I'm queer. AMA?

[Throwaway4Water]

Using a throwaway account for this.

Hey Mumsnet, figured more queer rep was needed on this site.
I'm Genderfluid, which is under the trans umbrella and means my gender is fluid and changes often. I'm also Asexual, and currently questioning my romantic attraction.
Anything phobic will be ignored (I know what this site is like when it comes to trans people) as well as anything I deem too personal. Now, AMA! :)

@Riverlee Pride festivals are great (tho I've only been to one since I came out), but yeah, I do think it has lost it's way and it's original meaning through 'Rainbow Capitalism'. Which is a big shame and something that needs to be called out more

Do you think defining gender was simple before? Do you think people’s innate sense of their own gender identity has changed in recent years? And if so, what do you think has caused this change?

@Veryverycalmnow I'd known something was different about me since... about 6 or 7? when my boyfriend broke up with me and everyone said it was really weird that I didn't care that he'd done that (bc it turns out I never actually felt anything towards him). And I discovered the term Asexual at about 11 and fully embraced it. Gender took a lot longer to work out, I was 15/16 when I found the right words for it xD

Do you mean man / woman rather than boy / girl or are you under 18?

@p1n3apple It used to be a slur, yes, a slur that we're slowly taking back by using it ourselves. It's taking away some of the ammunition that used to be used against us by normalising it for personal use. If someone still finds the word offensive, for whatever reason, that's okay! Personally I love the word and use it to describe myself if I don't want to go into specifics (bc explaining that can take a while).

I think OP is very young, possibly even under 18

@GingerCake2018 I can't answer that one, only you can work that out. I can't tell you if you're Genderfluid or not, sorry (but maybe stick a load of washing on anyway, don't want that to pile up like in my house lol)

This can't be serious.

You had a boyfriend at age 6/7 and people thought you should be upset when he broke up with you??? Wow lots to unpack there, but not something that should make you question your gender or sexuality?? (99% of 11 year old are asexual)

Ahhh ok. Fair enough.

I don't believe gender is real however I accept another person does. Where I'd robustly challenge is when that belief manifests as actions which put others in danger or tramples boundaries. Also if that belief leads to no debate/no platform.

Would you consider my opinion hateful?

I agree - 6 or 7 is too young for girlfriends / boyfriends, and most 11 year olds have hardly begun to think about their sexuality.

Do you think gender is different from biologically defined sex?

@Finfintytint I'm not a gardener, sorry. A quick google says next time plant them earlier in the spring or later in the autumn? 🤔

Did this belief of your fluid gender come after or before your anxiety?

Freud was obsessed with sex and even he agreed children go through a latent phase. Perhaps your lack of interest was entirely appropriate and normal for your stage of development.

OP 6 is pretty young for a boyfriend but hey ho, not uncommon. I find it most odd others thought you were off for not feeling upset, I mean, you were 6!

I think you are right.

Why are pronouns so important?

@Nimo12 I find it appropriate to use bc that's who I am. I AM a queer person. Some LGBT+ people still find it offensive, and I understand why, while others use it in order to take the word back from those hateful people. I am the latter. I want to take away some of the ammunition. I'm still sorry your brother had it used towards them that way

Ah you really will need to stop over analysing things with anxiety. Trust me, I've learned that over many years. You just need to deal with things as they are.

What does feeling different genders feel like?

I don't know if I feel like a woman, I just am a woman.

How does gender fluid differ from ethnicity fluidity? Could my black DH one day say he feels white? Why is that different to gender? He has white heritage but he "presents" as black.

Have you tried tracking your feelings of gender against your menstrual cycle? I'm wondering if 'wanting to have breasts' coincides with ovulation, for example.

@Cocowatermelon I want people to notice a clear difference on whether I'm a boy or a girl to avoid misgendering, but for the most part, I don't care what I wear and dress however I want. I know I act different too, like I talk a lot more when I'm femme-leaning bc my voice is quite high and it causes a lot of dysphoria when I'm masc-leaning, is the first example that comes to mind.
I do change my pronouns whenever they change, and I wear pronoun badges to show which one(s) I'm using. But for new people, I always introduce myself as Non-binary first and ask them to use they/them since I'm almost always using they/them no matter what, and it's just... so much easier lol
I've tried to avoid anything to do with the sports situation, mostly bc I don't care about sport but also bc reading about it never fails to make me mad. I know most people on this site don't agree with me tho, so I'm not gonna go into it more. Just know I hate what they're doing with all my soul.

How (apart from reading your pronoun badge) do you expect people to notice a clear difference between when you are a boy and when you are a girl and when you are neither??

How exactly do they get there if they don’t see/read your badge?

What is it about yourself that makes you more gendered one way or another visibly that someone would notice? Is it clothes, makeup, hair style etc?