AMA
I used to be a sex worker, ask me anything
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 20:08
For 12 years I worked as an escort, I also did occasional phone & cam work. I varied between working full time and part time, but around half was full time and the other half part time.
I've been put off doing one of these because of how they usually go but I'm always banging on about people making assumptions about sex workers and accepting stereotypes about us so I might as well.
To be clear, this is a thread for people who want to ask questions, not for people who just want to make a point about sex work or sex workers.
Anyway, if anybody cares...ask away 
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 21:11
All the blokes I've met who admit to using sex workers tell me that they were "different from the other clients" and that the women they met would ask for their number to meet "as friends" is this likely to be true or were they just suckers, lying or being played do you think?
I'd say a lot of clients think they're not like other clients, because people often believe ridiculous stereotypes. I doubt any sex worker asked for their number to meet up as friends.
Oakesandashes · 09/10/2020 21:14
Hey op, fellow sw, can I ask why you disliked agency work?. I run an agency with 7 other women. We were all independents but came together to form our agency. We all pay in house fees to employ 2x receptionists, pay the rent buy supplies ect. I feel much safer having others around. We all look out for each other
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 21:19
Hi @CringeInwardly 👋
I've had a stalkers, yes. I had a seriously determined one quite a few years ago who I reported to the police, only to be told it was my fault for being a prossie 
. Fortunately I've had a better experience with the police re stalking since then but it really does depend who you report it to because a lot of them are terrible. NUM helped me a massive amount with reporting.
In terms of communicating with the actual stalker all I would say is tell them once, clearly to not contact you/come near you if you want but then don't communicate with them at all, they are committing an offence and it needs to be reported, via NUM if needs be.
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 21:23
Did you have relationships during your working period? If not, did you feel you had to put that side on hold or did you just prefer to not have a relationship anyway?
Yes, I did. I don't consider that sex is the only important part of a relationship and I think it's possible to have an emotionally close relationship if one or both of you is having paid sex.
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 21:28
Do you have a partner during your time at work? If so how do they deal with what you do? What do you tell people you do for a job instead?
Yes, I had a couple of relationship's while working. As to how they dealt with it I suppose you would have to ask them, but honestly if they know the situation going in and there are firm boundaries there's not a lot to deal with.
I didn't often lie about what I did, and still don't, but if couldn't be bothered explaining or wanted to spare someone their blushes I'd say I worked in customer service.
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 21:32
Do you have a high sex? How do you get in the mood to have sex with someone you're not attracted to?
I enjoy sex but I don't think I have an abnormally high sex drive, no. I didn't ever really 'get in the mood' beforehand, it was my job.
I've used the analogy of having a night out Vs working in a nightclub before. I'm not there to enjoy myself, I'm there to do a job, and I'm fine with that.
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 21:37
Did you ever get “the feels” from a client?
Sorry I don't know if you're asking if they got the feels for me or I got the feels for them!
I've felt a connection a couple of times in 12 years but didn't pursue it because I think maintaining boundaries is important.
They've got the feels for me shitloads though! I'd refuse to see them again if they ever asked me out, because it's crossing a boundary on their part.
🙈FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 21:43
Did you have many regulars vs 1 off clients? Did any admit to using an escort for the first time?
It varied, sometimes during quiet time I had mainly regulars and sometimes probably 20% regulars and the rest new.
I had quite a lot who said they were visiting an escort for the first time, the older I got the more of them I got!
Sharpandshineyteeth · 09/10/2020 21:48
How do you feel waking up knowing you have a few bookings? Did you look forward to it or dread it? Or somewhere in between?
Also, some feminists say that to do that type of work, you have to dissociate, which is like bringing on a mental illness. Do you agree with that?
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 21:51
Did you ever have clients that you just couldn’t bear to do anything with (B.O/creepy/dominant etc) ? Or could you just switch off to it?
I suppose everyone has their turn offs but for me it was boundary pushing or making negative comments about other sex workers that I just couldn't stand. It's usually obvious before they arrive but if they started that shite during a booking I just ended it.
Also rudeness or general disrespect, I have an expressive face so there's no point in me trying to hide anything & it's best I just tell them to leave.
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 21:56
In a typical day, how many clients did you have?
It's an unpredictable business so there's really no typical day. It could be none or as many as I wanted to take.
Do you not get sore?
No. Lube, lube & more lube!
If you apply for another job in the future, what are you going to put on your CV?
Probably the same as what I put in my CV to get my current job, which is the truth with a few things omitted.
Is it a myth that men often just want to talk?
I'd say sometimes rather than often, but it's not a myth that they want to talk. They just feel most comfortable talking when they've already been very vulnerable with someone.
MadameTuffington · 09/10/2020 21:57
@FeminismIsForALLWomen
Firstly, there is more than one type of man who pays for sex. A man who goes to an agency or a brothel with no regard of whether someone is working consensually is a different customer from a man who books with an independent.
It's such a diverse situation that there's no one answer.
Thank you OP - such a great thread - really interesting answers :)
FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 22:04
Did you ever feel unsafe, or threatened?
At times, yes, but mainly from afar. It would be nice if all police took violence and threats against sex workers seriously.
Was there anything you absolutely wouldn’t do, and if so (don’t expect you to share that) were the men okay with that or did they become aggressive?
Of course there were things I wouldn't do, sex workers have boundaries just like every other person! Generally I'd make my services clear in my advertising and if someone didn't bother to look or asked for something I didn't do before we met I wouldn't take a booking from them. If it became clear during our meeting that they wanted something I didn't do I'd tell them no once, and if they asked again I'd end it. I didn't have a problem other than the occasional boundary pusher, but they didn't get aggressive.
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