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AMA

I used to be a sex worker, ask me anything

411 replies

FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 20:08

For 12 years I worked as an escort, I also did occasional phone & cam work. I varied between working full time and part time, but around half was full time and the other half part time.

I've been put off doing one of these because of how they usually go but I'm always banging on about people making assumptions about sex workers and accepting stereotypes about us so I might as well.

To be clear, this is a thread for people who want to ask questions, not for people who just want to make a point about sex work or sex workers.

Anyway, if anybody cares...ask away Smile

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RUOKHon · 27/11/2020 22:55

I don’t see how this thread helps either.

You sell sex to men. You are fine with that. You only choose the ‘good ones’. Good for you. I’m happy you haven’t been abused or trafficked.

I will always be on women’s side.

But as long as men think it’s their right to buy women’s bodies, that is a massive, massive problem. And I will continue to contest that.

And for that reason, I won’t call prostitution ‘work’. It’s not work. If your dad or brother lost their job, they wouldn’t think, ‘oh well I can just do some sex work until I get back on my feet’. When 18 year old Olivia gets 4 A* in her A Levels, her parents don’t suggest she does some sex work in the summer holidays to save up for her gap year.

It’s a transaction but it’s not a job.

FeminismIsForALLWomen · 27/11/2020 23:35

But as long as men think it’s their right to buy women’s bodies, that is a massive, massive problem. And I will continue to contest that

As will I and, I think, most sex workers, because men absolutely don't have the right to pay for sex. I completely agree with you there, but the fact that I used to sell sex and others continue to sell it doesn't mean anyone has a right to buy it. This is one of the reasons I get so upset when people tell sex workers they are 'selling their consent'- they absolutely are not and can withdraw it any time they like. It would be wonderful if we could be supported in this message so perhaps dangerous men would get the message that people will care if sex workers get harmed, because unfortunately at the moment that's just not the case.

And for that reason, I won’t call prostitution ‘work’. It’s not work. If your dad or brother lost their job, they wouldn’t think, ‘oh well I can just do some sex work until I get back on my feet’. When 18 year old Olivia gets 4 A in her A Levels, her parents don’t suggest she does some sex work in the summer holidays to save up for her gap year.

You could make those arguments about a lot of menial jobs, so I don't buy into the argument that's it's not a job simply because it's not something to aspire to. Having said that, I do believe it's different from other work, and not something everyone would or should consider doing. But again, that doesn't mean it's not work. If you don't like that it's work, fair enough, but denying it is just pointless and makes people like me question whether you actually are on our side.

I see that statement and I see you denying my autonomy, my consent and putting your beliefs over what's best for sex workers, and I'm not even slightly in the minority. I really don't mean to have a go at you, and I thank you for the dialogue, but if you want to support sex workers please listen to what they tell you they need, instead of what you think they need.

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RUOKHon · 28/11/2020 00:01

I object to calling it sex work because I think that that language normalises it for men and just shores up their entitlement.

DioneTheDiabolist · 28/11/2020 00:08

Abuse doesn't make someone incapable of making decisions or giving consent.

This is a factual statement, not an incredibly stupid thing to say.Confused

FeminismIsForALLWomen · 28/11/2020 00:13

I object to calling it sex work because I think that that language normalises it for men and just shores up their entitlement.

It's a term that sex workers ask people to use, and to be honest I'm more concerned with that. It's got nothing to do with what men think, or what you think. Other terms are derogatory and often stigmatising.

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 28/11/2020 00:21

This is a factual statement, not an incredibly stupid thing to say.

Dione thank you Smile

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DioneTheDiabolist · 28/11/2020 00:37

Not a bother Feminist.

I've been following this thread and it is really interesting, so thank you for that.Smile Flowers

Butterfly3105 · 28/11/2020 01:47

@FeminismIsForALLWomen

What an entertaining and informative thread, Thank you.
Question - you mentioned that most of your male customers enjoyed positions of you being on top and missionary, what else would you say they enjoyed most?

