MIL drinking 'concern'

I’d be hammered after 4 G&Ts, but I’d never pull someone aside on holiday and say it’s excessive.

I have so many questions, they're probably not at all relevant, but...

Why are you paying for everyone?
Is there history with MIL? (In which case, refer back to my first question!)
Is this a normal amount of drinking for you? Do you think you were acting as though you were affected by it in any way?
How did your DS have the opportunity to chime in if you'd been 'pulled aside'?

Late afternoon to early evening is around 5ish to 7 or possibly 8. "About" 4 gins probably means you lost count. Even 4 is a lot of liquor in 2 or 3 hours. That both your MIL are bringing up your drinking is getting out of hand and your son is embarrassed by your drinking says your behaviour is likely inappropriate and you don't realize how you're acting.

Bring on holiday is not a license to be that drunken person that needs family intervention about how much they drink.

Don't tell them off about them being concerned about how much you're drinking and how you're acting , that kind of proves their point. Plus they're obviously concerned. It's a difficult subject and being defensive won't help you get you the truth.

Consider how much you're drinking, add up the amounts and see where you really land. 4 or more shots of liquor in drinks is a lot for a woman in 2 hours. You're middle aged and your liver is not going to metabolize alcohol like it did when you were in your 20s. Had you been drinking alcohol earlier on the day or drinking after they had this conversation with you?

Unless they were doubles (ie 8 units) and you are drinking that every day on holiday, alone, then I cant see the issue.

That said, DH, DS and I spent a week away recently. We all had a couple of drinks at the bar (def 3-4 units each) shared a bottle of wine with beers for the meal (so 4 -5 more units), two nights we cocktails and enjoyed the disco/evening entertainment. So, probs had LOTS of units over the week. We were aware, only drank while eating, never got slurry as drinking was over 4-6 hours - we don’t drink like that at home and didn’t drink again for 6 nights after we got back (ie the following weekend).

So yes, drank more than typically advised based on a weekly average, but it will even out of the the month.

I think you need to tell her to eind her neck if she want to have a free holiday with you again and I’d absolutely be giving DH an earful - I assume he was also knocking back the beers?

@Becc91 what was the reason for your DS saying you were embarrassing? What were you doing?

I think we need to know this so we can decide on which side is being unreasonable.

It sounds as if both you and your DH are heavy drinkers which is entirely your prerogative.

But I’ve never understood the logic behind being on holiday = ok to drink to excess every day. The damage inflicted on your health from downing copious amounts of alcohol every day for a couple of weeks is the same whether you’re in London or Lanzarote. People drinking pints at 5am at the airport to “get my holiday started early” is another oddity. Just why😂

I don’t know why so many people assume the DS is being a smart arse or rude. If he says he finds his DM’s behaviour embarrassing then he probably actually does. It’s a bit random to just make that up.

I’m also intrigued as to why you have paid for everyone to go on holiday!

@Becc91 Initial opinion is that its probably not excessive but I need answers to a few questions first. SO DS is 20, how old is DD?

Only asking because if DH is already away with the fairies and you have a young child with you, one of you needs to be sober, you can't just assume the ILs will step in. If the DD is in her late teens I think that is OK too.

Were you driving? If not, then what is the issue? If you are off your rocker every day, that is an issue, you are on holiday and this is the time to be able to relax a bit.

So it's already gone from 2 to 4. Were you drunk. Do you drink a lot on a regular basis.

Your pissed off reaction is also absolutely classic for people who actually don’t have a problematic relationship with alcohol

code for escaping his insufferable mother.

It sounds like the OP& Hubby are wanting to make the most of being on holiday & MiL was not expecting a day drinking holiday.

i just have an image of Mrs Bucket in my head 😂

It's not MILs place, at all, to comment on your drinking. Not ever, and certainly not on a freebie holiday with the intention of embarrassing her generous host.

If she was actually "concerned" she'd have talked to you one to one, and not on holiday.

And since her son drinks more than you, she can definitely start with him first.

And the way to keep the peace is for him to tell you he has his back and when you are all home he can then tell his mother never to overstep like this again. That will keep the peace, his cowardly placatory mumsy boy behaviour will not.

Hopefully that's a lesson learned for you, you don't go on holiday with her again.

