My husband is trans ftm AMA

[WhatOnFuckingEarth]

That’s about it. My husband is a heterosexual trans man and I’m a heterosexual cisgendered woman. We have two kids conceived via IVF (aged 2.5 months and 2 years). He is 5 years on testosterone and 8 years post double mastectomy, 3 years post phalloplasty, 2 years post final genital surgery.

Did you get together pre or post transition? Were you fully aware from the start?
Congratulations on your new baby!

@SandysMam We got together a year after he started testosterone and when we went on our first date he told me. Thank you

Did you have any reservations? My friend and I were watching catfish yesterday and there was a trans person in there and the convo came up about if we would date someone like that. Didn’t really know what to think really!

Did you feel apprehensive about a second date or was him being trans a non issue from the start?

@JizzPigeon22 If you’d asked me before I first met him, I would have said that I’d never marry a trans person. However it was a love at first sight type of thing and as soon as I spoke to him I knew I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life and wasn’t fussed that he was trans.

This is the situation with someone close to me and I haven’t felt able to ask him...

Would you mind saying whose eggs you used to conceive the children and how that decision was made?

I wonder what egg harvesting is like for ftm trans people, and if it’s even possible once they’ve started testosterone etc.

@TrickyKid Not particularly, I gelled so well with him that I didn’t see him as a trans man, I saw him as a cisgendered man, so I saw no issue.

Congratulations on your baby.

Is your husband more sensitive to your needs in comparison to other men you have dated?

I’m just wondering if he’s the best of “both worlds” with his emotional intelligence? More caring and sympathetic to period pain for example?

Hi OP, I hope this question isn't too instrusive and feel free to ignore or tell me to get lost, but you said your husband was 3 years post phalloplasty but you obviously met him before the operation.

As you have described yourself as heterosexual and your husband was identifying as a man when you first met, how did this affect your sexual relationship? I hope this isn't offensive and again, feel free to ignore.

[quote WhatOnFuckingEarth]@TrickyKid Not particularly, I gelled so well with him that I didn’t see him as a trans man, I saw him as a cisgendered man, so I saw no issue.[/quote]
Did you call yourself 'cisgendered' before you met him?

Congratulations on your children OP, I know IVF is a very difficult thing to do. Did you have to pay or was it funded? (Or one of each?)

What's the difference between phalloplasty and final gential surgery? I thought phalloplasty was the end point, surgery wise, for trans men?

@NameChange84 I am happy to answer , when I first met dh he was pre-testosterone and we had a discussion about freezing his eggs just before we started. In the end he decided that he didn’t mind not having biological dc and was willing to use my eggs. So we decided against it. We went down the path of sperm donors and my eggs.

So was he female when you met? He presented as a man? Does he 'pass' did you know he was really xx?

@CodenameVillanelle No I didn’t, and I’m only using it now to describe the fact that I saw him as not trans and clarify that I am not trans. In everyday life I wouldn’t call myself a cisgendered woman.

How old was he when he started to transition? Is it usual to have a mastectomy 3 years before starting T? And do you think he has changed as a person since undergoing these enormous changes (positives and any negatives!)? - I guess I'm wondering how much of his life he's spent pre and post transition and how this has affected him.

@HoneysuckIejasmine Thank you :-) The phalloplasty can’t be done at the same time as creating the testicles. He had a second operation to give him testicles and a pump installed to make his penis go erect.

@KenDodd When we first met he wasn’t on testosterone, but passed as male as he is naturally very tall and is quite muscular and lean.

Also, does he have any apprehension about going into male spaces like loos, changing rooms, or is he confident about passing - or feel it's not an issue even if he doesn't?

[quote WhatOnFuckingEarth]@CodenameVillanelle No I didn’t, and I’m only using it now to describe the fact that I saw him as not trans and clarify that I am not trans. In everyday life I wouldn’t call myself a cisgendered woman.[/quote]
Why not just call yourself a woman? Really, since that's what you are. He's a transman and you're a woman.
I don't know why anyone chooses to label themselves in relation to not being trans.

@bishopgiggles Normally, people have the mastectomy after starting T but he felt that the mastectomy was more important for him so he did that first. You can do it either way. He was 25 when he socially transitioned (he/him pronouns and new name), 28 when he had a mastectomy, 31 when he went on T and 33 when he had the phalloplasty. He is definitely more confident and outgoing, also less anxious since he had fully transitioned.

How did you meet and did you know he was biologically female when you met or did you think he was male?

Thank you for answering my question, I really appreciate that.

Is he named on your children's birth certificate as the father?

@bishopgiggles He is now confident in passing, but would not use single sex spaces if he didn’t pass. He looks like a cisgendered man and would be booted out the women’s bathroom.

@KenDodd Yes he is as he has officially changed his gender marker.