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AMA

I used to be a sex worker, ask me anything

411 replies

FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 20:08

For 12 years I worked as an escort, I also did occasional phone & cam work. I varied between working full time and part time, but around half was full time and the other half part time.

I've been put off doing one of these because of how they usually go but I'm always banging on about people making assumptions about sex workers and accepting stereotypes about us so I might as well.

To be clear, this is a thread for people who want to ask questions, not for people who just want to make a point about sex work or sex workers.

Anyway, if anybody cares...ask away Smile

OP posts:
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 19/10/2024 19:50

Hellothere70 · 09/04/2024 20:54

As a person who has spent over 40 years seeing every side of the sex industry, for good (the extremely little good it does), and the bad (of which there is/was plenty).

I have enjoyed what you've written, however, I've rarely if not ever, experienced or have seen first hand, what you share ... over my 40+ years of seeing it, and being involved in it.

Furthermore, I fear for legalisation, as no one ever goes into any great depth in practical terms, what benefits it will bring .... and I'm unconvinced!

Now, I counsel people who deal with sexual addiction, there are regular themes that run through most people history:

1 - All SW I've seen, befriended, bailed out, protected, fed, clothed ... have experienced deep trauma ... without exception. I've never seen anyone from a good family background, turn around and say; "You know what, I'll give up my degree in physics, and go into SW!" ... it never happens!

Of the many 100's of women I've seen come and go, each had a difficult story. There were those who denied it at first (because most do) and acted with bravado, but in a quiet moment, they would open up.

2 - Every client (men) that I personally know who see SW on a regular basis has;

a. Suffered been caught out by the 'Deposit' scam (although I understand in the U.S. things seem to be different).

b. Every single one of them, has caught an STD.

As for STD's, I've never seen any SW get a 'Check-up' at the doctors, and I include adult film stars in that ... never! So when I see in an add that says - "I get checked regularly" - I take it, with a dumpster truck of salt, rather than a 'pinch of salt'

Further on the issue of legalisation.

30 years ago I had to do an in-depth study on the Prohibition Laws in America, for which Utah, the Mormon state (or members of the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints) 'seemed' to have the deciding vote. Fearing more violence and bloodshed, Utah voted for legalisation. A few years later, Bill W. and Dr Bob founded AA ... and in the nick of time, some might say.

Other than for use in a medical setting, I've never seen anyone improve by consuming alcohol, and in my personal life, I've lost one family member and a school friend, to drink-drivers.

The same could be said for Tobacco, which was used by Native American's in sacred, religious ceremonies, and according to the D&C (two degrees in religion) tobacco was/is also used to heal cattle. I see no one, that improves by the consumption of tobacco.

The same could be said for the partial legalisation of drugs.

BTW, I did an in-depth study on how Portugal has lowered drug abuse, and it's a total misnomer! The study that I read pointed out that the Portuguese experience, only notes those who have been in/through rehab. The problem with that is, of the hundreds if not thousands of drug users I know, I can count on one hand, how many have been in rehab!

When you stamp on the accelerator, things start to move quickly, and from what history has taught us about legalising Tobacco and Alcohol .... it's never in a positive direction? I fear legalising SW will lead to greater problems than it solves.

I fear asking for legalisation will do little to stem the tide of abuse of anyone, including SW, nor will it give protection to those who do SW, chosen or forced.

Gentlemanly behaviour once protected women from coarse behaviour. Today, we expect sexual harassment laws to restrain coarse behaviour. Police and laws can never be a replacement as means for regulating human behaviour. At best, the police and criminal justice system are the last desperate line of defence for a civilized society. Our increased reliance on laws to regulate behaviour is a measure of how uncivilized we’ve become.

I wish you well for the future. However, over 40+ years of seeing it first-hand, I've seen far too much to be convinced that there is any plus side to SW, in any form!

If you can't grasp the legal difference between legalisation and decriminalisation, and you've never seen 'first hand' what I've talked about, I'd suggest you've only had very tertiary 'experiences' of sex work in a country which fully criminalises prostitution.

Which is lovely for you, I'm sure, but in simple terms it means you don't actually have any experience of being an actual sex worker.

FYI: Men who get STI's are fully responsible for their use of contraception, just like literally everyone else.

OP posts:
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 19/10/2024 19:58

Corinthiana · 10/04/2024 12:57

Consent?
There was a trafficking ring broken up in my city - one of the women managed to break out and get help. All the girls and women were all in need of help for drug and alcohol abuse and physical injuries. They had been mostly trafficked from other countries on the usual promises.
I do not believe for a moment that most SW freely and fully give consent.

You're free to believe what you want, but what are you asking here?

Are you asking if most sex work/prostitution is trafficking? It's not. Or are you asking if sex workers can give consent? I think it's a dangerous road to assume women can't or don't consent to sex because we don't understand it.

