Page 15 | Hello, I'm a TRA - ask me anything

AlphaTransWoman · 2023-10-14T21:25:19+00:00

Good evening, I'm a transgender rights advocate. I say "advocate" rather than "activist" because I believe in constructive debate and consensus building rather than the hostile, shouty kind of activism that gets us nowhere. I am here because I am genuinely interested in seeing if there is some kind of compromise that can be reached between pro trans and gender critical views. Obviously this is difficult because we may disagree about something pretty fundamental. I feel passionately that trans women are women (at least in the psychological and social sense), so there's an obvious divide if you do not. The question is, can we find ways to co-exist and find an acceptable way forward on some of the difficult issues that arise around trans acceptance? So I'm happy to have a go answering anything you care to ask in good faith. Who knows, we might even make some progress.

MinxJinx · 15/10/2023 15:42

Terfosaurus · 15/10/2023 15:34

This thread has been interesting. I'm off to tell my DS' that they are actually transwomen. Because almost everything @AlphaTransWoman has said about their personality (not being competitive, being gentle and compassionate or whatever they were) also apply to them.
We always thought they were effeminate men. But clearly not.

Quite.

DH is going to be quite surprised when I let him know that, according to the OP’s definition, he is in fact a woman.

Silly DH, he just thought he was an individual, with an individual personality, who happened to be a man.

I guess I should let the children know too.

DS is kind, sensitive and always loved looking after his dolls and pushing them in the pram. He is also partial to a bit of glitter nail polish and looking after his skin.

DD wouldn’t be caught dead in anything resembling feminine clothes and would only touch ds’s dolls if she was planning on having her toy dinosaurs eat them after the dragons roasted them.

This bullshit ideology is built on such outdated stereotypical bollocks that I’m not surprised it’s starting to sink.

StarlightLime · 15/10/2023 15:42

Second question. I can't speak for others, but I personally found changing my gender such an upheaval that I would only want to do it once! Having said that, society should of course aim to accommodate genderfluid people and third spaces would be a great way to do that
What a strange response. What sort of "upheaval, exactly? And you haven't actually answered the question.

BernardBlacksMolluscs · 15/10/2023 15:46

appropos of nothing, it's worth remembering the existence of auto gynaephilia, where men are sexually aroused by perceiving themselves as women, and that often (100% of the time in my experience) goes hand in hand with enjoying submission and humiliation

AFieldGuideToTrees · 15/10/2023 15:47

AlphaTransWoman · 15/10/2023 15:07

No. I do not believe there are any innate differences in personality and psychological makeup between members of different races. Therefore the idea of a person having a mindset or personality typical of a particular race is illogical and offensive.

I do, however, believe there are fundamental differences between the sexes, arising from the evolutionary roles of males as hunters and warriors and women as caregivers. This gendered division of labour has existed for thousands of years in the vast majority of societies in the world, and I believe this is partly due to innate differences in the ways in which mean and women think.

This would only be "sexist" if we also assume that one gendered role is somehow "superior" to the other. I reject this. Gendered roles are complementary and both are vital. There is, however, a problem insofar as a small minority of people find a mismatch between their personality and their body type. Nature sometimes makes mistakes.

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I do, however, believe there are fundamental differences between the sexes, arising from the evolutionary roles of males as hunters and warriors and women as caregivers. This gendered division of labour has existed for thousands of years in the vast majority of societies in the world, and I believe this is partly due to innate differences in the ways in which mean and women think.

Uh oh...

Women were hunters article

Thing is, OP, it all falls apart because our assumptions of the evolutionary gender roles of early humans are influenced by the gender roles imposed on men and women over hundreds of years, and which many adhere to today, and therefore carry an inherent bias towards men being hunters and women being gatherers.

Men are hunters, women are gatherers. That was the assumption. A new study upends it.

The implications are potentially enormous, says history professor Kimberly Hamlin: "The myth that man is the hunter and woman is the gatherer ... naturalizes the inferiority of women."

https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2023/07/01/1184749528/men-are-hunters-women-are-gatherers-that-was-the-assumption-a-new-study-upends-i

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 15/10/2023 15:50

Having said that, society should of course aim to accommodate genderfluid people

By 'genderfluid', do you mean people who might do/wear/say some things which are more aligned with traditionally male stereotypes one day, then some that are more stereotypically female on another day? If so, I'm pretty sure that's called just being a regular human being.

ArabellaScott · 15/10/2023 15:51

How do you feel about those people who find cross dressing arousing, OP?

This is generally the elephant in the room.

We are not allowed to mention it, but seeing as this is AMA, do you think a man who finds it arousing to dress as a woman is a transwoman?

AFieldGuideToTrees · 15/10/2023 15:55

I can't tell whether you are a man, a woman or non binary. Only you can do that. This is why I would respect your gender identity and preferred pronouns once you had advised me of your gender.

I don't have a gender, I have a sex.

