AMA
I used to be a sex worker, ask me anything
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 20:08
For 12 years I worked as an escort, I also did occasional phone & cam work. I varied between working full time and part time, but around half was full time and the other half part time.
I've been put off doing one of these because of how they usually go but I'm always banging on about people making assumptions about sex workers and accepting stereotypes about us so I might as well.
To be clear, this is a thread for people who want to ask questions, not for people who just want to make a point about sex work or sex workers.
Anyway, if anybody cares...ask away 
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 22:52
Do you feel really pressured to keep up with the latest “trends” in terms of hair, make up and body hair removal rather than how you would feel comfortable?
Nah, the majority of my customers were men and generally they don't give a monkeys about trends. I changed my hair colour about 5 times when I was working and every single time, even though I updated my pictures and mentioned it in advertising I had regulars who didn't notice 
In terms of body hair I used to shave my legs & armpits and trim my pubes, same as I do now. I make an effort with my appearance but I'm not nearly as groomed as people may imagine me to be. I look on the lazy side of normal grooming wise.
notapigeon · 09/10/2020 22:52
@FeminismIsForALLWomen
I put sex worker, because it's legal and legitimate work. You'd be surprised how fine people are with sex workers when they want our money
Thank you for replying - I've learnt so much about sex work tonight, I didn't realise it was legal to start with! (I'm fairly sheltered!)
Thank you for this thread, I would have been so judgemental of sex workers prior to reading all these questions and your replies - I certainly have been schooled tonight and grateful for it! (I say would have been, it's not something I've come across in the uk, it's always seemed an "Amsterdam" thing, which I'm sure shows my lack of awareness and naivety!)
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 22:56
A few questions if ok to add to the list....you said you had been doing SW for 12 years, what age were you when you started? And you said you called agencies cause you thought you could do it, what made you think that (if that's not too personal)?
I was 24 when I started. Same reason I thought I could do waitressing I suppose? I wasn't disgusted by sex work and the money appealed so I just went for it.
And a logistics questions - where do you work from?
I used to work from hotels, serviced apartments and sometimes rented an incall flat for up to a year at a time.
Thanks for this...great thread!
You're welcome!
Oakesandashes · 09/10/2020 23:00
Thanks for answering. I guess we are a little different to other agencies. We all set our own menu & prices. Anyone can turn down a call or end it at any point and will be fully supported. We have 'no see' lists and our phone girls are awesome. We even offer client testing once a month. We are like a weird little family!. Best of luck to you wherever your future takes you.
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 23:01
Sorry, one more question if you don't mind, did you see the Louis Theroux documentation sex workers? What did you think? Representative or not?
I wasn't particularly impressed. It felt more like a gratuitous look at sex workers than anything. One of the workers involved was happy, one wasn't happy at all with how she was treated and the BBC response to her during and after the program was awful.
If the idea was to get salacious details about the working lives of sex workers then I'm sure it did it's job, but if the idea was to treat sex workers like humans and give an accurate portrayal of our very varied lives then it didn't really hit it's mark.
OldLeatherSuitcase · 09/10/2020 23:05
Having experienced a variety of different men through sex work have you become more discerning when it comes to partners? By that I mean if you've experienced lots of different bodies and sexual styles (gentle, rough, too quick, nice bodies, not so nice bodies) has it made you quite picky about how your partners are in bed?
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 23:05
How much did you enjoy any of it?
Depends what you're specifically asking really. I enjoyed a lot of the bookings as an independent, I enjoyed the free time it gave me, I enjoyed meeting other sex workers. As I've already said I didn't often enjoy the sex because I wasn't there to enjoy it. I didn't, and still don't, enjoy the stigma.
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 23:16
Do you think sex work should be taken more seriously as a profession? Should advice be given to young women starting out, i.e. start with porn, then move to webcam work, then maybe try your hand at lap-dancing, etc. etc.? It just seems that 'Sex Work' implies such a varied selection of jobs these days, this whole brushing under the carpet thing whilst bristling with moral outrage seems a tad old-fashioned. I think the millennials are just going to re-define it all their own way.
