Hello, I'm a TRA - ask me anything

[AlphaTransWoman]

Good evening,

I'm a transgender rights advocate. I say "advocate" rather than "activist" because I believe in constructive debate and consensus building rather than the hostile, shouty kind of activism that gets us nowhere.

I am here because I am genuinely interested in seeing if there is some kind of compromise that can be reached between pro trans and gender critical views. Obviously this is difficult because we may disagree about something pretty fundamental. I feel passionately that trans women are women (at least in the psychological and social sense), so there's an obvious divide if you do not.

The question is, can we find ways to co-exist and find an acceptable way forward on some of the difficult issues that arise around trans acceptance? So I'm happy to have a go answering anything you care to ask in good faith. Who knows, we might even make some progress.

I'm also grateful to @devondad1 for reminding us that some trans people have very different perspectives to my own.

Did we need reminding or did he just assume it?

You do not get to chose the definition of woman.

Women get to chose that.

You are not a woman.

I refuse to go along with this fantasy world so many people have tried to create.

No. This damages girls and women. We are allowed our boundaries.

Also, I've given you my views about the psychological differences between men and women and why I consider myself to be female. I realise your views may differ from my own significantly. I explained my position on this because several of you asked me to to so, not because I wanted to upset or offend anyone.

No you didn't. I asked how you distinguish between men and women, and you haven't given a proper answer. At least don't post dishonest things.

How do I know if I am a man or woman? Specifically? I can be competitive and emotional.

It's utterly bizarre that so many people are so sure there are traits that only a man can have, and traits that only a woman can have, and they use this to determine exactly who and who isn't a man, yet can't name any such traits?

Op said it only applies to some people not all, so "rational vs empathetic" can't be the only rule of thumb they use.

I don't understand the reluctance to analyse or scrutinise your own thinking, to have any interest in figuring out what you even think before telling everyone else they need to organise society around it.

I don't understand the reluctance to analyse or scrutinise your own thinking, to have any interest in figuring out what you even think before telling everyone else they need to organise society around it
👏👏👏

You are not a 'trans rights advocate', OP. There is no right that trans identified people need that they don't already have. Can you name one? What you want to do is trample over women's rights and boundaries to seek external validation that you are a woman. That is incredibly and unforgivably selfish. You have no affinity with women, that much is clear.

Yes, it's never struck me before how damaging and horrible it is to young boys and men to suggest to them that if they are compassionate or sensitive or caring or any of those traits that this means they are somehow less male, or not male.

I had just imagined anyone telling this to my son and how angry I'd be with them.

And we actually have a whole ideology pushing this horrific idea on children, backed by government, medics, media and celebs.

That girls must be compliant and pretty and kind and nice, and boys must be hard and strong and macho.

If they're not, they must 'fix' their bodies with hormones and surgery, because their minds are in the 'wrong' body. What a horrible, horrible and cruel thing to tell a child. To tell anyone.

It's emphasising how damaging, ghastly and manipulative the whole edifice of genderism is, all over again.

@AlphaTransWoman my sex was determined at conception as female, therefore as I survived childhood I’m now a woman, but if I think that’s a bit pants cos I’m not <insert stereotypes> but I am <insert stereotypes> can I be a transwoman and be not passed over for promotion, given all the asspats for being brave and stunning, have people actually listen to me, and not give a shit that my wants are riding roughshod over someone else’s needs?

Jesus wept. Why do you think women need to do anything to meet your needs?

No. I do not believe there are any innate differences in personality and psychological makeup between members of different races. Therefore the idea of a person having a mindset or personality typical of a particular race is illogical and offensive.

I do, however, believe there are fundamental differences between the sexes, arising from the evolutionary roles of males as hunters and warriors and women as caregivers. This gendered division of labour has existed for thousands of years in the vast majority of societies in the world, and I believe this is partly due to innate differences in the ways in which mean and women think.

This would only be "sexist" if we also assume that one gendered role is somehow "superior" to the other. I reject this. Gendered roles are complementary and both are vital. There is, however, a problem insofar as a small minority of people find a mismatch between their personality and their body type. Nature sometimes makes mistakes.

I can't tell whether you are a man, a woman or non binary. Only you can do that. This is why I would respect your gender identity and preferred pronouns once you had advised me of your gender.

Woman is not a personality trait

No that’s factually incorrect.

The sex you are is not feeling. Being a woman is not a feeling.

If you can’t answer ‘what is a woman?’ You can’t possibly feel you are one.