When forced to state a gender and pronouns on online forms (such as my local college for a night class!) I put down male and he/him. Why not? Gender's a social construct, so I may as well construct more nonsense since it won't allow me to state that I have no gender.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 15/10/2023 15:56

I'm curious about something. If, as you suggest, I'm only pretending not to think that female roles are 'inferior', why on earth would I want to live as a woman?

Because putting on womanface while still being male, and having gone through life so far as a man, involves choosing the bits of being a woman that you like the sound of, and not bothering with the bits that don't sound so fun. Oddly enough, when we read transomen's enthusiastic posts about finally becoming the woman they always knew they were, this doesn't seem to involve a thirst for doing more housework or being paid less.

StarlightLime · 15/10/2023 16:00

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 15/10/2023 15:56

I'm curious about something. If, as you suggest, I'm only pretending not to think that female roles are 'inferior', why on earth would I want to live as a woman?

Because putting on womanface while still being male, and having gone through life so far as a man, involves choosing the bits of being a woman that you like the sound of, and not bothering with the bits that don't sound so fun. Oddly enough, when we read transomen's enthusiastic posts about finally becoming the woman they always knew they were, this doesn't seem to involve a thirst for doing more housework or being paid less.

👏👏👏

AFieldGuideToTrees · 15/10/2023 16:05

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 15/10/2023 15:50

Having said that, society should of course aim to accommodate genderfluid people

By 'genderfluid', do you mean people who might do/wear/say some things which are more aligned with traditionally male stereotypes one day, then some that are more stereotypically female on another day? If so, I'm pretty sure that's called just being a regular human being.

An older lady I know posted on her Insta account something along the lines of she didn't understand why single cublicle toilets were called gender neutral toilets, surely they were just toilets.

Someone obviously warned her she was talking in wrongspeak because she deleted her post, but I read it and thought, yeah, they're just regular toilets, no need for any extra wording because everyone can already use them.

Chickenfeed67 · 15/10/2023 16:22

“I'm curious about something. If, as you suggest, I'm only pretending not to think that female roles are 'inferior', why on earth would I want to live as a woman?”

i wouldn’t like to say I know the answer to this one, or mention any acronyms that will get my post deleted, but I will say that there are a surprising number (or maybe unsurprising, depending on how you look at it), transwomen who open up Only Fans accounts after transitioning. Funny, that…

ILikeDungs · 15/10/2023 16:35

Question for OP-- Have you also identified as a lesbian?

Original poster

AlphaTransWoman · 15/10/2023 16:35

ArabellaScott · 15/10/2023 15:51

How do you feel about those people who find cross dressing arousing, OP?

This is generally the elephant in the room.

We are not allowed to mention it, but seeing as this is AMA, do you think a man who finds it arousing to dress as a woman is a transwoman?

This is a tricky one.

Firstly, not all people who find cross dressing arousing identify as women. If they identify as men they are not trans women. Conversely, it is wrong to assume that all or most trans women experience this.

There is however an overlap between this group and trans women. I think erotic fantasies about cross dressing could develop in a person born male with gender dysphoria who attempts to suppress their feelings, particularly if society is giving them the message that these feelings are shameful.

I therefore don't think that the presence of a cross dressing paraphilia invalidates a trans woman's gender identity or means she should be treated differently from other trans women. However, when in public, she should dress appropriately for the situation she is in, just like any other woman. It goes without saying that inappropriate sexual behaviour from such a person is just as unacceptable as it would be for anyone else.

OP posts:

Original poster

AlphaTransWoman · 15/10/2023 16:41

ILikeDungs · 15/10/2023 16:35

Question for OP-- Have you also identified as a lesbian?

I happen to be attracted to women, so as a woman this would logically make me a lesbian.

However, I am realistic about the fact that very few lesbians (whether trans or not) are likely to find me attractive or wish to be in a relationship with me. This is because lesbians are attracted to female bodies and, despite my best efforts, mine is unlikely to ever be sufficiently feminine for this to happen.

This is one of the consequences of being transgender, and one has to learn to live with it.

OP posts:

StarlightLime · 15/10/2023 16:43

I happen to be attracted to women, so as a woman this would logically make me a lesbian.
Oh dear God 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

ArabellaScott · 15/10/2023 16:43

There is however an overlap between this group and trans women

Yes. Is a woman obliged to share a space with a transwoman who finds cross dressing arousing? Is a woman obliged to share space with a male fetishist?

SirChenjins · 15/10/2023 16:45

AlphaTransWoman · 15/10/2023 16:41

I happen to be attracted to women, so as a woman this would logically make me a lesbian.

However, I am realistic about the fact that very few lesbians (whether trans or not) are likely to find me attractive or wish to be in a relationship with me. This is because lesbians are attracted to female bodies and, despite my best efforts, mine is unlikely to ever be sufficiently feminine for this to happen.

This is one of the consequences of being transgender, and one has to learn to live with it.

