I used to be a sex worker, ask me anything

[FeminismIsForALLWomen]

For 12 years I worked as an escort, I also did occasional phone & cam work. I varied between working full time and part time, but around half was full time and the other half part time.

I've been put off doing one of these because of how they usually go but I'm always banging on about people making assumptions about sex workers and accepting stereotypes about us so I might as well.

To be clear, this is a thread for people who want to ask questions, not for people who just want to make a point about sex work or sex workers.

Anyway, if anybody cares...ask away

[KnitFastDieWarm]

I have a massive amount of respect and love for street workers but nothing but hatred for the men who pay for their services.

This is very true @FeminismIsForALLWomen. I used to work with women involved in street sex work and while they are some of the bravest, most vulnerable, and most generous-hearted people i’ve ever met, the men who buy their services are rapists. They get off on the power imbalance and the vulnerability, it’s hideous.

I also have several acquaintances who are involved in the sex industry and are genuinely happy with their lives and choices. It’s not for me, personally, but then neither is being a SAHM or a corporate lawyer.

There’s a MASSIVE difference between women who are selling sex out of financial desperation/addiction and women like the OP who are making a considered choice about what works for them.

[oreoicecreammmm]

There's nothing untrue about this

On the last thread it emerged that all of the current and former prostitutes posting had a history of sexual abuse as children. That’s borne out by research across the whole of the sex trade, the vast majority have a history of CSA.

Prostitution harms all women. I don’t think this cheerleading of sex work is appropriate in any context, much less on a website aimed mainly at women

Hopefully no desperate women come on here and read this thread which is all 'flexibility, good money, just a job, boyfriends didn't mind a bit!' and think this is some easy work they can do to pay the bills and not fuck with their mental and physical health.

[FeminismIsForALLWomen]

There's nothing untrue about this

The poster said that on a previous thread all of the sex workers had been abused, which is not true, and would not be representive anyway. They had also said that research shows most sex workers have been abused which is not true, there is no valid research which says this which can be applied universally. I also find it really distasteful that they're trying to use previous abuse, whether it exists or not, to discredit or dismiss sex workers. Abuse doesn't make someone incapable of making decisions or giving consent.

Hopefully no desperate women come on here and read this thread which is all 'flexibility, good money, just a job, boyfriends didn't mind a bit!' and think this is some easy work they can do to pay the bills and not fuck with their mental and physical health.

Well hopefully if someone desperate does see this thread she'll read it better than you did but if she misses the part where I say I don't recommend sex work she would be free to ask me about it.

[oreoicecreammmm]

I read it fine thanks. My knowledge of prostitution isn't reliant on your thread. When you write stuff like this I realise your thread is pointless and you have no idea


Abuse doesn't make someone incapable of making decisions or giving consent.

[EmeraldShamrock]

Hopefully no desperate women come on here and read this thread which is all 'flexibility, good money, just a job, boyfriends didn't mind a bit!' and think this is some easy work they can do to pay the bills and not fuck with their mental and physical health
That is a bit unfair. OP hasn't encouraged anyone to take up the job.
If some poor woman thinks it is a easy life by one thread she must be desperate.
I also notice an upsurge in young women dipping there toe because they like expensive things or would rather the life travelling shopping while young over settling with some chap.
Some of my niece's friends do Onlyfans they are sensible use their looks, one is back from a paid 5* trip to Mexico.
They may regret it they may not.
Prostitution is not only for desperate women.

[Goose365]

Good on you for sticking up for yourself and your choices. I have a few questions, if that’s okay:

You’ve said that you usually “fake it” but have sometimes enjoyed it. I wondered if that was the case with the few women clients you’d had? I would have thought (perhaps wrongly!) that they’d know if it was fake...although I guess they might not care anyway. Sorry if that’s too personal.

You’ve said that you’ve had partners while you’ve been in this line of work. Did you tell them before you started dating, or after you’d got to know them?

And finally, did most people ask for what they wanted during the booking process before you met, or was it just assumed because if what you advertise that you offer that they could decide on the day what happens in their time slot? So how much of the encounter was planned or spontaneous?

[FeminismIsForALLWomen]

You’ve said that you usually “fake it” but have sometimes enjoyed it. I wondered if that was the case with the few women clients you’d had? I would have thought (perhaps wrongly!) that they’d know if it was fake...although I guess they might not care anyway. Sorry if that’s too personal.

I don't think I orgasmed with any female clients and I'm sure I didn't bother to fake it either. Women aren't likely to get offended or take it personally if you don't though.

You’ve said that you’ve had partners while you’ve been in this line of work. Did you tell them before you started dating, or after you’d got to know them?

