MIL drinking 'concern'

This might simply be a case of the OP and her DH like to really let their hair down on holiday and the MIL is not a drinker or a party person and finds it all a bit unseemly. Perhaps they just shouldn't go on holiday together. And of course whether this is acceptable or not depends on how old the DD is. If she's a child and they are in charge of her then both of them being visibly drunk by teatime isn't ideal...

Woof woof.

Balance of probabilities on given information.

Drinking really is the root of lots of issues.
I just dont get it. Never missed it once when I stopped drinking when pregnant. So relieved to have found a DP who also doesnt drink.

While we were on hols last week the amount of people drunk leaving their children to their own devices in the day, when its their child's holiday too is absolutely disgraceful.

Appreciate your children are older now, your first post was like yeah ok 2 drinks, but then it turned to probably 4, in an afternoon and your husband is sleeping off his drinking upstairs. Sounds like a great holiday. Id be embarrassed if my parents had done this when I was with them too.

Late afternoon is, for me, about 4.30 or 5, and early evening would be 6 or 6.30
So that’s 4 g&ts, in quick succession, one every half hour, at least.

Unless you do that level of drinking spirits regularly, you must have been quite tipsy by the very beginning of the evening when everybody else was looking forward probably to a nice dinner together. So not a good look really for the others in your party.
And OP, that IS embarrassing to a 20 year old son, especially if you were slurring your words and a bit giddy with it or acting out of character.

As your MIL, I wouldn't have said anything at the time, as I know gin can make people defensive or looking for an argument, but I would certainly be a bit concerned and uncomfortable in her shoes. I would hope it was a one off rather than a pattern that was going to be repeated. Is that the case?

I think that for you to feel that you can drink as much as you like, because you are paying for the entire holiday for everybody including your MIL who dared to voice her concerns, then that will not serve you well in the long term.

Hope you can all enjoy the rest of your family holiday.

Well, yes, the point I was making was that ‘on holiday’ many people do drink more and daily, whereas most of us only drink a few glasses of wine/beers a couple of days a week at most throughout the year. Over an evening with a meal. And no, I’m a not a binge drinker - max 3 units, usually only 1-2.

We don't actually know what or how OP drinks - though other threads by OP do suggest that the more than a few gins is a regular occurrence, at home as well as on holiday, with embarrassing associated behaviours, which has made her DS raise the issue previously. OP doesn’t say whether others were similarly drinking - the fact she avoids answering would suggest that she may have been the only one to have had more than one drink. It is likely that her 4 drinks, unless she measured them, were a minimum of 2 units, but possibly more (my DSis and I realised at Christmas we were generous bar tenders and that our G&Ts could easily have as much as 3-4 units in, so we now measure every drink with a jigger so that we can carefully note units, especially as spirits are often a pre or post meal drink, so processed differently as they are not taken with food).

I am inferring that in fact OP may actually be in denial about her drinking habits and the fact that they have crossed the line into unhealthy territory. I’d suggest she consider having a few dry days over this holiday and then try a few dry weeks when she gets home. If she struggles with that then at the very least she needs to acknowledge she has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. DH and I do dry January and dry September (we know that our intake creeps up when the sun is shining and it’s BBQ season), but we also do the ‘never on a school night’ and even though we will have 6-7 units on occasion if having a meal, it is by no means the norm. If it is for OP, she needs to review. And the fact that her DS and MIL have raised the issue would suggest that the review is needed.

Jeezo. Do not go on holiday with your mil (and possibly your ds) again. Problem solved. You want a drink, or 6, on holiday, go for it. Remember, MN now have you diagnosed as an alcoholic op..

It sounds like you drink sensibly then and I agree with your latter points. It’s good to have a few dry months in the year to regain the baseline which it’s so easy to have creep up. I wish I could drink like you do but sadly I can’t so I stick to 0, if OP is able to moderate like you do then she’s on to a good one!

Seriously? Paying for a meal/holiday means you can act however you like?

Paying for something does not mean all those taking part have to suck up the behaviour of the payer.

I cannot understand the attitude of “I’ve paid for all of this, I can’t believe people are criticising me”.

None of us know if the OP is a drunken PITA and the Grandma and son are reasonably intervening or the OP is a perfectly reasonable woman having a few drinks on holiday and Grandma and son are being arsey.

But who paid for what doesn’t come into it.

