Hello, I'm a TRA - ask me anything

[AlphaTransWoman]

Good evening,

I'm a transgender rights advocate. I say "advocate" rather than "activist" because I believe in constructive debate and consensus building rather than the hostile, shouty kind of activism that gets us nowhere.

I am here because I am genuinely interested in seeing if there is some kind of compromise that can be reached between pro trans and gender critical views. Obviously this is difficult because we may disagree about something pretty fundamental. I feel passionately that trans women are women (at least in the psychological and social sense), so there's an obvious divide if you do not.

The question is, can we find ways to co-exist and find an acceptable way forward on some of the difficult issues that arise around trans acceptance? So I'm happy to have a go answering anything you care to ask in good faith. Who knows, we might even make some progress.

Also - I can't actually believe I'm asking this - you think historically, male people are hunters and warriors, and females caregivers - because of their types of thinking, and not their body types? That's.... that's quite something. Can you think of literally anything else that might explain why men do the physical warrioring vs the women, other than 'they think along those lines'?

Evidence suggests (see the article I posted a link to) that women also did the hunting, we just overlooked it.

[Because of the current gender biases we have!]

Well obviously, if you don't accept that I am a woman, you aren't going to regard me as a lesbian.

So you believe you changed your sex by simply believing it to be so?

I think sex is largely a state of mind, yes.

This is not a conclusion I came to lightly, by the way. It took over four decades of trying to live as a "boy" and then a "man", finding my ability to be happy and at piece with myself constantly defeated. Then I figured out I had to live as a woman and have felt a lot better ever since.

Obviously one person's testimony only has so much value, but clearly I'm not alone in feeling this way. I'm a woman and that's just how it is. I'm sorry you can't see that.

I think people would accept that you live as your idea of what you think being a woman is. But clearly that doesn't actually make you one, or require anyone else to agree with you. Why do you think we should or even must accept that? Why do you care if we don't accept it?

I think sex is largely a state of mind, yes.
You're openly trolling us now, op...

Btw - This is not a conclusion I came to lightly, by the way. It took over four decades of trying to live as a "boy" and then a "man", finding my ability to be happy and at piece with myself constantly defeated. Then I figured out I had to live as a woman and have felt a lot better ever since.

What was the process (above and behind smiling at yourself in mirrors) involved in "living as a woman instead of a man"?
Can you break it down for me, please.

Don't make generalisations, broad or otherwise.

All my life, i have had to fight not to be pigenholed into doing stereotypically "girl" things that i didn't want to do, and not being allowed to do stereotypically "boy" things. (so not allowed woodwork and had to do needlework instead)

I have been discriminated against because of my sex, can't identify out of that, but i have to accept that men will identify into my gender and take the jobs, the plaudits and so on without dropping the 17% of their salary etc etc.

If people had taken on board the fight against gender stereotypes the 2nd wavers kept banging on about you would be able to express your feminine side and not be part of something that has caused many women emotional distress and worse.

How do you propose to get other TRAs (and i notice how you conveniently changed the meaning of that in your first post) on board with third spaces?

Ok, I think I got it. You get to define who you are and you also get to define who we are based on your method of dividing people into two categories according to their, what did you call it, 'psychological and social sense'?

And you ideally want us to agree with your method so that you and your buddies can use our women only spaces.

Realistically you have to know that is not going to happen because there is no benefit for women, only detriment. You shouldn't even be asking really.

If you are scared of using men's facilities, why do you want to open up female spaces to ALL men? It just doesn't make sense and goes against safeguarding. Women are also entitled to dignity and respect. So I think you need to forget the idea of women being the solution for you.

You said that you were campaigning for third spaces. Can you link to your campaign so that we can get on board as we would certainly help to lobby for that. Also, men need to accept male bodies in their spaces, regardless of how that person dresses, so you need a campaign to address this. Again, give us the details and we will help, sign petitions, etc.

sex is largely a state of mind

I don’t know whether to laugh at that or be genuinely concerned for you. You’ve just spent 4 decades of your life conflating sex and societal gender norms - you poor man.

@AlphaTransWoman You aren't living as a women though, you are just pretending, playing dress up. You have no idea what it is like to be a women, so you can't say you "feel" like a woman beacuse you have absolutely no idea what that actually feels like and you never will! That isn't me trying to hurt you, this is me simply telling you the truth.

@Brefugee Snap!

A feminine body does not equate to a female body. There is a huge difference in those words. You can certainly be feminine as the man that you are, you will never, ever be female.
Just so we're clear, you need to be FEMALE to use women's spaces. And just so we're doubly clear, every gc woman would applaud you being as FEMININE as you like, proudly, as a MAN.

What was the process (above and behind smiling at yourself in mirrors) involved in "living as a woman instead of a man"?

Yeah I've asked twice. We're not getting an answer to that one.

Because the answer is hair, clothes and makeup. It always is. Every time.

What do you mean ‘largely’? So not completely?

