I'm God. AMA

[RealGod]

Trying to be hip with the kids and the internet seems to be the main form of communication these days, beats carving shit into stone tombs anyday.

AMA.

Got about an hour before I gotta get back to work, got my main man Jegudiel manning the post right now.

Thus spake the Lord. Woe unto you o eaters of Chicken flavour crisp! Your Houses shall all perish and fall into the sea and much Blood shall be spilled by the fallen, but they will not repent. And in the last Days they shall fall to their knees and cry "Forgive us Lord, we could not resist that Chickeny goodness" and He shall reply "Go forth into utter darkness, ye trolls and chattering deamons" and they shall be cast OUT forever.

There is indeed life on other planets. Some of them don't fall under my jurisdiction and creation but you are most certainly not alone.

Surprisingly, people in heaven are not 'happy all the time'. People don't lose their emotions and individuality upon entering heaven so it's not one eternity of constant joy. The difference is they don't have the worry and uncertainty life brings. They can find comfort here in the knowledge they are loved.

But yeah, it can get a bit samey sometimes.

I usually create a new animal. Like the narwhale or the sea urchin.

We're not all happy.

SOME of us have to be ritually sacrificed and then spend eternity watching our trampy ex-girlfriends making out with our dad.

Not to mention - where do you think spiders go when they die? You think it's bad down there, just you wait.

Rainy, would you like a job on my PR team?

How did the Virgin Mary get up the duff?

Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I'd had a daughter instead sigh

Artificial Insemination.

Why? So you could make out with my ex-boyfriend instead?

Jesus Christ. Your father and I are friends for heaven sake. Your family love me, that's what they are meant to do.

For the love of God. Literally

You're just having a tantrum because I wouldn't let you move into my heavenly paradise earth Asia inspired floating lily mansion.

You wouldn't let me live with you on earth so why here, no shacking up remember? We could have gotten married but noooooooooo.

If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it.

Touche.

TheRealVirginMary was earth's first surrogate! I was inspired by her kindness and when my eternity life partner decided the whole bloodline controversy was too much and I'd have to stay in my floating mansion out of site for eternity if I had any more, I chatted to Mary and have been looking into surrogacy. My age, 2030 and all, I can't wait for eternity!

Love that/our lady. After the cruxifixction we stayed for the pictures of course, then shared a lovely bottle of wine.

Is this the first universe you have created? It seems quite sophisticated for a first go.

Great question Out! I want you to remember it in 2021 when The Event starts.

God, I love you. Reassured that your family has issues too. Not that you need it obvs but here is a token of my esteem and gratitude

Well look who's here!.

Please can you tell my housing association to redo the flaking off paintwork on the front of my block of flats and do something about the water pressure (but not a flood or wave parting or anything OTT? It’s just that I’ve phoned repairs department up a zillion times and they always say they’re getting round to it. But my neighbour says “God knows when that’ll be”. So when WILL it be?” Cheers.

You’re no role model as a parent, your son got mary up the duff then denied it
Denied it all, never touched her!no way dad,must have been immaculate conception innit

RealJesus ..... the Event? Does it involve blood red moons and horsemen or are we talking jumble sale in the church hall?

Ah @MrsFrTedCrilly !

So lovely to hear from you, what a lovely cup of tea! Sure have one for yourself to, ah you will, go on go on go on.

Your DH and I are friends, lovely man, turns out that money was just resting in his bank account after all! God gave me a lovely tropical floating garden and we all get together for balmy evenings, your DH often flies over on his lovely horse and joins the fun.

RealGod your answers are making me want to convert from an atheist to a religious person. Do any religions have it right? Do you have 2 legs like Christian thinks or multiple? Do you have multiple personality disorders which explains the Hindu belief in many gods? Why is chicken ok to eat but not pork?

@RealMaryMagdalene
That’s enough of your auld chat you’re mistaking me for Mrs Doyle.
I know nothing about any money resting in anyone’s account. There’s good reasons that golden cleric was awarded, he knew his way around Irelands largest lingerie department

Daisy I agree. God’s much more fun than I thought he would be! I’m beginning to lose faith in atheism!!

Hey God, How 'bout some back pay, as I spent money on raising "our" Son.

Evening Mary, me Love Is he treating you ok?

Jesus how about a manly hug?

Who's your favourite roommate god, Marilyn Monroe or Princess Di? Assuming they both came upstairs of course.

God

How does omniscience work? Do you have to think about something to know the answer, or do you just have total awareness? If the latter, isn't it a real pain knowing all the twist endings to movies before you've watched them?