FeminismIsForALLWomen · 28/11/2020 10:13

Question - you mentioned that most of your male customers enjoyed positions of you being on top and missionary, what else would you say they enjoyed most?

Oral, going down on me, oral, something up their bum, oral, my fake orgasm's, oral, tit jobs and oral

Basically blow jobs Grin

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 28/11/2020 10:14

Thank you @DioneTheDiabolist Flowers

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Hellothere70 · 09/04/2024 20:54

As a person who has spent over 40 years seeing every side of the sex industry, for good (the extremely little good it does), and the bad (of which there is/was plenty).

I have enjoyed what you've written, however, I've rarely if not ever, experienced or have seen first hand, what you share ... over my 40+ years of seeing it, and being involved in it.

Furthermore, I fear for legalisation, as no one ever goes into any great depth in practical terms, what benefits it will bring .... and I'm unconvinced!

Now, I counsel people who deal with sexual addiction, there are regular themes that run through most people history:

1 - All SW I've seen, befriended, bailed out, protected, fed, clothed ... have experienced deep trauma ... without exception. I've never seen anyone from a good family background, turn around and say; "You know what, I'll give up my degree in physics, and go into SW!" ... it never happens!

Of the many 100's of women I've seen come and go, each had a difficult story. There were those who denied it at first (because most do) and acted with bravado, but in a quiet moment, they would open up.

2 - Every client (men) that I personally know who see SW on a regular basis has;

a. Suffered been caught out by the 'Deposit' scam (although I understand in the U.S. things seem to be different).

b. Every single one of them, has caught an STD.

As for STD's, I've never seen any SW get a 'Check-up' at the doctors, and I include adult film stars in that ... never! So when I see in an add that says - "I get checked regularly" - I take it, with a dumpster truck of salt, rather than a 'pinch of salt'

Further on the issue of legalisation.

30 years ago I had to do an in-depth study on the Prohibition Laws in America, for which Utah, the Mormon state (or members of the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints) 'seemed' to have the deciding vote. Fearing more violence and bloodshed, Utah voted for legalisation. A few years later, Bill W. and Dr Bob founded AA ... and in the nick of time, some might say.

Other than for use in a medical setting, I've never seen anyone improve by consuming alcohol, and in my personal life, I've lost one family member and a school friend, to drink-drivers.

The same could be said for Tobacco, which was used by Native American's in sacred, religious ceremonies, and according to the D&C (two degrees in religion) tobacco was/is also used to heal cattle. I see no one, that improves by the consumption of tobacco.

The same could be said for the partial legalisation of drugs.

BTW, I did an in-depth study on how Portugal has lowered drug abuse, and it's a total misnomer! The study that I read pointed out that the Portuguese experience, only notes those who have been in/through rehab. The problem with that is, of the hundreds if not thousands of drug users I know, I can count on one hand, how many have been in rehab!

When you stamp on the accelerator, things start to move quickly, and from what history has taught us about legalising Tobacco and Alcohol .... it's never in a positive direction? I fear legalising SW will lead to greater problems than it solves.

I fear asking for legalisation will do little to stem the tide of abuse of anyone, including SW, nor will it give protection to those who do SW, chosen or forced.

Gentlemanly behaviour once protected women from coarse behaviour. Today, we expect sexual harassment laws to restrain coarse behaviour. Police and laws can never be a replacement as means for regulating human behaviour. At best, the police and criminal justice system are the last desperate line of defence for a civilized society. Our increased reliance on laws to regulate behaviour is a measure of how uncivilized we’ve become.

I wish you well for the future. However, over 40+ years of seeing it first-hand, I've seen far too much to be convinced that there is any plus side to SW, in any form!

Corinthiana · 10/04/2024 12:57

Consent?
There was a trafficking ring broken up in my city - one of the women managed to break out and get help. All the girls and women were all in need of help for drug and alcohol abuse and physical injuries. They had been mostly trafficked from other countries on the usual promises.
I do not believe for a moment that most SW freely and fully give consent.

