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Are you still keeping normal contact with DSC?

(183 Posts)
Sunshinedelight1287 Fri 20-Mar-20 12:27:09

DH ex has decided she doesn't want DSC to come to ours for normal contact due to risks of the virus.

No one has any symptoms in either households.

Kids pick up from parents how we respond to this virus and now she's instilled fear about travelling between households. It's so difficult.

I wondered if anyone else has experienced this?

OP’s posts: |
Chucklecheeks01 Fri 20-Mar-20 12:32:45

My exh has said he doesnt want to see the kids until 'this is over'. Take from that what you will.

It did however preempt me having to say i dont think they should go. He hasnt been self iscolating, has been on holiday and is still at work.

My priority is to keep the kids safe. Im not doing it to punish him or scare the kids. Im vulnerable 6 weeks post brain hemorrhage so have to balance the rest i get when they visit him against the health risk of any of us catching it.

Im sorry but i believe normal behaviour should be suspended during a time like this. Honest conversations need to be had.

PinkCrayon Fri 20-Mar-20 12:46:53

No we aren't keeping normal contact.
Both parties are in agreement this is for the best.
Facetiming will have to be as good as it gets for now.
As shitty as it is life isn't normal right now, we all have to make sacrifices to stop the spread as much as we can. sadq

Sunshinedelight1287 Fri 20-Mar-20 13:08:19

You're both right. I guess we need to be adaptable.

OP’s posts: |
Annaminna Fri 20-Mar-20 13:50:28

My SC's mum said she dont want to have her DC because her life is too important to put in hold because of the risk of the virus. Child has been sent back from nursery because of the cold symptoms. BM rang up my DP and said that he has to come and pick up their child. She can not say home because of this. Her life is too important. Ours obviously not. Btw- BM does't work, but me and my DP are key the workers.
So we have DSC for 14 days until it's safe, so she can have her child back for next selfie session. That seems to be the only reason why she agrees to have her own child (every now and again).

Magda72 Fri 20-Mar-20 14:02:51

She's absolutely right. The incubation is 14 days & children are prime transmitters even though they may have no symptoms. This means the more people they are exposed to the more chance they have of picking it up & passing it on without realising.
I'm in Ireland & my kids have only seen their dad through a window since schools closed yesterday week.
If schools are closing in the UK today then kids of blended family should stay in ONE house for at least 14 days.
The situation in Italy is a direct result of people not taking social distancing & isolating seriously.
The key to managing this virus is to not have everyone sick at the one time thus overburdening the hospitals & slowing it down is only achievable through distancing.
It's really not rocket science & I can't understand how people in general are failing to grasp this!

KylieKoKo Fri 20-Mar-20 16:30:34

It's not up to me but I think DPs children are seeing him as normal. We're both working from home and not going out unless we have to to buy food and they live very close by. We are effectively one big house hold for the duration of this.

HillAreas Fri 20-Mar-20 17:02:10

We are having DSD here as DH and I can work from home and her mum can’t, so normal patterns are out the window.
Ex wasn’t pleased when she was told we wouldn’t be bringing DSD back to go out for lunch on Mother’s Day and collecting her after hmm but DH has put his foot down and said their will be no bobbing about between the houses. She will be here for 2 weeks at least and then see where we are.
Very strange times.

MellowBird85 Fri 20-Mar-20 19:05:23

No, contact with DSC’s is suspended for now. Their DM is fine with this and actually suggested it 2 weeks ago but the seriousness of the situation wasn’t as apparent then. Agree with @Magda72, we all have to do what we can to slow this virus spreading.

Greendayz Fri 20-Mar-20 20:57:06

We're thinking of longer stints in each house to reduce the chopping and changing so cut down the risks.

NorthernSpirit Fri 20-Mar-20 21:14:26

Business as usual here.

No signs in any of us do no need (yet) to stop contact.

Itsnotmeits Fri 20-Mar-20 21:17:55

We aren't having SD until things are back to normal. Her mum isn't happy but it is what it is. These aren't normal circumstances.

aSofaNearYou Fri 20-Mar-20 22:02:38

We are not having SS, which is a decision his mum agrees with. We all need to make sacrifices and stay put in one house unless it's absolutely necessary.

BinkyandBunty Fri 20-Mar-20 22:13:38

I don't think social distancing should extend to depriving children of contact with their immediate family, unless someone is unwell or at risk. We will continue as normal until there's a good reason not to.