I am, yet again, baffled at how many people here go to pieces at criticism and can't deal with confrontation.
This is impossible to answer usefully. Nice of her to pull you aside - but then how was DS chiming in? How can we know whether your assessment of a "couple" of drinks is correct? Why would you be "humiliated" if you weren't in the wrong? Why didn't you speak up? Does DH maybe not understand because you're not explaining yourself well?
Sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but the only advice I can imagine itshaving you approach your MIL and hash it out.

Sounds like a few drinks in a fairly short amount of time, and if your 20-year-old felt it led to an embarrassing change in behavior, you might want to take an honest look at whether you actually are sinking the booze a bit fast.

Whether or not you paid for the holiday is irrelevant.

Yeah. This.

Just don’t go on holiday with your MIL again. She should not be criticising you and not her son.
Why were you paying for everyone else at dinner?

I am wondering if there is more to the story here? Absolutely fine to have a couple (or even 4) G+Ts while on holiday if that’s the end of the story.

But if (a) she’s felt the need to pull you aside (is the “getting out of hand” comment about that one occasion, or your drinking in general?) and (b) your DS agrees, then that might suggest this is more a pattern of behaviour?

I say this from a lived experience of living with someone with an alcohol problem and who did not realise how awful they were on a daily basis after having “just a couple of drinks” now and again.

Very relevant in fact, because either MIL was just being a cheeky cow and humiliating her in front of her family for no particular reason, while accepting OPs generosity. Or she thinks it's fine to accept the generosity of a woman with a drinking problem, go on holiday with her, milk her for all she's worth - all the while knowing her dil is a lush who needs help - and humiliate her in front of her family.

Either way, not acceptable behaviour.

If OP drinks too much, a free holiday with OP as your generous host has paid for and you have happily accepted is not the time or place to humiliate them in front of family.

In fact that time is never.

The time to bring it up would have been when she mil was offered the free holiday, or after the free holiday. Not during it.

You don't take freebie holidays from women you want to humiliate in front of their family.

I picked up my 4 year chip last night.

If your 20yo son is telling you that your drinking is embarrassing, you’ve had too much. Whether it’s four or two or eleven, it’s more than you can handle.

Your “about” 4 tells us everything we need to know, btw. As does deflecting onto MIL and DH. Curb yourself.

If your 20 year old DS agrees then I think yes it probably is a problem based on the fact 20 year olds are often still in the phase where they respect anyone who wants to drink.
And you DH is clearly drunk.

Maybe the two of you should have a think about your drinking and if it is excessive

I think both mil and ds need to be told he who pays the piper calls the tune.

Having said that 4 g&t's in 4 hours would see me very drunk, but I'm a lightweight.

Go all inclusive next year OP and really show her how it’s done 😄

When it comes to rewriting the narrative to suit, it seems like you and the OP might be two peas in a pod.

2 drinks with a lovely meal /= about four drinks in a fairly short timeframe and “a bit of a concern” and a bad example /= “a lush who needs help”.

I’d be interested to know how much of this holiday and meal the OP has actually paid for all by herself and whether the MIL is in fact “milking her for all she is worth” as you excitedly speculate.

Given her son said she was embarrassing, it sounds as though the OP is the one humiliating herself in front of her family, possibly by being sloppy and loud. Not the end of the world by any means but nor is it behaviour you want to normalise to young adults on a low-key family holiday.

Oh, do you have a drinking problem? I notice that you are (yes you definitely are) attempting to pretend you think I have one, which is why I have to assume projection.

But I don't drink, except maybe four or five times a year, birthdays that sort of thing. Sorry to disappoint you. No need to try to pretend you don't believe me either :)

Anyway, all that aside, your over excited comments aren't relevant to what I said. So perhaps address them to someone else obsessed by totting up the numbers and trying to prove the OP's a lush.

Maybe she is, maybe not. That's not relevant to the fact that MIL should have shut her mouth and if she was worried at all not taken the freebie holiday, or spoken about it after the freebie holiday, not during it as an attempt to humiliate the OP.

So that's that.

Came for the judgy comments and was not disappointed. OP next time don’t waste your annual leave or your money and go on holiday with your husband, the rest are old enough to have their own holidays if they want.