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AMA

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

I'm Barry, AMA

386 replies

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 15/08/2019 12:55

Hi there girls (or should I say ladies, I know how 'PC' you lot are).

I hear you have some questions for me? Well go ahead, I won't bite - unless you want me to, of course Wink

Link here

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SmellbowSpaceBowl · 21/08/2019 18:16

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SmellbowSpaceBowl · 21/08/2019 18:17

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UrsulaPandress · 21/08/2019 18:18

Aw Jesus. Where’ve you been.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 21/08/2019 18:25

LaMarshallin and Anne I do indeed know the origin of that symbol. While it is commonly misunderstood to mean a 'hand clap', it is in fact an exact, photo-realistic representation of Elon Musk's third nipple, right down to the corrugation lines and little hairs radiating outwards. From childhood, Musk would softly caress and tweak his third nipple when looking for inspiration. One day, he was trying to think of a way of making his tweets more relatable, when he hit on the idea of emojis! He nervously proposed the idea to the inventor of Twitter, along with some rough sketches, and that ruthless individual stole his brainwave! Now, the only clue we have as to the true origins of the emoji is Elon Musk's third nipple, which he included as a symbol for 'inspiration'.

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pooopypants · 21/08/2019 18:29

Oh Barry, my dreams have been answered!!!

Where TF was the ironing board in the end???

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 21/08/2019 19:13

Ah, an excellent product Lonely, I shall buy MrsBarry one for her next birthday (as I mentioned, she's already getting a fridge this year - don't want to spoil her!)

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JesusInTheCabbageVan · 21/08/2019 19:23

Nurse depends, was he a devilishly handsome chappie as well as being wise and debonair?

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JesusInTheCabbageVan · 21/08/2019 19:30

TellIt I am Barry of course! Don't get me started on Snotblower - a very melodramatic young lady who won't listen to good advice.

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JesusInTheCabbageVan · 21/08/2019 19:42

Anne with all you lovely ladies keeping me busy, I think the question is more where will I find the time to stack the dirty dishes neatly and pile my laundry up so that Mrs Barry can get stuck straight in when she returns!

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AnneKipanki · 21/08/2019 19:53

Were you in Eastenders ?

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 21/08/2019 19:57

Smellbow now dear, don't disparage yourself - there's no such thing as a stupid question. Repeat after me, please? Well done.

In the simplest terms, 'mansplaining' is exactly that - a gentleman explaining a concept to a lady. Why is it 'a thing', as young people say? Well, it all boils down to what I was saying earlier. Men have logical brains, and women have emotional brains. Your emotional brains mean that you are superbly equipped to perform many jobs. You can tell what men are thinking, almost before they know it themselves. You know instinctively how to calm us down after a stressful day at work. And multitasking? You only have to watch Mrs Barry cleaning and sorting laundry while getting a full Sunday roast underway to appreciate the formidable female brain running at full power.

However, nobody is perfect, and unfortunately in order to benefit from your female brains, you have had to sacrifice certain skills, such as maths, politics, science, technology, engineering, history, geography, medicine, finance, business, sport and literature, to name a few. That's where mansplaining comes in. Our logical brains enable us to grasp these trickier concepts, and break them down into easily digestible chunks for you. You're welcome!

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iklboo · 21/08/2019 21:09

@MNHQ I respectfully ask that Barry's thread is moved to classics post haste as surely that is somewhere somebody of his status and towering intellect belongs?

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 21/08/2019 22:26

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LovelyCocksReg · 22/08/2019 08:13

Hi there Baz. I like to sleep with my feet out of the covers because they get a bit too warm. How do I stop monsters from eating them?

AnneKipanki · 22/08/2019 09:57

What do you do to keep trim ? Where do you keep your blue sequinned jumpsuit ?

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 22/08/2019 13:52

poooopy I'm sorry dear, could you be more specific? Mrs Barry does all the ironing in this house (well, not at the moment, she'll have her work cut out when she gets back!)

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JesusInTheCabbageVan · 22/08/2019 13:54

Anne certainly not in Eastenders! That was a very poor specimen of Barryness - I am far superior, physically and mentally.

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JesusInTheCabbageVan · 22/08/2019 13:59

iklboo couldn't agree more! May I say it's very rare to meet a lady 'on my level', as it were, who is able to recognise and appreciate all of my many finer qualities. I fear the girls in your 'MNHQ' aren't quite on the same wavelength.

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JesusInTheCabbageVan · 22/08/2019 14:12

Lovely oh bless you, some of the things you ladies worry about are so sweet! I would say I've learned almost as much from all of you as you have from me.... But of course that wouldn't be true. Anyway, if you're worried about monsters and that hopeless man of yours isn't up to the task of chasing them off, just let me know your address and send a recent photo. If I like what I see, you'll have a completely different hairy beast nibbling on your toes in the night! Rrrrawr.

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JesusInTheCabbageVan · 22/08/2019 14:19

Anne to keep trim - this may surprise you, but absolutely nothing! The reason for that is that exercise is not good for you, contrary to what many people believe. The body is naturally designed to convert calories into muscle. When you exercise, you're burning precious energy and your body goes into 'emergency mode'. Instead of building muscle, which is complicated and needs lots of energy, your body stores as much calories as possible in the form of fat, in the hope of converting it to muscle in future.

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AnneKipanki · 22/08/2019 15:16

Thanks Barry .
I am going to get my husband to carry me everywhere now...no point in me using up my calories.

What inspired your username ?

RainingFrogsAndHats · 22/08/2019 15:18

Hi Barry.

I hope you can help. I have a job which requires me to do a lot of driving. My company is due to buy me a new car soon. I have a budget of up to £30k.

Can you recommend what car I should get? I like blue ones and silver ones. Not very keen on black or red.

Also, I'm not very good at parking and I struggle if ever I have to go backwards, so whichever car you recommend, please could you take this into consideration?

Thanks so much.

AnneKipanki · 22/08/2019 15:48

Barry ...I will PM you the address ...

pooopypants · 22/08/2019 16:24

@Jesus

There was a thread a while back about a poster whose ironing board was missing and she couldn't find it in her flat. I don't think the anyone ever found out the answer and if she found it or not

Maybe she ought to buy Mrs Barry a new one though, if she's got a shit tonne of your ironing to get through upon her return?

@MNHQ please move this to classics!!!

LovelyCocksReg · 22/08/2019 20:07