They were people I met through friends and they knew what I did before anything started between us. If I was going to go out dating or do tinder I'm not sure what I'd do, because people can have some horrible opinions on sex workers. I've never really been one for dating randoms though.

And finally, did most people ask for what they wanted during the booking process before you met, or was it just assumed because if what you advertise that you offer that they could decide on the day what happens in their time slot? So how much of the encounter was planned or spontaneous?

I've never done role play so it was more spontaneous for me. I didn't allow much talk of or questions about services because of timewasters relentless attempts at getting trying to get free sex chat out of sex workers. Plus if they were asking it's likely that they hadn't bothered to actually read my advertising which isn't a good sign either. There were some things, like using the strap on that I'd usually need to prepare for so I always asked them if they wanted that or gfe or a combination, but other than that I'd usually just let the bookings flow.

[Boobsquestion]

What did you want to know about the client beforehand, when they booked? Age? Weight? Services required?

Did they pay in cash just before or electronically? If the former, did a lot not show up?

[FeminismIsForALLWomen]

@Boobsquestion I wanted to know if they'd read my advertising properly, roughly the type of experience wanted, their name & a couple of bits for screening.

When I started I only worked in cash then I started taking deposits for longer & some advance bookings, but still took the majority of the payment in cash at the beginning of the booking. No-shows are pretty common, especially when I was in a new area.

[Enrico]

How do I put up shelves on a plasterboard wall? Do I just keep drilling and hope i meet wood eventually?

[FeminismIsForALLWomen]

How do I put up shelves on a plasterboard wall? Do I just keep drilling and hope i meet wood eventually?

Usually I can help guys get wood but not in this situation, sorry. Have you heard of Google though?

[FeminismIsForALLWomen]

Sucking dick should not be viewed as a career option for fucks sake.

You can have whatever opinion of me as you like, but at least be respectful towards sex workers. I'm not ashamed of having done sex work and whether you like it or not, it's work.

[FeminismIsForALLWomen]

@JKRforPM I'm fine with having sucked dick for a living (past tense btw, but it seems to be all the same to you). It's not the phrase or description of sex work that's disrespectful.

You were implying that I'm a troll because you don't like my view of a job that I had for many years, and saying that sex work is not valid work. Trying to shame sex workers because they disagree with you or do things you find unacceptable is disrespectful. PLEASE try to remember that we are people.

[FeminismIsForALLWomen]

Apologies @JKRforPM I've realised I didn't define, as asked, how to be respectful to sex workers.

You could start by not taking parts of our job and using to imply that the work is not valid. As an example it would be rude to care workers to say "Wiping arse for a living is not work", because it is work, personal care is not necessarily derogatory and even if you think it is it's not a reason to insult the care worker. It's as rude to say "Cooking pizzas is not work" as it is to tell us that our work is not valid. You don't get to choose what work is valid.

If you want to be respectful then most important thing is to listen to all experiences of sex workers, good and bad, and understand that it is a diverse and complicated subject. All experiences are valid and it's not for any if us to say otherwise.

[MissConductUS]

I'm surprised by the level of hostility you've received here. Thanks for the very frank and informative thread.

[FeminismIsForALLWomen]

I'm surprised by the level of hostility you've received here

I'm not @MissConductUS, but thanks

[Enrico]

Well all experiences exist so I guess must be "valid" in the sense that they are by definition experiences. Doesn't mean that all experiences are the same, otherwise what is the point of having experiences or of apprehending existence at all?

And what is this claptrap about cooking pizzas or performing caring duties? Sounds to me like those guys in assembly giving it "well a cream egg is just like Jesus really, if you think about it, hey kids?"

[DameFanny]

I'm sure that sounded clever in your head @Enrico but you might want to clarify that last paragraph

[FeminismIsForALLWomen]

And what is this claptrap about cooking pizzas or performing caring duties? Sounds to me like those guys in assembly giving it "well a cream egg is just like Jesus really, if you think about it, hey kids?"

@Enrico It's not ok to take a part of someone's work that you personally find unpalatable and use that as a reason to pretend their work is not work. It's also not ok to use it as an insult.

Doesn't mean that all experiences are the same, otherwise what is the point of having experiences or of apprehending existence at all?

Which is exactly why I said you need to listen to all experiences of sex work, because they vary wildly and it's a complicated subject.

[Enrico]

False equivalency utilising the familiar invoking deflection for the purpose of insidious rhetoric.

[DameFanny]

Not pointing out a reductionist insult with other examples then?

[Enrico]

That was to @DameFanny. Any one thing is "like" anything else if you flex it hard enough to suit you.