Hello, I'm a TRA - ask me anything

[AlphaTransWoman]

Good evening,

I'm a transgender rights advocate. I say "advocate" rather than "activist" because I believe in constructive debate and consensus building rather than the hostile, shouty kind of activism that gets us nowhere.

I am here because I am genuinely interested in seeing if there is some kind of compromise that can be reached between pro trans and gender critical views. Obviously this is difficult because we may disagree about something pretty fundamental. I feel passionately that trans women are women (at least in the psychological and social sense), so there's an obvious divide if you do not.

The question is, can we find ways to co-exist and find an acceptable way forward on some of the difficult issues that arise around trans acceptance? So I'm happy to have a go answering anything you care to ask in good faith. Who knows, we might even make some progress.

Hey OP I think if you start threads in AMA it's general etiquette to work through the questions and have a stab at answering them. Bit late for me now but if you're genuinely interested and prepared to explain what you mean then stick around and chat another time in the Feminism topic.

Do you believe that women should have the right to single-sex provision for healthcare? Same question for rape crisis support?

@AlphaTransWoman do you realise that to a huge proportions of TRAs you are actually a terf?

Second question, can you all stop calling women who object to anything at all TERFs please? There is a massive difference between being GC (gender critical) and being a TERF (trans-exclusionary radical feminist).

While we're on labels, why is it okay for a trans person to determine their own identity as a trans person, label themselves any way they want and demand everyone refer to them like that, but it's not okay for a natal woman to not want to be defined as "cis" by other people and to want to label themselves any way they want?

Your whole thing is labels matter. Why don't women's labels and self-determination matter?

I look, and feel, ugly and unfeminine for reasons I now can't do anything about.

I would think that this is what most women experience at some points in their life. It sucks but that's largely because we are expected to be feminine and beautiful purely because we were born female. Appearances shouldn't affect who we actually are as people.

We're only on page 5 of a thread that just started tonight, so I'm confused by comments about derailing anything.

Don't worry about that- women can be ugly and unfeminine too you know! I'm a particularly hairy, stocky and flat chested one with no neck. You can model yourself on me!

The op started the thread in Feminism sex and gender

I've never been called one of those before.

Wherever you are on the spectrum of opinion, chances are there are people further to the extreme. Some people call Donald Trump a "liberal".

I'm sure you look better than me. I look like a bloke 😥

Why do you imagine that is?

I am not calling you it. Which is why I said TRAs would. Not that I would

But by saying there are times trans women shouldn’t be accepted 100% as women, other TRAs wouldn’t accept you as a TRA.

They would call you a terf and tell you you have internalised transphobia.

My point being you are here to ask if there’s a middle ground. GC females aren’t refusing to meet on middle ground. It’s not GC women who are making this all or nothing.

Being a TRA you must know the Opinions of other TRAs. Why are you trying to portray that your views align with TRAs.

I don't use gyms or swimming pools, unless I know that some sort of private changing facility is available. Being trans is a PITA in that respect, but as a woman I care about other women's feelings.

So you never use a public bathroom. Never leave your him for more than a few hours. You don’t work outside your home?

You are avoiding the question. I didn’t ask if you use swimming pools. I didn’t ask if you go to the gym.

I ask what facilities you use when you are out. You say you hate using women’s bathrooms. Can I take it you hate it, but do use them if you need to? Since you ‘can’t’ use mens?

In which case you don’t care about women’s feelings.

What are more moderate TRAs doing about the extremists in their ranks who sew banners telling women to "kill yourselves" or announcing that they want to "punch a TERF"? Is there some policing going on here that we don't see? Because they are giving you all a very bad impression and only other TRAs could sort this major issue out because the extremists don't listen to anyone else.

I mean, if my friend went out to a parade with a banner that said "all penis-havers should be castrated" or something, I'd have a quiet word with her.

This was originally posted in the sex & gender topic, I’m guessing MN moved it to AMA for whatever reason

"as a woman I care about other women's feelings" - I mean, what is this sort of thing meant to be doing? Women don't automatically care about other women. People of either sex should be aware of their impact on other people, for whatever reason that is.

Women have the full weight of patriarchal socialisation thrust upon us from birth, with the idea that it's a woman's role to put other's needs first often at the expense of her own needs.

This was originally posted in the sex & gender topic, I’m guessing MN moved it to AMA for whatever reason

Fair enough. My questions will, again, remain unanswered!

I believe that gender identity should be a human right and we should not be policing who is and who is not allowed to call themselves a "woman".

Gender identity is stereotypes. Nobody should police what people wear, do, etc. But stereotypes do not make a woman. Women are female, a human that produces (or is of the reproductive class that can produce) eggs. If you are of the class of humans that produces small gametes (sperm) then you are male and that's ok. Wear what you like. Do what you like. Love whoever you like. Nobody should be policing that.

Enjoy who you are. Don't try to be something you are not, that will never make you happy. Proudly flounce into the men's toilet, because it is your human right and we should not be policing what type of man is allowed. "Humiliated"? Any man who questions your presence should be humiliated for not accepting you there!

It would be great if all men decided to stop fighting wars and committing crimes as well. But we have to deal with the world as it is.

Sadly, it'll probably be answered extensively on Twitter in the coming days by Brianna of Hull who really wants to punch a TERF.

But we have to deal with the world as it is.

Apart from redefining what “woman” means?

But we have to deal with the world body as it is.

Except TRAs don’t want to deal with the world as it is.

They want women to accept that trans women are women and should have access to all women’s spaces. No exceptions.

It appears TRAs have no issues with trying to force women to accept the presence of trans women on their spaces. No issues with telling lesbians that sam sex attraction is transphobic, which is wildly homophobic. No issue with telling women they need to change their views.

But they do have an issue with expecting men to change their views and their actions.

TRAs are happy to deal with the world as is when it comes to men. But want women worlds to change to accommodate. That sounds entirely centred around biological males.

I’d really like to know and try to understand why a man (presumably like yourself) can genuinely believe that they’re a woman? What steps have you taken to become a woman? What have you done that makes you a woman?

If I want to be a trans man, can I just become a man despite the fact that I have a vulva and vagina? Even if I took testosterone and had surgery to change my bits and pieces, surely that doesn’t make me a man? What would I need to do to become a man?

I just don’t get it. I think everyone should live their life as they please, wear what they want, speak how they want and be happy. I don’t think that means telling yourself that you’re now a woman and everyone should treat you as if you’re one. How can I wake up tomorrow on Sunday morning and just believe that I’m a man? I’d really appreciate your personal view on this OP because I feel as if I’m missing something. I just don’t understand it