I'm Barry, AMA

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Hi there girls (or should I say ladies, I know how 'PC' you lot are).

I hear you have some questions for me? Well go ahead, I won't bite - unless you want me to, of course

Link here

[EskewedBeef]

What car do you drive, Barry?

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Pass Now don't tell me some of you ladies don't secretly like Trump as well! You certainly talk about him a lot. I mean, the man must be doing something right to have married two such lovely ladies. Money? Don't make me laugh, the man's a bankrupt.

I know this lad, Brian, moved down here from Hull. Cracking boy. He reckons it's all about the tiny hands - Brian's the same way. He won't say why though.

[dearohdearohdear9]

Ive been looking for you Barry, a personal question for you here.

Why did my mum invite you to spend the weekend at her house when I was dating Brian?

Oh and do you like living in my shed? I tell Brian that you come indoors when he leaves.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Ford transit van Beef - it's the only thing I can fit the missus in! (Joke) (Not)

tit dear, I haven't forgotten you, don't worry! Yours is a knotty one and I have to think it over.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Right, meaning of life. I think it's to learn as much as you can, about everything under the sun, and then use it to help others. They might not like it, but if you have a real thirst for knowledge (as I do) it'd be selfish to keep it to yourself. Just look at everything you've learned from me today, and it's encouraging you to come up with some smashing questions! That's what gives my life meaning anyway. I should have been a teacher.

[Gazelda]

Barry, what cure do you recommend for a boil?

And I've a funny feeling your lawn would put Wimbledon Centre Court to shame, I don't know why I think that, but I do.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

dear It's a nice organised shed, but I'll be honest, the Hayter Harrier 41 is a better all-round lawnmower, especially if your husband lets the grass get a bit out of control.

I'm good friends with your mum, she's a fine woman. We love our occasional weekends together, been going on since, ooh, must be about 9 months before you were born?

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Gazelda guilty as charged!

Boils are caused by vegan and vegetarian diets. We're carnivores, we need meat, and if you aren't getting enough protein, your body starts to eat itself. The toxins that are released irritate your skin and cause Boils. Nice t-bone steak every day for a week will clear it up!

[Passthecherrycoke]

😭🤣🤣🤣🤣

[MrsMoastyToasty]

Barry, milk then coffee or coffee then milk?

[Straysocks]

Hi, Barry, just wondering now that I am approaching menopause but not actually there yet if it is too late to switch to a moon cup?

[DaphneFanshaw]

Hi Barry, can I call you Baz?
If my head was chopped off but medics (quite possibly guided by your sage words and wisdom) managed to keep my brain / head and my body alive... Which one would be me?
Also, how do make novelty clothes for fleas?
I saw a lovely pair of dressed fleas in a museum today and i was thinking about giving it a go.

[64sNewName]

[Wurzelsnewhead]

Barry, we’re being badgered to get a family dog but I know I’ll end up doing the poop duties. I don’t fancy it.
I’ve heard of cats that are trained to use the loo, do you think I could do the same with a dog ( and teach them how to flush too of course).

[Scruffalicious]

Barry, what's the optimum way to shut a door?

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Milk then coffee Mrs, otherwise the milk gets heated up too fast and the calcium molecules dissolve. Won't make a difference to the taste, but you don't get the benefit!

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Stray now I know a bit about the female body, so I'm glad you asked me that.

Lots of women don't fully understand how menstruation works. It's just a natural part of your body preparing to have a baby - nothing to be alarmed about! Every month, if there's no baby in there, your uterus has a bit of a clear out and you lose a small amount of blood. Usually around a teaspoon. Moon cups are better than other methods because they sit in a completely different part of the cervix, so they last a lot longer before you have to bin them and buy more. If you're getting on a bit, you might find that there's a bit less elasticity and you have to ram it up there. But it can certainly be done!

[Straysocks]

Elasticity is not a worry. Thanks, Barry.

[EskewedBeef]

Elasticity is not a worry. Thanks, Barry.

Flirt

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Now now girls, play nicely

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Daphne well I would have said the head, but since Mrs Barry went through the change and lost her lovely figure, I feel like I'm married to a completely different woman! So on that basis I would have to say body if you're a woman, and head if you're a man.

Novelty clothes for fleas, no money in that, but you could look into a clothing line for worms. Look at this Queen worm picture for ideas.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Wurzels Now I know dogs, in fact a lot of my friends and family come to me for advice. Only certain breeds of dog can be trained to use the loo, you want to look for a breed that comes from somewhere cold, like a husky or a malamute. Reason for that is they do their business by going out on a frozen lake, breaking a hole in the ice, and shitting in there. It's what wolves do, and those breeds are very similar to wolves. So a toilet looks a lot like a hole in the ice to them.

[PreschoolPlease]

Barry, did the chicken or the egg come first?

[Poshjock]

The only question of any importance is:

What is the right way to serve scones: cream on top of jam (Cornish way) or jam on top of cream (Devon way)

And why is it the right way.

[BettysLeftTentacle]

YAS!! Welcome Bazza!

Can dogs look up??