Willyoujustbequiet Sat 21-Mar-20 02:41:05

No contact for 12 weeks here as per the guidelines. People really need to think about priorities.

Maxhiggins Sat 21-Mar-20 07:30:12

@binkandbunty of course it should otherwise what's the point of it. Instead of the glass half full approach of depriving them see it as keeping them safe

AngelofTheSilence Sat 21-Mar-20 07:51:23

As it stands my ex is still having the children as normal, every other weekend and possibly more as we’ve discussed him taking them to his for tea occasionally so they have a change of scenery.

I’m now wondering if I’m doing the right thing but the thought of having to stop the children seeing their dad, step mum and baby sister, as well as their whole lives already changing with being off school breaks my heart.

They’re already understandably scared and confused with everything that’s going on, I’m worried what affect adding more change to their routines will have on their mental health sad

AngelofTheSilence Sat 21-Mar-20 07:56:10

Just to add, we’re all well, no underlying health conditions that means we’re at risk and we’ve already agreed to keep the children away from elderly/ unwell relatives and they will be kept mostly inside at both houses with occasional dog walks in quiet areas.

Inapickleortwo Sat 21-Mar-20 08:17:54

We are doing a week each so DSD with mum for a week then with us for a week until this settles. It stops multiple back and forth as we had DSD every morning before school & she can establish a routine still. With us, she'll be homeschooled whilst we work from home and not seeing anyone but us two. Her mum is a key worker as is her boyfriend so I'd imagine DSD will be with her Nan (62) during mums week if needed. We had suggested DSD stay with us thus reducing the risk of anyone passing it between us all and when mums off/her EOW etc DSD to see her but it went down like a lead ballon so this was the compromise.

Inapickleortwo Sat 21-Mar-20 08:28:11

No one knows how long this will all take - some countries have extended their lockdowns. Every child has a right to see their parents and every parent has an equal responsibility in ensuring their child feels safe, an education and reassured. Children have just been told they can't go out with friends, can't go to school, can't go to parties or celebrate their own birthdays with grandparents and people are adding they can't see their other parent.... doesn't matter if they only see the parents a few hours or 50/50, children love their parents and wrong to keep them away if both households are taking precautions. Unless one of us adults in the two homes DSD has displays the symptoms, we will be keeping to what we've agreed as we all know DSD will benefit from seeing all of us. If one of us displays symptoms then DSD we've said we will we go from there and rediscuss .

aSofaNearYou Sat 21-Mar-20 08:32:12

I don't think social distancing should extend to depriving children of contact with their immediate family, unless someone is unwell or at risk. We will continue as normal until there's a good reason not to.

Meanwhile there are people in care homes who aren't sick, and whose relatives aren't sick, who can't see anyone at all. It's thousands of people thinking like this that is allowing this disease to spread. So many people on MN that seem to think the rules should apply to everyone apart from their children.

dollyknocker Sat 21-Mar-20 08:36:24

We are sharing responsibility as we would usually. Both parents are working from home, no other children involved, our children travel between homes in the car.

Baker1985 Sat 21-Mar-20 08:55:57

My ex is 100 miles away he should be coming on Fri to collect ds and up to now still is that could change this week depending on circumstances but aslong as hes picking him up an going straight to his home then I don't see the problem aslong as no one in his household has any symptoms

CalleighDoodle Sat 21-Mar-20 08:57:12

Kids pick up from parents how we respond to this virus and now she's instilled fear about travelling between households. It's so difficult.

She is right. And your phrasing is very telling that you do not respect her.

AngelofTheSilence Sat 21-Mar-20 09:01:36

But unfortunately the people in care homes are mostly in the high risk category.

Neither myself, my partner, my ex and his partner nor any of the children between us are high risk.

If they are only travelling, by car, between the 2 households and practicing strict social distancing measures and stricter hand washing etc than before whilst at both homes surely the child’s needs ( and it is a need not a want) to see both parents, trumps the very slight increase in risk of possibly spreading the disease. It goes without saying that if anyone in either household were to display any symptoms, both households would self isolate for the 14 days we’ve been advised/told to.

I will now be discussing this with my ex as that slight increase never even entered my head before now and as I have previously be doing as much as I thought I could to help minimise my family’s contribution to the spread, I am now worried that I should unfortunately be taking my children away from their father as well as the many other relatives they won’t be seeing in person for god knows how long.

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