The problem is that at OPs 'lovely family meal', at least two of the six people present had it impacted by OPs drinking. One refuses to stand up for her, and we don't know what the other two think.
As tempting as this is for people to make this an awful MiL thread, the fact OP thought it was 'lovely' doesn't indicate the MiL was a problem, until she inappropriately spoke her mind.
The fact that two people from opposite generations and with different relationships to the OP both expressed issues also indicates there may be some legitimacy to it.
Its obviously entirely up to OP how much she drinks. But some people's behaviour after drinking makes other people uncomfortable. And if they get sufficiently uncomfortable they start avoiding those social situations.
OP may not care if that's her in laws. But given she has a 20 year old son who still holidays with her, she may not want to risk that for the sake of drinking.

Late teens and early 20’s kids think they know it all and their parents are always embarrassing- so it doesn’t mean necessarily that this is a concerned child

Honestly it sounds like you did have quite a bit to drink - something to consider for the future if it was a one off or regular. Sound like DH was drinking a lot too. Perhaps it is something both of you need to think about? Only you know, but be honest with yourself.
However, not MiL business or DS and it sounds like it has spoiled your holiday. Therefore, given DS is now an adult too, my solution would be they don’t get to go on holiday with you in future. I’d be truthful- telling me I was an embarrassment spoiled my last holiday so I think it’s better we holiday separately from now on. Added bonus is that means you no longer have the pleasure of funding them either.

Your MIL is out of order, especially since she's being treated to a nice holiday.
I personally don't see the appeal of drinking like that but I can aee why you're upset. And your dh is a wet blanket. Make it very clear to him he's not keeping the peace, he's keeping his mum's peace.

2 people in your family have concerns about your drinking. Listen to them.

Is this pub measures of gin or 'home measures'?! The latter will be significantly stronger than a pub measure (even a double!). If the measure is a 'home' measure, then it's likely to be more gin than a pub double measure. So your 4 gin glasses, could actually equate to more than 4 single pub measures of gin!! In which case, you have consumed way more alcohol, than you think! Have you been drinking this amount every day of the holiday?

For your 20 year old son to call you embarrassing, did something happen?! Drinking 4 single measures of gin and tonic doesn't make you 'embarrassing'! What could be called embarrassing is someone becoming loud, unfiltered, giggling over every small thing, being obnoxious etc.

I have to assume your daughter is much younger than your 20 year old son? Equally, is your MIL one of these old fashioned people, who believe women shouldn't drink alcohol and it's something that 'men do'??!

Only you know how much alcohol you consumed, if you could have behaved embarrassing or if your MIL is a stuffy mare and part of the fun police!!

You say ‘dh, there will be no peace on our holiday or afterwards in our home if you don’t back me up here. I won’t put up with another comment from your mum while she treats you like everything you do is fine, don’t be a pathetic coward.’
i suggest you go out to eat and everyone can pay for themselves, including ds, dhs job to explain it to them. If he hasn’t you go pay for yourself and say dh was going to tell you.

her son is TWENTY, four G&Ts across an afternoon and evening while on holiday and out for a meal is not ridiculous.

Pull ttwat MIL aside with DH and tell her she either stops the patronising advice or she goes home.

Did I miss a post? Because I'm seeing replies saying "I don't see the appeal of drinking like that" and "sounds like you did have quite a bit to drink", when the OP had (checks notes) four gin and tonics? Across the afternoon and early evening, so what 3pm until 8pm? Including with a meal out. On holiday.

Either someone's telling porkies about the actual amount and her behaviour or some of you have very different tolerance levels.

Being the one to buy dinner doesn't mean you have carte blanche to be a bit of a dick or embarrassing in some way (in what way? there's so much we don't know!) BUT it's also possible that the MIL and the DS are joyless buzz kills.

So what was it about your behaviour that your son called it embarrassing?

All of this, especially the DS bit. I’d not be footing the bill for another holiday anytime soon and I’d stare them down over another g and t or two tonight.

As always with these threads, I think the most telling part is the vagueness on the details - how many drinks, really, in how long, why the son was embarrassed, why OP has apparently ponied up the full cost of a family holiday, why MIL would express concern for a one-off, why the DH is staying out of it.

If your DS keeps commenting on your drinking my guess is you are drinking too much. Drunken behaviour is embarrassing but the drunk doesn’t see it and won’t aknowledge it.

She said late afternoon into the evening so over a much shorter period. 4 gins is a lot anyway but over a short length of time it's definitely a lot.
I wouldn't bat an eyelid if a friend did that occasionally (or a relative) but for there to have been comments from two relatives (plus previous mumsnet post about drinking) it suggests there could be more to the drinking. The relatives might be wrong that it's an issue but they might not be wrong.