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AMA

I am child-free by choice AMA

130 replies

MikeCheck12 · 18/07/2018 09:15

Ask away...

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 18/07/2018 09:17

What on earth are you doing on MN????

Just kidding Wink

Same here OP. Have you always felt this way or was it a long process?

MikeCheck12 · 18/07/2018 09:20
Grin What on earth are you doing on MN???? Where else can you get people snapping and farting, naice ham, penis beakers and elderly Korean ladies all in one place?

Have you always felt this way or was it a long process?
I've always known I didn't want children from as long as I can remember, even when I was a very young child myself.

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 18/07/2018 11:14

A couple more questions from me:

Are you married? I think pressure to have children gets much worse if you're married

Do you often feel glad that you have children or do you just not think about it much?

Gromance02 · 18/07/2018 11:17

I'm child free by choice too OP. It doesn't really cross my mind. Just a lifestyle choice that wasn't for me. No big back story. I have a lovely life, great husband. Certainly don't feel as though I'm missing out on anything.

Annabelle4 · 18/07/2018 11:39

How old are you?

EspressoPatronum · 18/07/2018 11:40

Do you have any pets?

FishinthePerculator · 18/07/2018 11:45

I've been thinking about starting this AMA but MikeCheck has got there before me. Happy to chip in though!

lynmilne65 · 18/07/2018 12:40

Don't care

DieAntword · 18/07/2018 12:44

Do you accept that paying taxes for things like schools, child benefit etc is a good and worthwhile use of public money considering the alternative or are you one of those "child free" people who resents the idea that other people have children as well? How do you feel about (not super upmarket) cafes and restaurants having children in attendance etc?

Gromance02 · 18/07/2018 13:10

DieAntword I don't mind taxes paying for schools etc. I do prefer child-free places so always go to adult only hotels. What I do find amusing when people say (not to my face) things like 'who will look after you in your old age?! Utterly ridiculous. I don't want to look after my own parents so why would anyone else expect their children to look after them!

mydogisthebest · 18/07/2018 13:12

Do you get many rude comments? I am child free by choice and have had some really horrible things said to me over the years

MikeCheck12 · 18/07/2018 14:03

Are you married? I think pressure to have children gets much worse if you're married
Yes I'm married. DP was pretty ambivalent about having children but has come around to my perspective- didn't need much persuading.

Do you often feel glad that you have children or do you just not think about it much?
I don't think about the "decision" much because it's just who I am. It wasn't really a decision to make. However, a lot of my friends have children of various ages and I always think "thank God that's not me" Grin

How old are you?
I'm 35.

Do you have any pets?
I have a dog.

Do you accept that paying taxes for things like schools, child benefit etc is a good and worthwhile use of public money considering the alternative or are you one of those "child free" people who resents the idea that other people have children as well?
I don't mind paying my taxes Grin I don't resent other people having children- we need people to have children to pay our pensions!

How do you feel about (not super upmarket) cafes and restaurants having children in attendance etc?
Personally, I would prefer to go to child-free places. However, I wouldn't complain about children being around in a place which allows/welcomes children.

Do you get many rude comments? I am child free by choice and have had some really horrible things said to me over the years
Yep! The more nasty comments don't really bother me as much as those about me changing my mind. I feel as though the nasty comments are deliberately nasty by nasty people but when people say "you might change your mind" this is so often said out of genuine concern and friendship and people just can't see how fucking patronising, rude and offensive it is. If you try and pick them up on it, I always feel like people perceive me as a right-on Femi-Nazi type!

OP posts:
DieAntword · 18/07/2018 14:07

but when people say "you might change your mind" this is so often said out of genuine concern and friendship and people just can't see how fucking patronising, rude and offensive it is.

I think people say stuff like that because almost everyone who has kids used to think they "never wanted kids" at one time.

DownAtFraggleRock · 18/07/2018 14:10

Mike - I think you might be me Grin

FoxAndBear · 18/07/2018 14:12

Are there any parts of having children you like the idea of? Eg. for me the thought of having lots of children and their partners all come round for a Sunday dinner is a lovely image for me for the future, however idealised that is...

