I'm a funeral arranger, AMA

[Sausagedogsarethebest]

There have been a number of threads about funerals in recent weeks. If you have any questions about the arranging of a funeral, ask away...

@CrimbleCrumble1

I’d like the Sunscreen song played at my funeral, would that be weird?

That one is top of my list too!

I paid for my Mum's funeral in 2019 and it cost me £1,100. Direct cremation pretty much, but with a short 15 minute slot for us to play some songs and sit with the coffin. I declined embalming because Mum would have hated it.

Funerals don't have to cost thousands.

RagzRebooted that’s very similar to what I had for my dad. It cost £2000 and we had about a 30 minute slot quite early one morning. It was perfect for him, he would have hated a big fuss. I chose some lovely music as that was his thing.

How come your company don't allow the body to be at home the night before the funeral? That's always happened for anyone who passed away on my dads side of the family, I just assumed that was always an option if the family wanted it

Thanks for everything you do OP!

@jotaaaaaa

How come your company don't allow the body to be at home the night before the funeral? That's always happened for anyone who passed away on my dads side of the family, I just assumed that was always an option if the family wanted it

Thanks for everything you do OP!

Having the coffin the night before would probably be ok, I meant having the coffin taken into the home on the day of the funeral before it goes to the crem. Some cultures like the coffin in the house for prayers on the day for a short while. If you're paying for a direct-to-crem service then that's what you'd get - straight from the funeral home to the crematorium.

When/how did the practice of a dead body go to a private company to then be dressed, put in a coffin and driven/pulled to a place or worship to then be taken (if being buried) to another location to finally be laid to rest?

I find it all such a convoluted, awkward process.

Even for non-religious people it's still all too outdated for me.

@KimchiWithMe it’s an interesting question and I guess it is different for each country or culture, in some places it is still the custom for the family to care for and bury (or otherwise) their dead.
Caitlin Doughty talks about it a lot on her vlogs, particularly her earlier ones (yes I am a bit of a fan).

Hi

Thank you so much for this thread. You sound like a very caring person.
I lost my parents last year and they weren’t embalmed.

Mum looked great at first but obviously started to deteriorate. She was there for four weeks in total. Just before the funeral she was very wet and everything in her coffin was wet through with clear fluid. Do you what this is? The staff told me that the care centre staff had to come and redress the coffin etc.

Thank you

In my line of work I have had lots of dealings with funeral directors/arrangers, and they have been as lovely and respectful as the OP here. I've even spent a day in a funeral home which was absolutely fascinating. I known of several nurses who go on to work as a funeral arranger in their later years. I have often thought this is something I may go into as I feel as a nurse I have a lot of skills that would be transferrable. Can I please ask @Sausagedogsarethebest what hours do you work? Is it office hours or are you on call 24/7? Thanks.

Thank you for this thread OP. My gran’s funeral was last week and the funeral director was so kind and helpful - it really helped with the process

This is a cost question.

My dad died in a care home and after a few day was transported to a funeral directors 200 miles to be in the care of the funeral directors who arranged his funeral etc.

My question is why was the cost of transporting him 5min down the road from the funeral directors to the crematorium considerably more costly than transporting him 200miles from 1 funeral directors to another?
(They obviously had 2 long journeys, from a to b and back to a with him on board but were very reasonably priced, plus I'm guessing the van would of had some sort of cooling system)

@MenaiMna

I have two questions 1 ashes - can you just get rid? I'd have no attachment to remains and would never collect them! 2 what's the stangest/funniest music you've ever had to use? - my (proper) cockney third cousin went into the flames to "roll out the barrel". 38 years later it's still funny but he wanted us to smile.

@MenaiMna a very close friend of mine had ACDC Highway to Hell played during his cremation.

What happens at the funeral of people who have no relatives or friends and no body knows much about them? Must be very rare but very sad?

Do you believe in the afterlife? I definitely 100% do, yet didn't aged 18, and at that age would've thought anyone who said "oh (e.g feathers) that's a sign my mother is here etc" was wishful thinking. However, experiences I've had since age 25 have totally changed my perspective