Hello, I'm a TRA - ask me anything

[AlphaTransWoman]

Good evening,

I'm a transgender rights advocate. I say "advocate" rather than "activist" because I believe in constructive debate and consensus building rather than the hostile, shouty kind of activism that gets us nowhere.

I am here because I am genuinely interested in seeing if there is some kind of compromise that can be reached between pro trans and gender critical views. Obviously this is difficult because we may disagree about something pretty fundamental. I feel passionately that trans women are women (at least in the psychological and social sense), so there's an obvious divide if you do not.

The question is, can we find ways to co-exist and find an acceptable way forward on some of the difficult issues that arise around trans acceptance? So I'm happy to have a go answering anything you care to ask in good faith. Who knows, we might even make some progress.

Why do you think those stereotypes are favourable to women?

My experience of them, as a woman, is "be kind, be co-operative" = "put up and shut up" " do as you're told" "don't disagree with men because they are better than you"

@Terfosaurus

I think co-operation and kindness can achieve many great things. Which is why I believe a matriarchal society would be better in many ways than the one we have at the moment.

It's possible for men to exhibit co-operation and kindness too, you know.

Googled famous people who are known for being kind and this was the first result. 8 out of the 10 are men.

I think the main take away for me is just how hostile some women are to the idea of gender stereotypes, even if those stereotypes are on the face of it favourable to women - eg "women are kind", "women are co-operative" etc.

These steretypes are not favourable to women just because in your opinion they are. Every single thing you say smacks of male entitlement.

I don't need to be cared for. I'm not a child. Women have been literally treated as children historically, it's a deeply disturbing concept.

I don't have an idea of womanhood. I am just a person, a human, who happens to have female biology. That female biology means I'm vulnerable to attempts to control me by men, and can cause me some physical issues that are specific to women only. That's all. The fact that I am female tells you (the general you) fuck all about me or my personality or my capabilities or my behaviour. To assume it would is grossly sexist.

I'm not hostile to stereotypes.

I think it's harmful to advocate for changes in law based on your own personal undefined prejudices towards protected characteristics which are factually incorrect.

I'm sure you would be hostile to anyone else claiming their own "observations" of characteristics if they happened to be ones of yours.

"by someone other than me"....

Right. But can you not see that those stereotypes haven't been used positively in the past?
Not to mention that men can also be kind and co-operative.

They aren't inherent female behaviour, girls are taught them from a young age. Girls are expected to sit quietly whereas "boys will be boys".

By saying you're a woman because you exhibit those behaviours you are reinforcing the gender stereotypes we are trying so hard to break down.

And again, the stereotypes are NOT favourable to women, actual biological women. The stereotypes - that we reject - have been forced upon us to keep women in their place, discriminate against us, sexually abuse and harass us. When are you going to understand that? Just because you like the veneer of being a woman, and pretend that you are one, until you experience the negative impact of those stereotypes and understand why we have fought so long to reject them and overthrow them, you will never understand what it means to be a woman.

I think the main take away for me is just how hostile some women are

Kind of proves how wrong you've been with the "women are kind", "women are co-operative" etc. doesn't it.

We've been telling you this but you seem a bit slow to learn.

Q:When was the last situation you changed your behaviour to avoid the possibility of being raped?
OP:Never, but I've changed my behaviour, travel plans etc, on many occasions to avoid getting beaten up by random thugs.

and that is so NOT the female experience. You have NEVER changed what you do to avoid rape. Never changed how you dress, walk, sit. Never changed where you go, checked you have an exit, smiled politely, accepted a touch so as not to push the situation into something more. Women don’t primarily worry about Being “beaten up”. At the first touch rape is what they fear.

OP: But women have lovely traits that I value like kindness and cooperation.

PP: These have been used for centuries to oppress us.

OP: But I value them. Why are some women so hostile to being seen as having traits that I think are good traits?

PP: Because of the toxicity of gender stereotyping that affects both women and men.

OP: But I value them.Why can't you accept these positive traits?

Ad infinitum.

@AFieldGuideToTrees

Thank you. I need to think about this a lot more. I really like women, I think they are amazing and I desperately want to be one. But maybe I am thinking about this the wrong way?

That’s because the stereotype you are buying into is “ woman as decorative objects”. You find that sexually arousing , it’s a fun game for you. You can stop it any time you like and go back into “ boy mode “.

You don’t see at all interested in the “ women as universal carers / support humans “ stereotype . I will take transwomen a lot more seriously when I meet one who

dresses in exactly the same clothes as women of the same age ( usually Jeans, trainers and tee shirt )

took a 13% pay cut when they transitioned

used to have a good job but gave it up to serve their husbands career and raise the kids

works back shifts on the till in Tesco to fit around their husband and children

spends their weekends caring for their elderly MIL while their husband plays sport

spends more time asking me about my life / interests than they do telling her about theirs

is kind, empathetic and unselfish

isn’t racist and doesn’t seek to exclude Muslim and orthodox Jewish women from public life

@INTERNETEXPL0RER

"isn’t racist and doesn’t seek to exclude Muslim and orthodox Jewish women from public life"

I can't let that one go. True, I don't meet any of your other criteria for being a "good" trans woman, but I'm absolutely opposed to racism.

You just said upthread that you use women’s safe spaces! That stops women from some traditional religions from doing sports / trying on clothes in shops / having a coffee with their friends because they can’t use the bathroom.

And it’s not about being a “ good transwoman “. It’s about being a woman . Neither good or bad. Just being.

Because thats the reality of many women’s lives in our culture yet no transwomen seem interested . It’s all about hair , make up, high heels, stockings, baby dolls, pyjama parties and sets of breasts. its women as decoration.

That has nothing to do with 99% of most women’s lives.

You don’t seem to give a flying fuck about being kind, while extolling it as some type of womanly virtue.

Every post you type oozes with male entitlement .

@INTERNETEXPL0RER

I'm getting tired of repeating myself. I only use the women's toilets if there is no accessible or other gender neutral toilet available. This is for my personal safety. Also, I should not be using the men's toilets because I am not a man.

If you must know, I do. So that's one. And I'm pretty sure I'm not the only woman with a penis.

And that makes these facilities inaccessible to Muslim women. Your actions impact disproportionately and negatively on these women. that’s the definition of racism!

you don’t need to use women’s toilets for your safety, transwomen are safe in the mens. Crime figures show your fears are imaginary. It’s not about safety, it’s about your validation.

You don’t care who you are excluding from public life as long as you get your jollies. It’s despicable.

OK sorry but that's just daft. If another person chooses to misgender me and decides not to use the ladies because I'm there, then that is her problem and not mine. End of.

You're not a woman.

You don’t think that dismissing the teachings and cultural practices of Islam or Orthodox Judaism as “ just daft “ is just a teeny tiny bit racist?

And it’s not a “ choice “ for many women , it’s a cultural and religious requirement or imperative.

You are the one with the choices, not them. You choose to piss all over their rights to participate in public life for your own validation.

Me me me me me me me.

Which is exactly why we do not want you in our single-sex spaces.

Get out and stay out.

They might have mis-gendered you (meaningless), but they certainly wouldn’t have mis-sexed you.