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AMA
Original poster

I'm God. AMA

299 replies

RealGod · 30/06/2018 18:02

Trying to be hip with the kids and the internet seems to be the main form of communication these days, beats carving shit into stone tombs anyday.

AMA.

Got about an hour before I gotta get back to work, got my main man Jegudiel manning the post right now.

OP posts:
OutwiththeOutCrowd · 30/06/2018 23:40

Which is better, a delivery from Tesco or a deliverance from Tesco?

Original poster
RealGod · 30/06/2018 23:41

Ifyousee

The earth was filled with violence and great wickedness.
Probably a bit OTT yeah but I was a lot less chill in my younger years. I've learned now only to smite people with smaller floods.
I'm working towards stopping all together but the world seems to be getting worse and smiting is super satisfying.

OP posts:
Original poster
RealGod · 30/06/2018 23:44

Outwith

Probably a deliverance from the stress of a Saturday morning Tesco shop followed by a home delivery from Ocado if we're being honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
RealGod · 30/06/2018 23:45

Notlean waves

Love ya too. The Holy Spirit says hi.

OP posts:
ThinkingTed · 01/07/2018 00:37

Bless me Father for I have sinned, it's been about 25 years since my last confession but I regularly call your name weekly for getting my tween out of bed - mates rates?

RealJesus · 01/07/2018 06:55

Judas! Last night was awesome bro! #brosbeforehoes

Man so I'm so hungover though. Anyone know how to shut angelic choirs up?

RealJesus · 01/07/2018 06:56

And yes they bloody nailed me to that thing!

"No powers on earth son, you need to know what it's like to live as a human," he said, as he nobly refused to volunteer himself. "Don't worry though, won't be long." (Wish I'd listened to that last bit.)

Would rolling clouds and the sanctified paradise of beyond mortal realms count as a Stately Home?

TheRealJoseph · 01/07/2018 07:44

Would rolling clouds and the sanctified paradise of beyond mortal realms count as a Stately Home?

Now now Son, Just because you had a hard life working with your hands & I let you have few decades years traveling the "Far East" to find yourself.

You now live in sheer bloody luxury, just think yourself lucky. Look what happened your cousin Brian. So yes you do live in a "Stately Home"

Anyway if you're bored you could go and help your Uncle Lucy(fur) with the paperwork, he's only a few eons behind with the paperwork.?

RealJudas · 01/07/2018 08:03

Jesus dude, I'm off to the skate park.

RealJesus · 01/07/2018 08:10

Judas dude, dope! On my way bruh.

(Dad FFS I wasn't talking to you, stop cyberstalking me, it's embarrassing. Besides, Brian was a very naughty boy. Everyone knows that.)

TheRealJoseph · 01/07/2018 08:16

Jeese...me lad everybody knows that parents ARE susposed to be embarrassing. Grin

Aridane · 01/07/2018 09:25

Who or what is the Holy Ghost / Spirit?

SinisterBumFacedCat · 01/07/2018 09:27

In 2016 did you decide it was time to update the juke box a bit?

borntobequiet · 01/07/2018 09:34

Hanging in waiting for @RealHolySpirit to appear. A ball of flame or gust of wind would do nicely.

RealMaryMagdalene · 01/07/2018 09:35

Jeez complaining about that cross, again! It was CGI, green screen and everything.

The decades in the Far East didn’t do much for maturity, still disrespecting the parents. Too many spa days and coconut oil treatments for your hair rather than meaningful travel.

Anyway, it’s @RealGod day off so give it a rest.

I’m off to yoga with the daughters you pretend you’ve never heard of !

BoreOfWhabylon · 01/07/2018 09:42

AIBU to think it is slut-shaming to refer to me as 'Mother of Prostitutes and Abominations of the Earth' just because I like a bit of a party?

And, FYI I did not commit fornication with ALL the Kings of The Earth, it was just a couple of them. And not at the same time.

Same goes for my friend Lilith. We have been reviled down the ages and it's just not fair.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 01/07/2018 09:45

Does God visit MN on his day of rest? If so, I'd like to know if he prefers guitars, tambourines, raised arms and swaying or hymns and solemnity?

Or would he prefer not to be worshipped at all? That's also an option.

RealJesus · 01/07/2018 09:47

Who's slut-shaming you babe? You're the best bits of the Bible to me and the twelve thousand other men you slept with. Me and Jude are still at the skate park if you're around?

And as for you, SHURRUP.

BoreOfWhabylon · 01/07/2018 09:47

AND MY DDs ARE NOT PROSTITUTES!!!

BoreOfWhabylon · 01/07/2018 09:49

Thanks RealJesus hun xxx
I'm more into palaces than skate parks though.

BoreOfWhabylon · 01/07/2018 09:54

I'm ringing 101 to report FaceBookOfRevelations for harrassment and bullying.

RealJesus · 01/07/2018 10:40

Fucking hell bae, untag me in those pictures! I'm friends with my mum on there!

Original poster
RealGod · 01/07/2018 10:42

Out I often start my Sundays with a cup of tea and half an hour of MN.

All worship is nice, particularly fond of a choir but I can't help think 'Yo, congregation, it's a lovely day. Get out. Go do something's, I'm everywhere. You don't need to sit in that building with that old dude nattering on'

OP posts:
Feckitall · 01/07/2018 10:49

What do you think of 'flat earth' boss?

Original poster
RealGod · 01/07/2018 10:52

I find flat earthers falls into the same category of people that voted for Trump and think that Kanye West is a good musician. shrugs

Not much more to say than that.

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