men I know would have to be part of that if something happened is terrible. I really wish there was a safe way to separate violent and nonviolent inmates.

Generally, it is interesting to see how you are trying to escape men's stereotypes -many women here have the opposite experience, trying to escape women's stereotypes.
Thanks to feminism, I managed to escape stereotypes and remain woman. Seems men need something similar, something which would give you right to be yourself while being a men.

I would add my point that society considers it very shameful for men to show the traits I have identified as "feminine", thus a person with such traits may be more comfortable presenting and living as a woman.

Yes, I do acknowledge this, there was a bit of chat about it earlier in the thread. I completely understand that one man saying 'maaate, why can't we all be a bit more sensitive?' isn't necessarily going to change the world!

I think my view is - I accept that people want to be seen as the other sex. People DO treat the sexes differently regardless of what they are actually like, it's shit but sometimes you have to work around this. Recognise where it isn't appropriate to be treated as female (medical situations, sports, etc) and where sex matters, be honest about it, but where it doesn't, present how you like.

It muddies the waters, and borders on dishonest, when the concept of 'I'm really a woman because my personality is like this, which is why I deserve to be treated as a woman in all situations' is brought in. I don't get why we need this concept of gender identity - it's used as a shorthand but is problematic.

"Society" isn't one homogenous lump. Maybe the loudest voices get heard the most but clearly they don't represent everyone. There are tonnes of "feminine" men, it's not really that weird.

Look at how homosexuality has become more socially accepted over the last generation or so. Obviously, it's not done and dusted, homophobia is still a very big threat. But we have come a long way. I think with concerted effort the same can be done with gender stereotypes - yet so many people seem to NEED to cling onto them.

I have no idea how old you are OP, and I think for younger people the world can seem a scary, shouty, place. As you live through your life you meet more people that don't fit any template, you realise the template was just something taught to children.

I would add my point that society considers it very shameful for men to show the traits I have identified as "feminine"

The society that I move doesn't. My DH has many of those traits. Kindness, empathy, co-operation, etc. So does my DS and his mates. I don't know what sort of people you have associated with but that's not my experience at all.

@popebishop
Thank you. A lot to think about. I’m in my 40s but I’m neurodiverse and struggle sometimes with people related issues.

I would add my point that society considers it very shameful for men to show the traits I have identified as "feminine", thus a person with such traits may be more comfortable presenting and living as a woman.

You talk a lot about womens clothes and presenting as a woman. I think you want to wear womens clothes and are using personality traits as an excuse or reason.

Its funny how women can wear practically anything, but men cant wear womens clothes without being noticeable. But i dont think its an accident. Women had to cope with lots of social pressure when wearing trousers, but men didnt bother doing the same for dresses and high heels.

Women had to work to be allowed to wear the clothes we do today. Hell, women had to work for everything. Not so long ago, women were property. They still are in some parts of the world. Women are tough and resilient.

Just look at the male and female roles in reproduction. What does a man have to do - ejaculate. What does a woman have to do to bring that child to life - a fuck lot more. More stamina, more pain, more endurance. Women are tougher than men.

Why do you assign all this repressive shit to women. If you want to be meek and mild and submissive, be a man. Especially a white man. You have everything. You were given it all, you never had to work for a thing.

And let's face it, you know you're not a woman. Even though you claim to 'feel' it in your head, your posts belie you.

"I always try to act in a way that I feel is appropriate for a woman."

"I really like women, I think they are amazing and I desperately want to be one."

These are your words OP.

You have somehow got in your head that certain traits make a woman. You are wrong about that as this thread has shown you. Those traits that you designate to women are rejected by us. That is something that you have made up, not our real life experiences.

You have had no good role models throughout your life, male or female. If you had you would have seen admirable traits in both males and females. You would have seen negative traits in both too.

Being a woman is just her sex. Coping with her sex against all the odds is what makes her strong. You will never have those experiences. To you it's just hair, clothes and make up. You could not be more wrong.

And that's why you're not a woman. You have no idea of what it is to be a woman.

I have one more thing to say because this thread might fill up before I come back to it.

ND can often explain why a person expresses an adherence to stereotypes.

That might be something worth looking into OP.

I also have one last thing to add before the thread fills.

OP, I am also Neurodiverse. I felt different all my life. As a girl, I didn't fit in and was a tomboy and never udenitified with the 'usual girly things'. At the age of 52 now, I am happy with who I am. I know why I feel different and why I don't necessarily fit with some societal norms. I embrace that now and I allow myself to be who I am and the thing that finally made me happy was to totally accept my neurodiversity as I'm not trying to shoehorn myself into being something that other people expect me to be. I'm just me.

There are an awful lot of Neurodiverse people who feel different. Unfortunately at the moment, ND kids are being told that perhaps it's because they are in the wrong body. I do not agree that it is and find that very harmful. Not conforming to gender stereotype and having a ND brain is fine. Thankfully, my 11 year old ND daughter also sees that this is fine. She also sees the trans ideology movement as quite damaging to ND souls and fully embraces her ND self without any need to fund 'another' reason why she doesn't particularly fit in. She's not born in the wrong body and neither am I. We just think and see things slightly differently. I'm not saying that can't be tough in a world built for Neurotypicals, but we love ourselves - just as we are.

Stop. It.

