I am child-free by choice AMA

[MikeCheck12]

Ask away...

What was your childhood like? The reason I ask is because I’m also childfree by choice, but when I think about it, I’m pretty sure that my not-exactly-idyllic childhood has affected that decision
My childhood was good. Looking back, I have some issues with a few things (my parents smoked in the house, my mum instilled some pretty problematic ideas about gender roles etc.) but I recognise that these things are just opinion and style. There was no abuse or neglect or anything.
I was, though, an only child so I don't know if that's been an influence because I wasn't really around children at home.

How do you feel about spending time with friends who have children when their children are present?
I have one friend who is child-free by choice and she honestly looks like she’s been asked to sit in a room full of steaming turds rather than playing toddlers if she comes round for a coffee or something
Your description really made me laugh! I don't mind if they bring their children along and I'll make all the right noises. However, I don't enjoy spending time with children so I'd always rather they didn't bring them. I also hate it when I've arranged to catch up with a friend and they bring their child which then ends up with it being a 3-way meeting and, at times, me sitting like a spare part while they see to their child. I don't mind if it's a really young baby that needs specific things or if my friend's a single parent with no other option though.

Do you enjoy interacting with other people’s children?
TBH not really. I find children quite boring and annoying.

Do you work high up in a business role where you think it would be hard to take time off for pregnancy and birth? What I mean is, would children disrupt your career path?

I'm childfree by choice too. Best decision in general, but I also really don't like the mess, smells, explosive bodily fluids everywhere etc that goes with small children. E.g. snotty faces make me gag especially with food all over them. I have to leave the room when a toddler is eating. Do you have a similar sense of revulsion for very small children?

Do you work high up in a business role where you think it would be hard to take time off for pregnancy and birth? What I mean is, would children disrupt your career path?
No, I don't have a high powered business job at all. Children wouldn't disrupt my career path at all, my organisation is very good at mitigating periods of maternity leave.

Do you have a similar sense of revulsion for very small children?
Yes, I do. I can't be near a small child eating, it really turns my stomach. I know people say it's different with your own and I'm sure it is (I see this even with my dog - no way would I pull a length of Xmas tinsel out of a random park pooch's arsehole but I've done this with my bare hands for my dog and not really flinched )

I'm happily childfree too, & at 44 staying that way. I think my body just never got the memo. I love my niece & nephew & I'll smile at kids on public transport but I've never felt the urge to have any of my own.

That's really interesting what you say about messy eating, Mike and Blackbird. Ever since I can remember, since I was a young child, I've had a phobia about messy eating / food on people's faces or clothes. It's more under control than it used to be but there are still times when I have to get away quickly before I start retching. Maybe there is a connection there somewhere.

I've had a phobia about messy eating / food on people's faces or clothes. It's more under control than it used to be but there are still times when I have to get away quickly before I start retching. Maybe there is a connection there somewhere
Once when I was at PILs and we were going out for a meal, their granddaughter sicked up a little bit on FIL's shoulder just before we were about to leave. FIL was in two minds about changing his shirt but thought "better had do". I was You have fucking vomit on your actual fucking clothes, why the fuck would you not change you manky bastard? I told DP I was really relieved because I couldn't have sat anywhere near him with literal vomit on his clothes!

Do you ever worry about being lonely when you are older?

Do you ever worry about being lonely when you are older?
Not at all. I have DP who I hope will be around for a long while.
I hate the idea that adult children will be some kind of antidote to older people's loneliness or even become carers. It's such a burden.

If I had children, I'd hope they'd be far too busy living their own lives to worry about me being lonely. They might live abroad, not have time or simple not want to come over all the time to stop me being lonely.

I'm with you OP.

Just never felt any biological clocks ticking or maternal urges.

As an adult looking on, it all just seems so incessantly tedious and expensive and limiting, for decade after decade. Fuck that. As for the undignified, unpleasant business of being pregnant?

I also have grave concerns when people get pregnant not knowing if they really want to be parents. IMO, unless you are without a doubt positively convinced you want children, don't have them on the off chance you might find it ok.

IMO, unless you are without a doubt positively convinced you want children, don't have them on the off chance you might find it ok.

So no-one should have children?

It means that if you're ambivalent about it, don't.

Is child free a new phrase for people who don't have children? I always think child free means your kids are being looked after by someone else I suppose it sounds better than child-less!

Is child free a new phrase for people who don't have children?

'Child free' to me is a positive statement whereas 'child-less' is negative and my choice to not have children is definitely positive.

Its a phrase I only ever seem to use on threads like this.

Childless: people who would like to have children but don't / can't.

Childfree: people who don't have kids because they don't want them. There's quite a big difference.

Yes childless implies we're missing out on something, which obviously we don't feel we are.

I know people who are childless & the word just doesn't fit me.

Me too op, in my early 50s now and post hysterectomy so def not going to happen and I couldn’t be happier. Been married for 30+ years, and it’s never been an issue

In fact, I don’t understand why anyone does have children, from TTC to pregnancy, birth, feeding, nursery, school, teenagers, drugs, alcohol, teen pregnancy risks etc etc, I just don’t see the attraction at all

When you say you've always thought why would anyone ever have children. What's so bad about them that made you think that?

Also, I've always wondered whether it feels very annoying or even hurtful to child free people when say colleagues make pregnancy / birth announcements and quite openly show their excitement, send photos around and so on? Thanks.

In fact, I don’t understand why anyone does have children, from TTC to pregnancy, birth, feeding, nursery, school, teenagers, drugs, alcohol, teen pregnancy risks etc etc, I just don’t see the attraction at all

For me kids are an excellent motivator. By way of example, I literally never could get into the habit of brushing my teeth before I had kids. Now I do it every morning and evening to model the behaviour to the kids. All the little self care stuff I just couldn't be bothered with before, having kids makes me do it. And I actually feel better for things like getting enough sleep, keeping the place tidy, brushing my teeth, eating healthier food etc.

It’s certainly not hurtful to hear pregnancy announcements, why would it be? If they’re happy, I’m happy for them, not overly interested, but happy

I listed all the things that I think are difficult, stressful, not-for-me, about having children. I honestly can’t think of a rational reason why you would

Could you ever imagine youself getting into a relationship with someone who has children, either small or adult children? I didnt want children untill I became a step mum.
Do you have child relatives?

For me, no. There aren’t many children in our families, out of 7 siblings (inc my husband and I) there are 2

Sorry op, not trying to take over your thread