I'm Barry, AMA

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Hi there girls (or should I say ladies, I know how 'PC' you lot are).

I hear you have some questions for me? Well go ahead, I won't bite - unless you want me to, of course

Link here

Scruff get the kids or the missus to do it.

Barry, are you in the Flash or EastEnders? Which one? You have to pick one.

Barry.
How do you arrange your cutlery drawer?
Knives, forks then spoons?

If you are indeed 'my' Barry (from the other thread)
Please, for the love of christ can you start encouraging your mate, my customer (or cuNtomer as he's affectionately known) to form a fucking opinion of his own and stop using yours for EVERYTHING. I'm sick to my back teeth of hearing '"Barry said..."

I'm aware that you are very knowledgeable Barry, from your replies on this thread but surely you can't know everything and you don't need to speak through another human do you?
Please have a word....;)

Preschool you know flying ant day? When the nest gets too crowded, some of them sprout wings so they can go off and start new nests. Well the same thing used to happen with dinosaurs. When there were too many brontosauri (that's the plural) or whatever and all the grass had been eaten, some of them were born with wings so they could fly off to find more grass. Then they'd report back and do this sort of dance to communicate to the rest where the grass was. That's also how bees evolved! So in answer to your question, chickens came first.

Poshjock scones aren't just a tasty snack. They originated as a secret code. When the English invaded Cornwall, they would execute anyone caught speaking Cornwall language. In those days, there was a mini ice-age and snow everywhere. The crafty Cornish folk invented cream teas as a way of signalling to resistance fighters when a rebellion was due. Jam (blood) under snow (cream) meant bury your dead and wait. Jam (blood) on top of cream (snow) meant prepare for battle! Over time, Cornwall accepted English rule and all the rebels moved to Devon. As to the correct way... Now you know what it means, you can decide for yourself!

Bettys Dogs can NOT look up because they essentially have two bony neck structures. They have a thick rigid 'top neck' to protect them from attacks from other dogs, and a flexible 'under neck' that enables them to look down when hunting or breaking a crap-hole in the ice (see my earlier answer to Wurzels).

You know what I love about this thread? Through your very intelligent questions, we're starting to see how everything is connected. Why dogs can't look up, why some of them can use toilets, how chickens are related to bees. Clever girls!

Can we have a new Mumsnet saying .... 'you're being a bit of a Barry'

mind if you've been paying proper attention to my answers, you should have a clear mental picture of me as the Barry from the Flash (because that is indeed what I look like). If you're thinking Barry from Eastenders, either you haven't understood some of the more complicated answers, or you're not concentrating! Put down that lipstick, turn off Love Island and get your husband to talk you through any bits you're not sure about. I know you might feel embarrassed to ask, but you'll find he'll respect you EVEN MORE for admitting when you're stuck.

I knew I could rely on you for sound, sensible advice Barry. Off to buy a sledge so we can ditch the car once we bring our husky home, thanks for the advice .
Ps I picture you with a comb over ( like the open uni lecturers used to have on bbc2 ) . That’s why you know so much.

Red I am British and proud of it, so of course I make sure Mrs Barry arranges the cutlery according to the Fothergill system. What's that? I hear you ask. Well, pre-WW2, everyone arranged their cutlery however they liked. Towards the end of the war, when the Germans slipped through the chaotic American defences and reached the Normandy beaches, England had to prepare for invasion. Most households were unarmed, as even axes and chainsaws had been requisitioned for salvage. Lord Fothergill invented the Fothergill method to empower ordinary English families to defend themselves against the Third Reich. Knives on the left, then forks, then spoons. The idea was that, even in a blackout, if the Germans came knocking, the man of the house could immediately locate the most lethal weapons - the knives. Next, his good lady wife would avail herself of the forks (good for stabbing). Finally, the children and servants would take the spoons, for gouging. Fun fact - the 'spork' was invented by a child free family, but fell into disuse after the war and was only recently rediscovered.

pickle hmm, see that could be me, or it could be my cousin (Barry) or even my dad (Barry). We're a large, happy family, you'll be pleased to hear! I hope you'll agree that there's no such thing as too much knowledge. Course you do.

Bravo. 😄

flumpy excellent idea! If you want to make somebody's day, tell them they're a bit of a Barry.

Barry you're so helpful. I've always wondered how planes stay up in the air when they're so big & heavy. Did they learn from the dinosaurs?

Now I hear a few of you you saying, Barry. You seem to know everything! Well, I try. But sometimes I make mistakes, and this particular post is an apology to @Scruffalicious*. Scruff, my dear, I did not stop to think that your question might be a genuine plea for help. Of course, as a female, you don't have a missus to shut the door! And having made a study of Mrs Barry's door closing technique, it has dawned on me that this is an area where women do struggle. When I come home from the pub, I close the door in a firm, masculine fashion as a signal to Mrs Barry to get dinner on the table. However, when I'm relaxing after dinner and I shout to her to close the door so I can't hear her rattling the dishes around, she boots it shut so hard I can hear the windows rattle. My conclusion: women lack the upper body strength to close doors in a controlled manner. To create a more peaceful environment for your husband, use both hands and try your best to 'check' the swing at the last minute.

My dad is called Barry you're not 71 & actually my dad are you??

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

I'm due to do a trauma list in theatre on Monday morning, the weekend so far, has been a mixed bag of weather, therefore it's a bit tricky to "predict" the nature of the injuries incurred. What do you think will be likely to present? Trampoline injuries / fosiling fractures / DIY digital disfiguration?

Thanks Baz.

@JesusInTheCabbageVan and do you know Even Phillip? I really do like the sound of him! 💕

You have good taste.

Oh my god! It's Barry!!

Dear Barry, I recently put petrol in my diesel car and my husband went mad at the bill! If cars can only take one or the other, why don't they just pick one and make all cars take the same? And which one should we pick?

@EvenPhilip 😍

@NurseNancyandDoctorDavid🌹

Thank you, Barry. I've been trapped in the kitchen since I asked the question because I was afraid to leave in case I closed the door the wrong way.