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No, it makes you what you exactly what you are - a man who’s attracted to women. The fact that lesbians aren’t attracted to men is what makes them lesbians. Obviously.

Original poster

AlphaTransWoman · 15/10/2023 16:45

ArabellaScott · 15/10/2023 16:43

There is however an overlap between this group and trans women

Yes. Is a woman obliged to share a space with a transwoman who finds cross dressing arousing? Is a woman obliged to share space with a male fetishist?

I've already covered the issue of sex specific spaces and explained that I share women's concerns about these.

OP posts:

FluffMagnet · 15/10/2023 16:49

Reading all your posts OP, it is incredibly obvious that you have not grown up as a woman. You may want to live what you deem to be "feminine" qualities but it is evident from all your replies that you haven't the foggiest how those qualities (or simply the assumption that, because of my sex, I will hold those qualities) have been and continue to be used to subjugate, abuse, demean and push women out of society. The very idea of awards for women in business and all-woman shortlists being simply because women need a boost to their confidence is laughable and unbelievably offensive. As is the assertion that it is acceptable for you to be afraid of harm from men, but biological women cannot be afraid of biological men just because you personally mean them no harm.

Just for a moment consider the history of feminism and how many women have fought against being stereotyped with the much maligned qualities you so admire. Imagine how we now feel being told the progress we made against these stereotypes is now sprinting back to the 1950s, because you now cannot be in the right body unless you align yourself to these qualities.

popebishop · 15/10/2023 16:53

AlphaTransWoman · 15/10/2023 15:10

I can't tell whether you are a man, a woman or non binary. Only you can do that. This is why I would respect your gender identity and preferred pronouns once you had advised me of your gender.

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No, you're wrong. I can't do that, because you refuse to tell me how you differentiate between man and woman.

Once you do that, actually communicate clearly what you personally understand to be man or woman, then I can tell you.

So what is it? If i asked you (again), as you understand the word, what do I need to look at within myself to determine if I am a man, by your understanding and use of the word.

I assume if I said "to me, a woman is a person of either sex who regularly votes Tory", you would still be able to tell me whether you fall under that definition or not? Or are you happy for everyone to interpret "woman" differently - so person A assumes women's toilets, sports, prisons etc are exclusively for Tory voters, person B assumes they are exclusively for "kind people", person C assumes they are exclusively for cat owners, person D for female people, person E for male people.

If everyone is free to imagine their own definition, then the word conveys no meaning. It is meaningless. Is this what you are trying to say? That "woman" is literally meaningless? Because if not - give it meaning.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 15/10/2023 16:53

From the men hunters / women gatherers article:

"Now a new study suggests the vision of early men as the exclusive hunters is simply wrong – and that evidence that early women were also hunting has been there all along."

There all along. But presumably skipped over because it didn't fit with the prevailing narrative.

ILikeDungs · 15/10/2023 16:54

I happen to be attracted to women, so as a woman this would logically make me a lesbian.

Thank you for answering. "Logically" it makes you heterosexual. You feel like a woman in your head, but that is personality not sex. You cannot claim to be a lesbian. Your sex is male and you are attracted to the female sex. So far, so predictable.

popebishop · 15/10/2023 16:59

I do, however, believe there are fundamental differences between the sexes, arising from the evolutionary roles of males as hunters and warriors and women as caregivers. This gendered division of labour has existed for thousands of years in the vast majority of societies in the world, and I believe this is partly due to innate differences in the ways in which mean and women think.

Just to be clear then - you believe anyone who is female, and does not conform to 'feminine' stereotypes is a man? So probably most people in the world are transgender, unless they are female and tick off every stereotype in their culture, and then change personality when moving to a different culture and tick off stereotypes in that one?

Also - I can't actually believe I'm asking this - you think historically, male people are hunters and warriors, and females caregivers - because of their types of thinking, and not their body types? That's.... that's quite something. Can you think of literally anything else that might explain why men do the physical warrioring vs the women, other than 'they think along those lines'?

Ffsnotaconference · 15/10/2023 17:01

AlphaTransWoman · 15/10/2023 16:41

I happen to be attracted to women, so as a woman this would logically make me a lesbian.

However, I am realistic about the fact that very few lesbians (whether trans or not) are likely to find me attractive or wish to be in a relationship with me. This is because lesbians are attracted to female bodies and, despite my best efforts, mine is unlikely to ever be sufficiently feminine for this to happen.

This is one of the consequences of being transgender, and one has to learn to live with it.

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No you aren’t

Lesbians are same sex attracted. Not same chosen gender attracted. You are attracted to the opposite sex.

Trying to change the definition of the word lesbian and trying to suggest you are one is deeply homophobic

BernardBlacksMolluscs · 15/10/2023 17:03

SirChenjins · 15/10/2023 16:45

No, it makes you what you exactly what you are - a man who’s attracted to women. The fact that lesbians aren’t attracted to men is what makes them lesbians. Obviously.

Edited

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we really are in cloud cuckoo land here aren't we?