I'm queer. AMA?

[Throwaway4Water]

Using a throwaway account for this.

Hey Mumsnet, figured more queer rep was needed on this site.
I'm Genderfluid, which is under the trans umbrella and means my gender is fluid and changes often. I'm also Asexual, and currently questioning my romantic attraction.
Anything phobic will be ignored (I know what this site is like when it comes to trans people) as well as anything I deem too personal. Now, AMA! :)

Why bother doing an AMA if you just say you can't explain how it feels? But you expect us to empathise fully?

This was my question and it's a valid one, how can one change sex but not ethnicity?

^What does feeling different genders feel like?

I don't know if I feel like a woman, I just am a woman.

How does gender fluid differ from ethnicity fluidity? Could my black DH one day say he feels white? Why is that different to gender? He has white heritage but he "presents" as black^

I believe that neurodivergent people are less likely or able to hide gender impulses that may differentiate from their agab.

Can you define gender impulses? What are they, how does a person demonstrate a gender impulse?

If I don’t consider myself to have been assigned a gender at birth would you consider me non binary?

@Buythebag40 Okay, I worded that kinda badly xD
What I mean by that is whether I want to be reminded I have breasts or not. Since being masc and also constantly aware I had breasts is a horrible feeling that I hate. If I don't mind them, I just wear a bra. If I do mind them, I wear a binder.

Have you ever heard the expression " time on your hands and yourself on your mind?"
If you get a full time job and an active social life , you might find yourself spending far less time pondering about your 'gender'.

OP you say you correct anyone who misgenders you, but how do you know if someone is using the 'wrong' pronouns?
I don't use pronouns when talking to someone, only about them.

Can you explain how you align being queer with being Asexual?

If being asexual is not being attracted to anyone regardless of sex/gender then how can someone also be queer which is connected with sexuality?

@SmellyWellyWoo It's a hard feeling to describe. I can just... wake up as a boy, or a girl, or "ew gender", or "yes pls all the gender" (which is the worst bc how tf do I adhere to that? lol). Best thing I can come up with is I ask a question to myself, my body answers back, and I act accordingly, usually by putting on a binder first if I'm masc-leaning or a just a regular bra if I'm femme-leaning

I remember clearly absolutely hating my breasts when I went through puberty and hiding under huge baggy jumpers in all weathers, is that something you can relate to OP?

@donquixotedelamancha "in the sense I'm using it"? I don't quite understand what you mean, but if you mean what I am as of typing this, I'm masc and using he/they pronouns😊
I mean in this context that sometimes I'm a boy, sometimes I'm a girl, sometimes I'm neither, sometimes I'm both, and sometimes I'm all of them(those are tiring days lol).
And I'm an adult, and that's as specific as I'm gonna go. Don't wanna dox myself too much ¯\(ツ)/¯

Finding this hard to grasp really

I mean I always hate breasts / female body for example , and I'm not traditional feminine in interests and outlook . I'd have been male by choice . I still frequently dream as me -as a man

But I see no point in making something of it - id like people to accept me as I am without the need to give visual clues in how I might dress for example / because if they are using those clues then they are living by stereotypes Which is wrong

And I would rather one healthy body even if it is the wrong type than an unhealthy one

I sort of feel that I have spent a life showing that there is no constraints on how you can be a woman , and a focus on gender realigns women to a narrower way of living

@ComtesseDeSpair In my gender specifically? No. In learning about gender identity and expression and stuff? I always care about educating others if they want to be educated. Teaching people makes me happy, and in some ways can help me learn more about myself.
My identity and expression are a big part of myself, but it's not the only thing that defines me. It's just the part that the most amount of people need more education about.

@MrsPnut I do a lot of art in my spare time, traditional or digital, and I play a lot of video games and tabletop games. I also write stories and poetry and pet a lot of cats😄

@TinselAngel with a lot of struggle. And swearing probably.

Okay, but the definition of non-binary can’t exist with a binary for it to be in opposition to. So identifying as non-binary assumes that there are at least some people who do identify within those binaries. Do you see what I mean? So you might not personally be making assumptions about, say, Nigel who lives next door, but you are making that assumption in general that someone somewhere has an innate and fixed sense of gender identity in order for the binary to exist, whenever you state that you are non-binary.

@Ohsugarhoneyicetea Sex has nothing to do with my gender identity, and... not really? It all still fits into a chest of draws and the rail above. About 50-70% of my clothes are mens clothes for the bagginess when I need it, but I'd say I have the same amount of clothes as other people. My clothes just happen to be a mix of mens and womens.

@JaneJeffer It stands for assigned gender at birth :3

Actually, starting this thread indicates that you’ve assumed that your gender identity and sexual orientation is sufficiently unusual and different to the majority of posters on mn to generate interest and questions.

@Auntieobem I certainly LOOK like a kid cuz I'm really short lol, but I am an adult by age. I just don't like to use "man" or "woman" cuz it just doesn't fit me as a person.
I'm just... different? I wake up wanting to be addressed as a boy, or a girl, etc., I wake wanting to hide my chest or not. It's hard to describe in words other than it's just a feeling in me that I've learnt to understand.

@TinselAngel Gender Identity cannot change. You are who you are from the day you were born. I was Genderfluid from the day I was born. My Gender Identity doesn't change in the way of "some days I'm Genderfluid, some days I'm not" bc I'm always Fluid whether I align with my agab or not. My identity just happens to be one that means how I present myself is what changes

I think you know exactly what ‘gender’ means, since you refer to ‘masc’ and femme’.

But you know that if you start to describe them, you will be ridiculed for outlining a sect of sexist stereotypes.

So you refuse to define them.

So my question is -

How can something be so important and intrinsic for you, but yet you (and all people who are fixated with gender) are completely unable to define it?

@Noonado Of course it was much simpler to define "gender" in a literal sense when trans and gender non-conforming folks never came out during their lives bc it was so hated and looked down upon. They just "didn't exist". I can't speak for everyone and their sense of self, but no, I don't believe it's changed, just become more accepted. People now more than ever are allowed to be open and question themselves. Or not question themselves if they're comfortable as they are, which is also perfectly valid.

@wellhelloitsme I'm not under 18, no. I just prefer boy and girl, or masc and femme, for myself

@pannikin Completely serious✌

Did you delay puberty? Howling are you landing to be a boy/girl rather than a man/woman?

@Auntieobem Yes, they did. Bc everyone else was upset and picking sides and getting upset at each other whenever a breakup happened. That's how society be sometimes😔I know at that age it leans more towards the Aromantic Spectrum than Asexual, but I didn't know the difference until much later. But the fact it made me "the one who doesn't really care about relationships with other people" made me think about it... a lot🤔