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AMA

I realised I was a lesbian at 36 and left my husband AMA

179 replies

madeofwaxlarry · 15/04/2022 08:42

I was 36 years old, married with 2 kids, when I fell in love with a woman and my whole world turned upside down. Suddenly everything made sense and I couldn't believe I'd been so blind.

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/04/2022 08:43

How old are your children?

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MolliciousIntent · 15/04/2022 08:44

How did you spend years in a sexual relationship with a man without realising you're not sexually attracted to men?

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Candleabra · 15/04/2022 08:47

What was your husband’s reaction? Are you still on good terms now?

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D0lphine · 15/04/2022 08:50

What stopped you from realising sooner?

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CakeAmbushAlert · 15/04/2022 08:51

How did you meet the woman? Did you walk out on your marriage immediately?

How did your own & ex-Husbands family take it?

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AchillesPoirot · 15/04/2022 08:53

How could you be sexually attracted to your husband and be a lesbian?

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CakeAmbushAlert · 15/04/2022 08:53

Are you still with the woman?

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Viostep · 15/04/2022 08:55

Did you cheat on your husband or leave him first when you realised you had feelings for this woman?

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madeof · 15/04/2022 08:55

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

How old are your children?

I don't want to be too specific but one early in primary school and the other is approx 10 years older and mine from another relationship

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madeof · 15/04/2022 08:56

@CakeAmbushAlert

Are you still with the woman?

No, we had a very brief affair

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madeof · 15/04/2022 08:57

@Viostep

Did you cheat on your husband or leave him first when you realised you had feelings for this woman?

Cheated before leaving

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madeof · 15/04/2022 08:58

@AchillesPoirot

How could you be sexually attracted to your husband and be a lesbian?

I wasn't sexually attracted to my husband.

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AchillesPoirot · 15/04/2022 08:58

Why didn’t you leave your husband before shagging the woman?

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AchillesPoirot · 15/04/2022 08:58

How could you have sex with someone you weren’t sexually attracted to?

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madeof · 15/04/2022 08:59

@MolliciousIntent

How did you spend years in a sexual relationship with a man without realising you're not sexually attracted to men?

I didn't think I was capable of experiencing sexual attraction, I thought there was something wrong with me

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AchillesPoirot · 15/04/2022 08:59

Why have you name changed on this thread? It makes it hard to follow.

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madeof · 15/04/2022 09:01

@Candleabra

What was your husband’s reaction? Are you still on good terms now?

he was heart broken, he wanted to work through it together, he suggested an open relationship. It's been really really tough but we're still on good terms and taking it day by day

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madeofwaxlarry · 15/04/2022 09:04

@AchillesPoirot

Why have you name changed on this thread? It makes it hard to follow.

Oops sorry I didn't realise

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Pinkmagic1 · 15/04/2022 09:04

Did you not have any attractions towards women at all, before you met the women you had the affair with?

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madeofwaxlarry · 15/04/2022 09:08

@D0lphine

What stopped you from realising sooner?

The online late-bloomer lesbian community calls it "comp het" I.e. compulsory heterosexuality... It's the assumption that you and everyone else are straight. There were so many signs but at the time I always prefaced them in my mind with "I'm straight but..."
It literally never occurred to me to question my sexuality. It was like someone told me I was straight when I was little and I just believed them despite evidence to the contrary.
I never experimented as a young woman. I just thought of myself as "frigid" or something

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madeofwaxlarry · 15/04/2022 09:09

@Pinkmagic1

Did you not have any attractions towards women at all, before you met the women you had the affair with?

I did have attraction to women

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/04/2022 09:09

Are your kids angry at you?

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madeofwaxlarry · 15/04/2022 09:11

@CakeAmbushAlert

How did you meet the woman? Did you walk out on your marriage immediately?

How did your own & ex-Husbands family take it?

I met her through a shared interest/hobby. I told my husband about the affair a few weeks after it started. We saw a marriage counsellor for a while and talked about options. It was a couple of months before I made my final decision

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madeofwaxlarry · 15/04/2022 09:12

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Are your kids angry at you?

No, not yet

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madeofwaxlarry · 15/04/2022 09:14

@AchillesPoirot

How could you have sex with someone you weren’t sexually attracted to?

I started having sex with men (boys) when I was 16. It's not too hard. You lie fairly still and they have sex with you and you move your body around a bit and act like women in movies.

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