Are you always advocating for male prisoner's rights, or are you like so many MRAs only interested when you think you can use it as a "gotcha" * when trying to persuade women you're part of a special gang?

*it isn't

in the past, of course, non submissive women were (in no particular order, and not an exhaustive list)

shut up in nunneries
married off to some king/prince/baron far far away from home
forced to wear a scold's bridle
ducked
burnt at the stake
walled up in churches

You aren't identifying into any of that, you know. You may just need to find a dom and have a nice relationship, wearing your silky dresses and acting like a 50s housewife for all i care.

You are not now, and never will be a woman. And the quicker you wrap your head round it and start to reassess your life the better for you, i feel.

Your idea of a women is stuck in the male misogyny of the 1950s though, a role women were forced into by men.

we have also fought very hard not to have to be pigeonholed into skirts and heels. Watching an FBI programme now it occurred to me that unlike on X files were Scully was always in a skirt and heels, nowadays the female actresses much more wear the sane as the male counterparts comfortable shoes and trousers and much more suitable

and I agree entirely with @RainbowZebraWarrior that is an issue ath the heart of this. Being told you are in the wrong body is seen as a fix - but it is fixing a problem that doesn’t exist. It is ok to be different to not conform to stereotypes, indeed sometimes it is better.

rather than changing our gender we should be questioning why on Earth we have created these stupid notions in the first place.

and if you read any threads about trad wives, women judge for other women for being submissive as after all we have fought so hard not to be.

but then do you actually mean submisdive

”Why do you assign all this repressive shit to women. If you want to be meek and mild and submissive, be a man. Especially a white man. You have everything. You were given it all, you never had to work for a thing.”

@WallaceinAnderland is 100% spot on here, @AlphaTransWoman.

I will repeat what I have said several times - women have fought to be free of these regressive stereotypes, so if you care even the smallest iota about actual, biological women, you will stop promoting those toxic stereotypes as a good thing.

Interesting thread.

Thank you @AlphaTransWoman for being willing to answer some questions.

It is encouraging to see a trans woman who appears to understand why women might need single sex spaces, and who adopts a cautious approach to medical transitioning for children.

I have read all your posts and I found the experience a little frustrating, because although you do appear to respect and empathise with women, at least more than the average TRA, when it comes down to the million dollar question "what is a woman?" you fall back on stereotypes. The idea that there is such thing as a male brain or a female brain is something many feminists strongly reject.

I have a question for you about identity.

You say that it is very important for you to be able to identify as a woman, and not be called a man. You also use the word "female", apparently divorced from biological sex.

My question is this.

If I want to refer to myself as being a member of the childbearing sex, and to have a word for myself and other members of my sex which includes all members of my sex and excludes all members of the opposite sex, i.e. I want to define myself strictly by reference to my sex and not by reference to gender identity, which is not something I believe in, what words can I use?

If trans women must refer to themselves as "women" and even "female", it seems to me that there are no longer words in the English language to describe what I am.

Do you understand why, as a woman, I find this post deeply offensive. Some women like to be attractive. Some don't give much of a shit. We're not a hive mind. It's not that there are outliers yonyour stereotypes, it's that they're nonsense. Perpetuating harmful myths about women is profoundly wrong.

In terms of the harm, what do you think about the fact that the old fashioned view you describe here is leading children to feel that they need to take medication which will reduce their life span with no evidence that this improves their wellbeing?

Do you care that if the concept of woman is reduced to the stereotypes you outline here, you've excluded a lot of women from their own category?

That's just me. I prefer to be a woman, and I don't see why that is a problem.

this from OP.

40 pages in. Hundreds of posts explaining. But in the end it comes down to the feelz and outdated sex(ist) stereotypes. It is infuriating.

I think ultimately is is about men tending to be more competitive and rational while women tend to be more cooperative, empathic and emotional. Men generally like to be assertive and in charge of things, women are more likely to to be kind and take a supporting role.

Piss right off with your 'supporting role' bullshit. What a load of sexist claptrap. We are not in the 1950s. I think this is just your role-playing fantasy speaking.

Mine too. OP maybe the problem is in the company you keep? Perhaps it would be helpful to mix with people who have more modern ideas.

I would really like OP to stand in front of Sharron Davies, Jess Ennis, Laura Kenny and tell them that they aren't competitive. And all of them, outside of destroying their sporting competitors, "conventionally" attractive "feminine" women

I don’t think @AlphaTransWoman does understand why this is so offensive, @literalviolence - despite people doing their very best to explain it on this thread. I also don’t think he cares about the effect that TRA ideology has on biological women and girls, as long as he gets to live out his fantasy of being a submissive, gentle, caring woman.

I'm not the person you asked but personally no. We are sexually dimorphic. there are two sexes. We should aim for a place where men, and women, aren't held back by stereotypes. Investing scant energies in a third sex space will undermine progress and will end up costing everyone. It's never progress to say a man shouldn't be able to wear a frock

without being in the least bit caring.

But you do want to be like Myra Hindley, Rose West, Margaret Thatcher?

Even if segregation were needed, the Tw can share with each other and other men who are assessed to present no risk. I agree that everyone should be safe in prison so obviously that means no males in women's prisons.

If you're convicted of a crime like Amy's then tough. If you're convicted of fraud or something you can share with other TW convicted of similar level offences or other males who won't present a risk convicted of similar offences.