My husband is trans ftm AMA

[WhatOnFuckingEarth]

That’s about it. My husband is a heterosexual trans man and I’m a heterosexual cisgendered woman. We have two kids conceived via IVF (aged 2.5 months and 2 years). He is 5 years on testosterone and 8 years post double mastectomy, 3 years post phalloplasty, 2 years post final genital surgery.

@MaeDanvers Doesn't it feel weird to be enjoying yourself sexually when you know he is not having sexual sensations?

No more weird than enjoying your partner using a vibrator on you, surely?

What do you think their mates would say if they found out your partner is trans?

@WhatOnFuckingEarth

Do you feel that transmen are men and trans women are women? Or that transmen are transmen and trans women are transwomen?

Similarly, does your partner feel that they are biologically 'male', or do they recognise themselves as biologically female?

Op I have a question and I really don't mean to be rude or intrusive, so please feel free not to answer. Up until you met your husband, what was your previous dating/sexual experience like? Did you have any same sex attraction? Did you date men or women or both? Have you ever had a negative sexual experience with either men or women? Again apologies if these questions are too intrusive, please disregard if you would rather not answer.

If you told me your name was Karen and I decided I was going to just keep calling you Susan you would find it rude and get pissed off-- this situation really isn't any different.

Actually it is different because names are something we can change. Sex is something we can’t. My name can be Karen today and Susan tomorrow. But my sex will always be female. When discussing sexual orientation we use sex. The OPs husband’s sex is female, their gender isn’t their sex.

I don't like the word cis, but I can see why the op used it in her opening post.

Thanks for being so honest...I think you're brave for starting this thread.

How do heterosexual couples behave in that instance? Don’t lots of people use donated eggs and sperm and register themselves as parents?

Surely the glaringly obvious fact is that he has changed sex.

It's not possible to 'change sex'. A person can take hormones/have surgery to make their body resemble that of their preferred sex more closely, but they cannot actually change sex at a biological level.

The OP's partner has changed their gender presentation, not their sex.

1. Does he orgasm, ever, or does the surgery mean it's not possible?

1. What does he think about trans women joining women's sports?

Thanks for being so open about it all.

Ignore the mean comments and try not to waste time on them. People will always have a case to argue. Just move on. No point labouring over and over.

I have to say I find it easier watching women trans to men. I find the other way much harder. The whole 'suck my dick' thing at JK Rowling on Twitter was just over the top and seemed very very odd.

1. Do you have an opinion on that?

In the end as long as you are happy and not harming anyone (which certainly don't think you are), I think good luck to you and wish you all the best!

@Fanthorpe Thank you for being respectful of us and appreciating our differences.
@BoggledBudgie He has been completely medically transitioned for two years and socially transitioned for roughly a decade, so I doubt that he would detransition and haven’t given it much thought.
@mylittlesandwich My dh’s parents are both very accepting and are now comfortable with his transition. Yes he does have friends from before his transition. That is how we met!
@formerbabe I have always been a bit stubborn and feisty so I have never felt like any partner of mine has protected me. More that we protect each other iyswim. It’s split evenly.

I’m curious about your partners upbringing. There’s a high correlation between sexual abuse/ issues and wanting to transition.
Is that the case for your husband?

Have you discussed what it will be like when you are old and hormone levels change and how will being on a lifetime of effectively “the wrong hormone” affect his body?

Your name is an expression of yourself, a way to indenting yourself and for others to identify you, in the the same way as gender expression is the way in which you and others identify you.

So you’re correct, you can change your name in the same way you can change your gender identity and expression.

This is really interesting, thankyou OP.
The fact that your partner has no sexual sensation is sad, it must have been very hard to give that up, and I think is testament to how incredibly difficult it must be to live with gender dysphoria. But it sounds as if he's found some peace and you both live a happy life.

Is it because of the surgery he has had that means he has no sexual arousal. Did he know that before having the surgery? Is it a well known thing? I didn't know it. I wonder if people thinking about transition realise this. Would it put them off?

You said you’re both heterosexual, however, as this is a same-sex relationship meaning it’s a lesbian relationship. Do you acknowledge that?

I'm sure others have said it, but please don't use the term 'cis' - I don't know any woman is happy about identifying with a system of patriarchal oppression.

OP how do you and your husband feel about the autogynephilic mtf takeover of the trans movement? Specifically males who behave and look like males demanding access to female only spaces - despite having fully functioning penis and a sexual attraction to females (and calling themselves lesbians to boot).

Is your partner autoandrophile?

So I take it you think that a person finds another persons chromosomes sexual, that’s what they’re attracted to pligity?

I thought people were attracted to physical characteristics, personality and demeanour, the outward expressions of oneself, not microscopic parts of cells.

WhatOnFuckingEarth thank you for this thread. My loved one is just starting their transition and it looks like a very long, scary and unknown road ahead.

If course, as this thread proves, there is a certain type of person who sits behind a screen smugly being utterly dismissive, and downright rude to transgender people and their loved ones. I have encountered many of them too, and simply pity their blinkered view and obviously small minds where they can't open themselves up to anything other than their very narrow view of the world.

These are people who stereotype everyone who is part of a community based on a few who behave badly, which, thankfully, is what the world is starting to fight against now.

I wish you and your husband all the best, and your story gives me hope for my loved one

@bunningandstrave just wondering do you ask the same questions to heterosexual couples struggling with infertility about the birth certificate and 'real' fathers when they've had to use IVF to conceive?