No. I do not believe there are any innate differences in personality and psychological makeup between members of different races. Therefore the idea of a person having a mindset or personality typical of a particular race is illogical and offensive.

Why is that offensive but it's fine to say that there are separate personality/psychological traits that belong to women and to men. Does that mean that if I'm not a warm, nurturing person, I'm not a woman? I find that offensive.

This would only be "sexist" if we also assume that one gendered role is somehow "superior" to the other. I reject this. Gendered roles are complementary and both are vital.

Ha - so, for example, it's fine to say that women are naturally more nurturing and houseproud, so it's only natural that (low-paid) jobs in the care sector (which many men would regard as demeaning), and the bulk of all housework, are done predominantly by women, as long as men pretend they don’t think those tasks are inferior?

We should be eradicating gender roles, not embracing them with renewed enthusiasm and using them to justify putting people back in their old-fashioned, stereotyped boxes! Gender identity and gender roles are literally nothing but stereotypes!

This is why I would respect your gender identity and preferred pronouns once you had advised me of your gender.

I don't have a gender. I have a sex. If you claimed you couldn't tell what sex I am on meeting me, you'd be lying.

I do, however, believe there are fundamental differences between the sexes, arising from the evolutionary roles of males as hunters and warriors and women as caregivers.

Said every misogynist person in my life ever when I said I’m not born and bred to make some man’s tea, and carry and care for his children.

Get to fuck with that noise.

You are a man by your voice, privilege, protection, and prejudice and I do not want you in women’s spaces, let alone recognise your voice as female fml

I do not believe there are any innate differences in personality and psychological makeup between members of the different sexes. Therefore the idea of a person having a mindset or personality typical of a particular sex is illogical and offensive

There, fixed that for you and you’re absolutely right - it’s illogical and offensive to claim that that mindsets or personalities are solely attributed to sex or race. Now, you obviously believe in gender identity and that social norms dictate how men and woman are viewed by society, and as a man you’re right to challenge the fact that men are expected to be macho and so on - but you can’t opt out of that by claiming you’re a woman. You’re not, you never will be - you have literally no idea what it is to be a girl and then as a woman. You are a trans identifying male which is your right - but men don’t have the right to claim womanhood.

What you are exhibiting here are the centuries old male traits which have dictated how society must view women - this determination to dismantle womanhood for your male benefit is one of the many ways in which which you demonstrate your inherent maleness. This is nothing more than a further development in the power structures of the patriarchy.

He’s got fundamentally irrational beliefs

(said in my head in the ‘he’s got germs’ voice Olivia Coleman did on that Mitchell and Webb look)

nothing is going to change his mind

all we can do is reverse the institutional capture so that the grown ups are clear about how sexist and batshit this all is

First question. The answer is yes. I've discussed this with other TRAs who consider third spaces to be demeaning and othering, but I can't see another way. I wouldn't want to be on a hospital ward with other women because I would be worried about the distress my presence might cause.

Second question. I can't speak for others, but I personally found changing my gender such an upheaval that I would only want to do it once! Having said that, society should of course aim to accommodate genderfluid people and third spaces would be a great way to do that.

This thread has been interesting. I'm off to tell my DS' that they are actually transwomen. Because almost everything @AlphaTransWoman has said about their personality (not being competitive, being gentle and compassionate or whatever they were) also apply to them.
We always thought they were effeminate men. But clearly not.

I suspect OP, along with the special appearance of Devondad, is on a bit of a wind up.

But they do demonstrate how laws were changed based on nothing - I feel x, x is a female trait, therefore im a woman.

How barmy are politicians to be taken in by this nonsense? And we trust them with the economy and wars.

The bravest and best politicians are the ones who will admit its all based on a lie and do something about it. I wonder if any exist?

So you're telling me that I have a gendered role and not to worry about it little lady, because isn't it amazing! It just so happens that your gendered role, the shit one, is complimentary to the gendered role that men take! How about that! Who'd have thunk it. Well, that's just bog standard misogyny. No thank you.

@AllProperTeaIsTheft

"Ha - so, for example, it's fine to say that women are naturally more nurturing and houseproud, so it's only natural that (low-paid) jobs in the care sector (which many men would regard as demeaning), and the bulk of all housework, are done predominantly by women, as long as men pretend they don’t think those tasks are inferior?"

I'm curious about something. If, as you suggest, I'm only pretending not to think that female roles are 'inferior', why on earth would I want to live as a woman?