The situation you have described is trafficking and rape, pure and simple. But why, to you, does that mean all sex workers aren't consenting?

OP posts:
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 19/10/2024 20:03

Hellothere70 · 02/05/2024 13:47

Literally just got off the phone to my friend, who was on the 'hands free' on the way to the sex clinic for tests.

An escort called him up and to him that she has syphilis

So once again, when a SW tells you she gets checked regularly, take it with a 40-foot articulated lorry full of Sodium ... not with a 'Pinch Of Salt'

I hasten to add this isn't the first time for him. The last time he went to the clinic, it was with genital warts. The time before that was because he caught covid after seeing a SW during lockdown. There are more occasions my friend has been to the clinic after contracting something from a SW ... but you get the picture.

Once again, your friend is responsible for his own sexual behaviour.

On a separate note, I would question why he was contracting sexually transmitted infections with such regularity. In my experience, sex workers don't just randomly decide to not use condoms. But shit clients do regularly try to coerce vulnerable sex workers into having unprotected sex with them. Disgusting behaviour.

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 19/10/2024 20:06

MaryBerrysEyelashes · 02/05/2024 14:40

Did you have to work out a lot
lots of waxing and primping?

Lol no. Not even slightly. I didn't give a shit, but an interesting thing I learned about men was that they, generally, don't give a shit what you look like naked, so long as they're seeing you naked.

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 19/10/2024 20:11

Hellothere70 · 02/05/2024 20:18

The friend that I spoke of today suffered horrendous abuse both sexual and physical, that as a youngster I couldn't remedy for him. Now we're both adults, I try to do my best to help him deal with things I never had to.

Both SW and Client, I try hard not to judge, because I don't know what life experiences have bought them to that point in time.

What I do object to, is any kind of advocacy, glossing over, or simple plain nonsensical statements, in favour of .... !

Like I said, I've seen this game first hand for far too long, and I'm far too long in the tooth to pretend that sex for money in any context, or the sex industry as a whole, provides any kind of long term or lasting benefits, either for individuals or society as a whole.

Any kind of POV in favour of SW, is simply for the deluded!

Suffering sexual abuse in the past does not excuse coercion of vulnerable sex workers.

If you do not think sex workers or former sex workers advocating for themselves is a good thing then you have not, in fact, seen this 'game' as you call it.

OP posts:
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 19/10/2024 20:13

ConfusedGooseEgg · 23/06/2024 11:40

Hi,
I am a new SW, been working for the last year really to help keep on top of finances. I find it so lonely not being able to talk about this work with my friends, for obvious reasons. How did you manage the loneliness and confusion this work brings?

I fully relate to the isolation. Other sex workers are a massive support. If you're still working start with the saafe.info forum.

OP posts:
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 19/10/2024 20:17

Krystal504 · 26/06/2024 08:15

Did u enjoy it and in this world crisis would you recommend it as a side job to earn extra money

I enjoyed it as much as any other job I've ever had, if that helps. It's definitely not something to get into if you want to enjoy the sex. I wouldn't recommend it as a side job, no, simply because it's not nearly as easy as everyone seems to think it is, and nobody knows if they will actually be able to cope with it.

That said, if you're doing sex work, I absolutely 100% think you deserve support and respect.

OP posts:
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 19/10/2024 20:18

ConfusedGooseEgg · 12/10/2024 09:23

I currently have no desire to stop SW as it helps pay for the things my kids, and I need.So, my real burning question currently is. Did you work during your period,and if so how did you get round that?

Yes, absolutely I did. Beppy sponges.

OP posts:
loblack · 29/11/2024 01:00

what does it mean when a sw makes a complaint broke asf fake money how does a sw meet with client for payment to make this complaint and what is meant by fake money. do clients have to show any proof of income before they even meet with the sw.

FeminismIsForALLWomen · 19/02/2025 19:58

loblack · 29/11/2024 01:00

what does it mean when a sw makes a complaint broke asf fake money how does a sw meet with client for payment to make this complaint and what is meant by fake money. do clients have to show any proof of income before they even meet with the sw.

I'd say the answer to this depends on context.

If this has been said to you as a client, it means you're a twat and a criminal who has paid a sex worker with forged notes.

If this has been said to your partner, it means he's a twat and a criminal who has paid a sex worker with forged notes and you should leave him.

I didn't ask for proof of income, and I've never known any sex worker who has.

OP posts:
ConfusedGooseEgg · 19/04/2025 12:14

Lillysnotroses · 14/10/2024 20:44

When you say SW pays for things for your kids. Such as what basic nessecities like clothes from H&M. Or the lastest gadgets like a PS5?

literally basic stuff. My middle kid no longer fits in children sizes so, SW pays for his new clothes, and not expensive branded clothes either. It pays for days out with the kids during the school holidays, those extra little treats add up! My eldest just got married so it paid for a LOT towards that. It keep me afloat and means I dont need to worry about lifes' surprises.

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