I guess my question is was it a decision where you weighed up the potential pros and cons and decided against, or just the thought of children made no sense to you in any way?

MikeCheck12 · 18/07/2018 14:13

I think people say stuff like that because almost everyone who has kids used to think they "never wanted kids" at one time.
I get this and I don't care if they think I might change my mind but don't say it.
It's patronising. Just because someone's sister's friend's cousin's wife changed her mind after not wanting children for years, doesn't mean I will.
No-one says to a pregnant woman, or to someone who plans to have children in the future, "you might change your mind" so why say it to those who are child-free by choice?

OP posts:
Racecardriver · 18/07/2018 14:13

Did you ever doubt that you would never have children or did you always think that it would never happen 100%? What about now? You are still of child baring age-do you think you may change your mind or are you dead certain you won't have children even if it means having an abortion?

DieAntword · 18/07/2018 14:15

or to someone who plans to have children in the future, "you might change your mind"

That's not honestly true. I used to talk a lot about plans for kids and I constantly got inundated with horror stories about how awful kids are and how I should enjoy my freedom instead.

MikeCheck12 · 18/07/2018 14:16

Are there any parts of having children you like the idea of? Eg. for me the thought of having lots of children and their partners all come round for a Sunday dinner is a lovely image for me for the future, however idealised that is...
There is honestly not a single thing about having children that appeals to me. And I don't just mean having young children, I also don't want to be a parent to teenagers or adults.

I guess my question is was it a decision where you weighed up the potential pros and cons and decided against, or just the thought of children made no sense to you in any way?
That's a really good way to put it- it just makes no sense to me! It wasn't at all a "decision" to make. From when I was a really young child (I mean as far back as I can remember), I've just always thought "why would anyone ever have children?". It's never something I ever wanted or imagined doing.

OP posts:
MikeCheck12 · 18/07/2018 14:19

Did you ever doubt that you would never have children or did you always think that it would never happen 100%? What about now? You are still of child baring age-do you think you may change your mind or are you dead certain you won't have children even if it means having an abortion?
I always knew 100% it wouldn't happen. There was a time when I worried it'd be inevitable (I worked in a place where that's what was expected of women and I was dating a guy who very much wanted the 2.4 children sort of life) and it panicked me massively as I thought I was going to be trapped in a life I really didn't want.
Now I'm of child-bearing age, I will never have children. If I fell pregnant, I would have an abortion. I had an abortion a few years ago after a contraceptive failure.

OP posts:
MikeCheck12 · 18/07/2018 14:20

That's not honestly true. I used to talk a lot about plans for kids and I constantly got inundated with horror stories about how awful kids are and how I should enjoy my freedom instead
Oh God, how bloody rude!

OP posts:
blackbirdbluebottle · 18/07/2018 14:22

I’m child free too and loving it! I’m hoping this isn't a trap by a secret mumsnetter to get all of us to come out of our hiding places and get kicked off 😂

MikeCheck12 · 18/07/2018 14:24

I’m child free too and loving it! I’m hoping this isn't a trap by a secret mumsnetter to get all of us to come out of our hiding places and get kicked off
Promise it's not! I really love that there are lots of child-free people on MN. I found MN about six years ago and I found it really warm, supportive and funny but I did feel like a bit of an impostor at first.

OP posts:
NameChangedAgain18 · 18/07/2018 14:27

What was your childhood like? The reason I ask is because I’m also childfree by choice, but when I think about it, I’m pretty sure that my not-exactly-idyllic childhood has affected that decision.

MyBreadIsEggy · 18/07/2018 14:27

How do you feel about spending time with friends who have children when their children are present?
I have one friend who is child-free by choice and she honestly looks like she’s been asked to sit in a room full of steaming turds rather than playing toddlers if she comes round for a coffee or something Confused
Do you enjoy interacting with other people’s children?
I know lots of people who don’t have kids and love spending time with my kids but are happy that they can hand them back at the end of the day Grin