Yes I do think sex work should be taken more seriously as a profession. It's not an easy job despite what people think.
There is a certain amount of advice for women starting out, although it focuses primarily on safety (as it should) which is important even for online work and then business. (I know it wasn't your point but porn, webcam & lapdancing are all different areas and the idea that there is a progression between those just simply isn't true). I think any type of advice needs to come with a frank warning about the potential consequences of this work in our society, because some people will judge sex workers until they are in their graves and the effects of this on our lives really can't be underestimated. It's not for everyone.
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 23:20
The other prostitution AMA really stuck in my mind as it was so grim... that's why I linked it for contrast...
I'm not trying to imply that all sex workers have had the same experiences, I'm recounting mine. If you have any personal experience of being a sex worker feel free to chip in.
Brot64 · 09/10/2020 23:28
Has a client ever become violent/forceful because you rejected (if you have) doing something they wanted? Also have you felt judged by friends/family or anyone else about being a SW? Finally what's the most challenging thing about your job.
Btw, thank you for answering very informative thread.
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 23:29
Would you advocate for other women to participate in sex work (or if you have / had a daughter) would you advocate for it for her?
I'm not sure if I'd advocate for it for anyone, regardless if I was related to them. It's an incredibly personal job which not everyone can do and I don't think recommending it is a good idea. That's not to say that I think sex work is a bad idea, but it's deeply personal and I wouldn't ever assume that someone else would like it or could handle it.
(not meant to be judgemental by any means, sorry if it comes across that way, I guess I'm just interested).
As a sex worker I've experienced a fair amount of judgement so don't worry about it
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 23:32
Do you just have a normal figure or did you feel pressured into having surgery or working out all the time ?
I've varied between a size 8 and size 16, and I've
never been massively toned. The idea that someone has to be perfect to be attractive is a myth.
feministfemme · 09/10/2020 23:32
FeminismIsForALLWomen
Thank you for answering my question! (sorry if this has been asked before, but it's a bit more of an informal one!) Have you ever run into someone in your personal life that you met at work?
I'd be worried I'd be out with a friend and she'd introduce me to someone and I'd already know a hell of a lot about them! 
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 23:39
Thank you for replying - I've learnt so much about sex work tonight, I didn't realise it was legal to start with! (I'm fairly sheltered!)
Selling sex is legal but a lot of surrounding activities are illegal, eg hiring security or a receptionist. Running a brothel is also illegal but unfortunately the definition of a brothel in law means that 2 or more sex workers working together from the same place (for safety or to share costs) are also working illegally as they would be classed as running a brothel even if only taking bookings for themselves! The law is a minefield and yet we're still liable for all the tax
Thank you for this thread, I would have been so judgemental of sex workers prior to reading all these questions and your replies - I certainly have been schooled tonight and grateful for it! (I say would have been, it's not something I've come across in the uk, it's always seemed an "Amsterdam" thing, which I'm sure shows my lack of awareness and naivety!)
Thank you so much for saying that. Sex workers are everywhere and very normal people that you bump into in Tesco, but people think we only exist in hidden spaces.
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 23:46
Having experienced a variety of different men through sex work have you become more discerning when it comes to partners? By that I mean if you've experienced lots of different bodies and sexual styles (gentle, rough, too quick, nice bodies, not so nice bodies) has it made you quite picky about how your partners are in bed?
Yes and no. I'm open to new things and new styles but absolutely closed off to things like inconsiderate or insensitive behaviour. I used to think it could be changed but now I don't, not sure if that's age or sex work though.
I think I'm a lot more open to physical appearance now, by that I mean I understand that attraction can grow regardless of how attracted you are to someone at first. Attraction is about a lot more than the first physical spark.
JKRforPM · 09/10/2020 23:52
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