You believe biology just changes because you believe it has? DNA changes, bone density, muscle mass and so on?

Your point of view is deeply homophobic. It’s harmful. You are denying same sex attraction. Why do you believe you have the right to call yourself a lesbian? Why would a biological man think it’s ok to label themselves a lesbian when lesbians have been so badly treated by men.

Lesbians do not centre men. And yet people born male believe they have a right to decisive they feel part of that group and, again, try and force women to centre men.

You believe you can change your sex enough to call yourself a lesbian but not enough to feel comfortable using women’s bathrooms.

Pull the other one.

It's interesting isn't it that if women were the gatherers, why "traditionally" are farmers men, and their wives the "farmers wives" still at home doing the housework and childrearing....

I therefore don't think that the presence of a cross dressing paraphilia invalidates a trans woman's gender identity or means she should be treated differently from other trans women.

You think he should not be treated differently from other transwomen because you are a man and have no grasp of just how horrifically skin-crawlingly creepy being faced with a cross dressing paraphiliac in private spaces is to women. I do, I am a woman and I've been there.

It is understood that paraphilias 'cluster'. If a man is a cross dresser he may very likely have many odd sexual (put that word here that we are not supposed to use on FWR, starts with 'f' and make it a plural). That sure sounds like you are happy to see men with paraphilias in women's spaces, since you admit to using women's loos, for example, when you have to. According to you at first it was just the men who have women thoughts who could use our spaces if the disabled was not free. Now it's also men who can have deeply disturbing sexual fantasies? And how do we know they are even Trans, not just random cross dressers? Anyone else on your list of who gets a pass?

Good men stay out so bad men stand out.

Btw I am not repeating 'men' so many times just to rile you, honestly, OP. But sometimes we have to be clear with language and use of women's spaces is one of those times.

Correct. We don't choose our chromosomes. They determine whether we'll be a woman or a man. This happens at the moment of conception.

Woman is the word for a female human.

Man is the word for a male human.

In other species, for instance:
Sheep - Ewe, Ram
Cattle - Cow, Bull
Rabbit - Doe, Buck
Chicken - Hen, Cock
Fox - Vixen, Dog

None of those words refer to psychological characteristics, social behaviours or personalities. They're just terms to distinguish the two reproductive categories within a species. The females of some species are extremely aggressive and violent; it doesn't mean they are male. Their reproductive category is female: the egg-producing sex. Some males are docile. As they're of the sperm-producing category, we don't change their species-sex designator to 'doe' or 'hen'.

In exactly the same way, a sweet-natured male human is a man. He was destined to become a sperm-producer when the egg absorbed a sperm with a Y chromosome. All this means is that he'll probably produce sperm as an adult, and will definitely not produce eggs. He will have the physical configuration of a human male, the strengths & vulnerabilities of human males, within the range associated with his sex. He's a sweet-natured man. That's it.

To believe a gentle, passive, caring nature defines a woman is not only grossly reductive and sexist; it's also plainly false. It would mean his personality altered his sex from male to female. His body can't produce eggs. His Y chromosome destined him to produce sperm - whether he can or not, he's of the male sex. And the word for human males is 'men'.

Personally, I'm really glad that docile men and aggressive women exist. Part of the glorious variety of human life is that we all have the full range of psychological potentials, each of us with an individual mixture. I think that's worth celebrating.

Well obviously, hair, clothes and makeup have all be significant factors in my transition. And they do make me feel a bit better about myself when I look in the mirror, that is true.

I've also changed my name etc (felt weird at first), had a lot of laser hair removal (ouch, but worth it) and am now taking hormones. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to have a real set of breasts if you've lived for several decades without one.

I think the best thing was the clothes. Walking into the office for the first time wearing a woman's suit and blouse made me feel amazing, liberated and powerful. Everyone was commenting on how wonderful I looked.

So yes, I felt a LOT better about myself when I transitioned.

So you dressed up. Put on a woman costume.
I wish I'd put a bet on at Ladbrokes that this would be the answer, I could have cleaned up.

And perhaps it’s worth saying that this

Well obviously, hair, clothes and makeup have all be significant factors in my transition

Isn’t at all a factor in femaleness/womanhood for women. Women are female when their hair falls out, is cut or filthy, they are female butt naked, in scrubs or in dungarees, they are female whatever paint they put in their bodies. These cannot be part of being a woman, because they are nothing to do with sex.

I think this is stumbling block for me. What IS living as a woman?

Sorry, i admit I might be stupid, so please explain to me. What have clothes and hair got to do with being empathetic, which is what you say a woman is?

What is the link between hairless and personality traits? Or is "woman" something to do with the physical body after all?

A Great Post.

You're a Tory voter? Yes, lots of people do become one after a few decades.

I think sex is largely a state of mind, yes.

I know I say this a lot, but you've really got to wonder how these people think babies are made

I think sex is largely a state of mind, yes.

Oh come now, OP, this is just mindnumbingly silly. 😂