My husband is trans ftm AMA

[WhatOnFuckingEarth]

That’s about it. My husband is a heterosexual trans man and I’m a heterosexual cisgendered woman. We have two kids conceived via IVF (aged 2.5 months and 2 years). He is 5 years on testosterone and 8 years post double mastectomy, 3 years post phalloplasty, 2 years post final genital surgery.

@Smallsteps88 just as @ohfudgeit says I see him as a man and he looks like a man, he sees himself as a man. Therefore I see our relationship as heterosexual. I would appreciate not having aggressive comments but I hope that answers your question.

@BooFuckingHoo2 already answered

I hope this question is ok to ask - but I am confused about how sex is enjoyable for you both if you know he isn't getting any sexual sensation out of it? Doesn't it feel weird to be enjoying yourself sexually when you know he is not having sexual sensations?

And does this mean he will never have sexual sensations or orgasm again?

@Ohfudgeit

Grool, you clearly don't understand what trans is, if you insist on describing him as a female.

Identifying as trans doesn’t change your biology. The OPs husband is still female so it’s accurate to use female.

Ohfudgeit of course I understand what a transman is, don't be so ridiculous. A transman is a female who identifies as and presents as a man. That doesn't change the fact that biologically they are female, as humans cannot change sex. When discussing sexuality it's important to specify someones biological sex.

@formerbabe No they don’t.
@Ohfudgeit My mother still doesn’t accept our relationship and as so we have minimal contact with her. She didn’t come to our wedding. However we have a better relationship with my father and it has triggered a separation and a family rift. Of which I feel guilty for.

I haven’t given any aggressive comments and I find it quite sinister that you would attempt to shut me down by accusing me of aggression.

[quote Imissmoominmama]@FlamedToACrisp - my DH doesn’t have a male best buddy and do blokey things. We generally do things as a couple, or with other couples- not by design- it just evolved that way. He’s still a man though.[/quote]
Haha my DH doesn't either. It wasn't an 'Are you male?' test - I just wondered what their lives were like.

OP I really respect you for your honesty here, I’m GC but I absolutely respect you and your DH’s right to live as you are. Your DH has gone through an incredible amount to get to where he is and it’s lovely to hear about your family together.

Did your partner mourn the loss of their clitoris?

What will happen if at some point he detransitions?

[quote WhatOnFuckingEarth]@justdontatme Dh wants to leave behind the fact he is trans and live life as a man with no stigma or recognition that he is trans. We both find the GRA very far flung regarding trans rights and not representing the majority of trans people who want to get on with their lives as their chosen gender.[/quote]
Hear you loud and clear about the trans - albeit your dh will need to be recognised as ftm for medical reasons.

The majority of feel this way about cis. Please stop using cis. It is very very offensive not to mention against MN guidelines. We are women.

OP I think you're very brave to post this here. Mumsnet is often not very welcoming to trans people.
How does your DHs family feel about his transition? Does he have decent friends that he's known on "both sides" as it were?

No judgement or hate here but I would also find it extremely difficult to have a sexual relationship with someone who couldnt get any sexual pleasure. I think it would really bother me. But hats off to you if it works for you both.

Ohfudgeit could you kindly explain how humans are able to change sex?

(That’s not me saying he will detransition or that being a trans man is a phase, I’ve just read a lot about detransitioners lately and wondered how it would work if that person is in a relationship with someone that describes themselves as heterosexual, no offence is intended)

It’s important to you grool that doesn’t mean it’s appropriate, particularly when you are attempting to aggressively assert another person’s sexuality, you don’t get to do that.

In terms of your relationship, do you see him as a 'protector'?

For example, I see my dh as someone who will physically protect me...so if we were walking down the street and someone tried to mug me, I'd see my dh as the one who would physically protect me and deal with that situation? Or if we heard an intruder in our home, he'd always be the one to investigate that? Is that the same in your relationship?

@Smallsteps88 I find it sinister that despite the OP being very open, honest and patient and having fully explained fully that in her and her DH's eyes he is male- you continue to refer to OP's DH as female. It's rude and disrespectful. If you told me your name was Karen and I decided I was going to just keep calling you Susan you would find it rude and get pissed off-- this situation really isn't any different. Refer to people as they wish to be referred to ffs- it isn't that fucking hard.

@Smallsteps88 I quite honestly don’t know how to answer you as I said I accept that my husband is biologically a woman (as far as chromosomes go) but he looks and identifies as a man. Therefore in my eyes he is one. I understand that you may disagree with me but I don’t want to argue, just inform.

The majority of feel this way about cis. Please stop using cis. It is very very offensive not to mention against MN guidelines. We are women.

As far as I can see OP only used “cis” when referring to herself or her husband. She hasn’t referred to any other woman as ciswoman. She is entitled to identify herself however she likes.