Threads

See more results

Topics

Usernames

Mumsnet Logo
Please
or
to access all these features

I realised I was a lesbian at 36 and left my husband AMA
179

madeofwaxlarry · 15/04/2022 08:42

I was 36 years old, married with 2 kids, when I fell in love with a woman and my whole world turned upside down. Suddenly everything made sense and I couldn't believe I'd been so blind.

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/04/2022 08:43

How old are your children?

Please
or
to access all these features

MolliciousIntent · 15/04/2022 08:44

How did you spend years in a sexual relationship with a man without realising you're not sexually attracted to men?

Please
or
to access all these features

Candleabra · 15/04/2022 08:47

What was your husband’s reaction? Are you still on good terms now?

Please
or
to access all these features

D0lphine · 15/04/2022 08:50

What stopped you from realising sooner?

Please
or
to access all these features

CakeAmbushAlert · 15/04/2022 08:51

How did you meet the woman? Did you walk out on your marriage immediately?

How did your own & ex-Husbands family take it?

Please
or
to access all these features

AchillesPoirot · 15/04/2022 08:53

How could you be sexually attracted to your husband and be a lesbian?

Please
or
to access all these features

CakeAmbushAlert · 15/04/2022 08:53

Are you still with the woman?

Please
or
to access all these features

Viostep · 15/04/2022 08:55

Did you cheat on your husband or leave him first when you realised you had feelings for this woman?

Please
or
to access all these features

madeof · 15/04/2022 08:55

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

How old are your children?

I don't want to be too specific but one early in primary school and the other is approx 10 years older and mine from another relationship
Please
or
to access all these features

madeof · 15/04/2022 08:56

@CakeAmbushAlert

Are you still with the woman?

No, we had a very brief affair
Please
or
to access all these features

madeof · 15/04/2022 08:57

@Viostep

Did you cheat on your husband or leave him first when you realised you had feelings for this woman?

Cheated before leaving
Please
or
to access all these features

madeof · 15/04/2022 08:58

@AchillesPoirot

How could you be sexually attracted to your husband and be a lesbian?

I wasn't sexually attracted to my husband.
Please
or
to access all these features

AchillesPoirot · 15/04/2022 08:58

Why didn’t you leave your husband before shagging the woman?

Please
or
to access all these features

AchillesPoirot · 15/04/2022 08:58

How could you have sex with someone you weren’t sexually attracted to?

Please
or
to access all these features

madeof · 15/04/2022 08:59

@MolliciousIntent

How did you spend years in a sexual relationship with a man without realising you're not sexually attracted to men?

I didn't think I was capable of experiencing sexual attraction, I thought there was something wrong with me
Please
or
to access all these features

AchillesPoirot · 15/04/2022 08:59

Why have you name changed on this thread? It makes it hard to follow.

Please
or
to access all these features

madeof · 15/04/2022 09:01

@Candleabra

What was your husband’s reaction? Are you still on good terms now?

he was heart broken, he wanted to work through it together, he suggested an open relationship. It's been really really tough but we're still on good terms and taking it day by day
Please
or
to access all these features

madeofwaxlarry · 15/04/2022 09:04

@AchillesPoirot

Why have you name changed on this thread? It makes it hard to follow.

Oops sorry I didn't realise
OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Pinkmagic1 · 15/04/2022 09:04

Did you not have any attractions towards women at all, before you met the women you had the affair with?

Please
or
to access all these features

madeofwaxlarry · 15/04/2022 09:08

@D0lphine

What stopped you from realising sooner?

The online late-bloomer lesbian community calls it "comp het" I.e. compulsory heterosexuality... It's the assumption that you and everyone else are straight. There were so many signs but at the time I always prefaced them in my mind with "I'm straight but..."
It literally never occurred to me to question my sexuality. It was like someone told me I was straight when I was little and I just believed them despite evidence to the contrary.
I never experimented as a young woman. I just thought of myself as "frigid" or something
OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

madeofwaxlarry · 15/04/2022 09:09

@Pinkmagic1

Did you not have any attractions towards women at all, before you met the women you had the affair with?

I did have attraction to women
OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/04/2022 09:09

Are your kids angry at you?

Please
or
to access all these features

madeofwaxlarry · 15/04/2022 09:11

@CakeAmbushAlert

How did you meet the woman? Did you walk out on your marriage immediately?

How did your own & ex-Husbands family take it?

I met her through a shared interest/hobby. I told my husband about the affair a few weeks after it started. We saw a marriage counsellor for a while and talked about options. It was a couple of months before I made my final decision
OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

madeofwaxlarry · 15/04/2022 09:12

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Are your kids angry at you?

No, not yet
OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

madeofwaxlarry · 15/04/2022 09:14

@AchillesPoirot

How could you have sex with someone you weren’t sexually attracted to?

I started having sex with men (boys) when I was 16. It's not too hard. You lie fairly still and they have sex with you and you move your body around a bit and act like women in movies.
OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.