Hellothere70 · 02/05/2024 13:47

Literally just got off the phone to my friend, who was on the 'hands free' on the way to the sex clinic for tests.

An escort called him up and to him that she has syphilis

So once again, when a SW tells you she gets checked regularly, take it with a 40-foot articulated lorry full of Sodium ... not with a 'Pinch Of Salt'

I hasten to add this isn't the first time for him. The last time he went to the clinic, it was with genital warts. The time before that was because he caught covid after seeing a SW during lockdown. There are more occasions my friend has been to the clinic after contracting something from a SW ... but you get the picture.

TheExclusiveSandwich · 02/05/2024 14:29

Nice friend. 🤔

MaryBerrysEyelashes · 02/05/2024 14:40

Did you have to work out a lot
lots of waxing and primping?

Hellothere70 · 02/05/2024 17:38

TheExclusiveSandwich · 02/05/2024 14:29

Nice friend. 🤔

I'm not going to claim perfection, neither are any of my friends. But what kind of person would I be if I abandoned them, when they have an addition, and they're trying to stop and work through their own demons!

TheExclusiveSandwich · 02/05/2024 19:25

Fair enough. Apologies

Hellothere70 · 02/05/2024 20:18

The friend that I spoke of today suffered horrendous abuse both sexual and physical, that as a youngster I couldn't remedy for him. Now we're both adults, I try to do my best to help him deal with things I never had to.

Both SW and Client, I try hard not to judge, because I don't know what life experiences have bought them to that point in time.

What I do object to, is any kind of advocacy, glossing over, or simple plain nonsensical statements, in favour of .... !

Like I said, I've seen this game first hand for far too long, and I'm far too long in the tooth to pretend that sex for money in any context, or the sex industry as a whole, provides any kind of long term or lasting benefits, either for individuals or society as a whole.

Any kind of POV in favour of SW, is simply for the deluded!

ConfusedGooseEgg · 23/06/2024 11:40

Hi,
I am a new SW, been working for the last year really to help keep on top of finances. I find it so lonely not being able to talk about this work with my friends, for obvious reasons. How did you manage the loneliness and confusion this work brings?

Lillysnotroses · 23/06/2024 13:35

ConfusedGooseEgg · 23/06/2024 11:40

Hi,
I am a new SW, been working for the last year really to help keep on top of finances. I find it so lonely not being able to talk about this work with my friends, for obvious reasons. How did you manage the loneliness and confusion this work brings?

Do you have an end goal? I think the more money you have the more you spend. I've had tines when I literally didn't have a penny. Recently my ex has stopped paying for our DC I have had to juggle my finances and cut down on a few things but we manage fine. Is SW something you actually NEED to do for the money?

Krystal504 · 26/06/2024 08:15

FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 20:08

For 12 years I worked as an escort, I also did occasional phone & cam work. I varied between working full time and part time, but around half was full time and the other half part time.

I've been put off doing one of these because of how they usually go but I'm always banging on about people making assumptions about sex workers and accepting stereotypes about us so I might as well.

To be clear, this is a thread for people who want to ask questions, not for people who just want to make a point about sex work or sex workers.

Anyway, if anybody cares...ask away Smile

Did u enjoy it and in this world crisis would you recommend it as a side job to earn extra money

ConfusedGooseEgg · 12/10/2024 09:23

I currently have no desire to stop SW as it helps pay for the things my kids, and I need.So, my real burning question currently is. Did you work during your period,and if so how did you get round that?

TheExclusiveSandwich · 13/10/2024 09:05

Just take the pill all the time that’s not a thing to do with sex work

Lillysnotroses · 14/10/2024 20:44

ConfusedGooseEgg · 12/10/2024 09:23

I currently have no desire to stop SW as it helps pay for the things my kids, and I need.So, my real burning question currently is. Did you work during your period,and if so how did you get round that?

When you say SW pays for things for your kids. Such as what basic nessecities like clothes from H&M. Or the lastest gadgets like a PS5?

FeminismIsForALLWomen · 19/10/2024 19:38

Crikey, didn't realise this was still going!

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