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Original poster

Are you still keeping normal contact with DSC?

182 replies

Sunshinedelight1287 · 20/03/2020 12:27

DH ex has decided she doesn't want DSC to come to ours for normal contact due to risks of the virus.

No one has any symptoms in either households.

Kids pick up from parents how we respond to this virus and now she's instilled fear about travelling between households. It's so difficult.

I wondered if anyone else has experienced this?

OP posts:
KylieKoKo · 23/03/2020 10:32

If dp didn't trust his ex to behave in a way that's best for the children he would persue having them live here all the time. But as co-parents they trust each other. I'd hope that was the norm for the sake of the children involved.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 23/03/2020 10:41

Sadly not the norm. My ex was swanning around our city centre for no good reason last week, and then wanted to come and take our daughter out. Erm no. And he can't understand why I don't want her going from house to house every week.

sassbott · 23/03/2020 10:41

Trust is exactly the issues between parents who tenuously co-parent. Do I trust that my exh (who loves our children just as much as I do) is self isolating and only doing essential travel? Yes I do.

And he trusts me resolutely in return. Why? We both trust each other to put everyone’s health first.

My children are continuing to move because there are zero underlying health concerns. We live stones throw apart. And can transfer children without coming into contact with anyone other than the other parent. And even if I’m not standing physically close to my ex, my children are. Both homes are respecting all current advice. That’s that.

If either of us fell into the category of needing to self isolate for 12 weeks the children wouldn’t be changing homes. They would be self isolating. We’re not in that category and as such we’re not.

Which part of that is difficult to understand?

sassbott · 23/03/2020 10:45

Last weekend schools were open and lots of things were still open. Guidance has only just changed. So your ex had every right to ‘swan around’ as you put it. He was breaking no guidelines (unless of course he is in the vulnerable catefory). Is he?

My exh continued to work (commuting daily) up until mid last week. Children have still seen him and they were attending school until last Friday also. So on what basis should the children not see their parent?

CherryTreeTop · 23/03/2020 10:48

we are still moving the kids - also doing one week on one week off. All done by car. Both households working from home and none with vulnerable people in them. As someone else said, effectively we are one big household.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 23/03/2020 10:48

Yes he is in the vulnerable category. And he was talking about getting our daughter a tutor to come to the house after the schools had closed. That's how stupid he is.

aSofaNearYou · 23/03/2020 12:32

posters have said time and time again that all parties are working from home and following government advice.

Multiple people have also said that one or more of the people in the two households is a key worker so is still going to work.

Confusedteacher · 23/03/2020 13:20

We’re carrying on on as normal. Kids are going back and forth between houses. No health problems. I see us all as one household - if one of the kids/other parents gets ill we will all self isolate. Better that than kids not seeing their parents for months.

KylieKoKo · 23/03/2020 13:44

@aSofaNearYou well then they are in a different catagory with different risks. That doesn't mean that any NRP who has seen their children in the past 2 weeks is irresponsible or stupid or thinks the rules don't apply to them.

Songbird232018 · 23/03/2020 13:53

My partner works for nhs so still going to work so right mine we are staying no contact EOW right now as he could be putting them and other household at risk. The ex isnt happy as unfortunately she is treating this as extension of the summer holidays and expecting shared care while off school, I am tempered to suggest we offer more maintence to help cover the higher bills whilst the kids are off but not just if opening this door is worth it, would any RP mums want or accept this in our situation?

northernlass88 · 23/03/2020 13:54

My DD has asthma and so do I. I'm under the impression we should be self isolating so have been since last Wednesday. DD's dad is insisting visits EOW and one week night carry on as normal but I think they should be suspended due to our asthma. There are 6 people in the other household. I've no idea what to do?!

northernlass88 · 23/03/2020 13:57

Songbird just so I understand - you want your children to stay with the RP for the time being because your partner works in the NHS? Sounds very sensible!

namechangenumber2 · 23/03/2020 14:01

It's crap but I don't intend on DS going to his Dads. What's particularly rubbish is he hasn't seen him for 6 weeks already - he goes once a month and his Dad cancelled the last weekend (busy ), so who knows how long it'll be before he goes again.

The last time Ex and I spoke about this he seemed keen to still have the children - DS and his siblings from another relationship. I said I didn't think that's a good idea. He's due to have them this weekend so I'll await that conversation Sad

aSofaNearYou · 23/03/2020 14:08

@KylieKoKo

Yes, but few on this thread have singled out someone that is ensuring they are all staying at home as much as absolutely possible to call them an idiot, it is misleading of you to say that's what people are doing. More than half of the comments on here are saying they are sticking to their usual routine AND there are key workers in the two houses, or the other parent is still going out beyond necessity. Those people, due to their amount of exposure to others, are being highly irresponsible.

I do think that people are still kidding themselves into believing that because they are WFH and not going out much, they won't get it, though. The truth is that every time you go to the supermarket or to walk the dog, which is what most people who say they are being safe are describing, you run the risk of coming into proximity with someone who is incubating and catching it. If you are then moving between two households who will both be shopping and going for walks, you are doubling the risk you pose to yourself and others. Let's not fool ourselves into thinking that that is not the case. I can see why people would think that added risk is small enough in this scenario, though I still maintain that if every blended family in the country thought similarly, they would be significantly adding to the spread. But the people who are still doing that when members of their household are not/can't isolate... I'm sorry but yes, that is idiotic behaviour.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 23/03/2020 14:12

Completely agree @asofanearyou. Once again, lots of people who don't think the rules apply to them.

KylieKoKo · 23/03/2020 14:43

To be honest @aSofaNearYou I think anyone that thinks they won't get it is kidding themselves. Most people will. Dp and I had something with the same symptoms around 4 weeks ago before there was any guidance on what to do.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 23/03/2020 14:53

Right, so as we're all going to get it (apparently) it's fine to spread it far and wide by ignoring all of the advice is it? I'm sorry but this kind of bullshit makes me really angry.

KylieKoKo · 23/03/2020 14:58

No @chocolatesaltyballs22
As we are all going to get it it is important to follow the governments advice to slow it and flattern the curve.

Where did you get that it's fine to spread it far and wide from?

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 23/03/2020 15:06

The whole point is that we are meant to be keeping contact with others to a BARE MINIMUM! Unless of course the rules don't apply to you because you're special.

KylieKoKo · 23/03/2020 15:14

@chocolatesaltyballs22 I think you are seeing things that aren't there in my posts.

northernlass88 · 23/03/2020 15:16

I've just spoken to 111 and despite them confirming to me my DD is classed as vulnerable due to her asthma being bad of late, she should still go to her Dads even though they haven't been practising social distancing 😢

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 23/03/2020 15:19

Wow - I can't believe that @northernlass88. Surely that's your decision though if you don't want to send her? I wouldn't in your circumstances.

My husband is now confined to the house for 12 weeks as he is the high risk category which was classified yesterday. I'm astounded that this doesn't include asthmatics?

northernlass88 · 23/03/2020 15:24

Sorry maybe I worded that badly. They did say they couldn't advise what to do - but although she's classed as vulnerable there's nothing to stop her going to self isolate in another house. My concern is that other members of that household haven't been social distancing!

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 23/03/2020 15:26

OK but my understanding of the guidance for those who are vulnerable is that they stay put in the same place for 12 weeks. So do you really want her with her dad for that long? Like I said, if I were you I would be making a call on what you think is safest.

northernlass88 · 23/03/2020 15:29

No I don't but he's having none of it so there's not a lot I can do really!