Are you still keeping normal contact with DSC?

[Sunshinedelight1287]

DH ex has decided she doesn't want DSC to come to ours for normal contact due to risks of the virus.

No one has any symptoms in either households.

Kids pick up from parents how we respond to this virus and now she's instilled fear about travelling between households. It's so difficult.

I wondered if anyone else has experienced this?

Hi, hope you don't mind me jumping on this thread, looking for some advice (I've name changed as I post regularly on another thread which I don't want linked to) My husband has a child with his ex. His ex is now refusing contact because of the 'lockdown' situation. I know that the official line is that children under 18 can travel between parent's homes, which he has pointed out to her, but she's still insisting that my husband can't see his child until this is all over. There are no health issues in either household, everyone is working from home etc. What can we do?! What would you guys do, 'fight' it or settle for facetime/calls etc for the time being? My husband has had to go back and forth to solicitors multiple times regarding contact already, we really can't afford to do that again. I do appreciate that this is a worrying time for everyone and my husband doesn't want to cause more problems, but he's really upset at the thought of not seeing his child for weeks. Your thoughts or advice would be appreciated.

I'm very happy for you @kyliekoko. I still maintain that as little movement as possible is best.

@misspennylane. If both households are essentially on lockdown. No health issues. What reason is the ex giving for withholding of contact?

I'm tired of reading how the RP feels a child cannot and should not see their other parent (primarily the father on here) and are showing their true colours with using the coronavirus crisis as an excuse. All harping on about social distancing being the reason but hate the fact it's now been stipulated a child has the right to see both parents. Oh and god forbid if us SP comment because you know, we see first hand the upset caused to the our parents AND the SC. We aren't the enemy. We care for our SC, we help provide for our SC. Our SC are not treated any differently just because they 'aren't ours' or we shouldn't be buying/doing/looking after them because it should be dad. Stop playing with children's feelings by sharing your hate for blended families or the other parent being in a child's life. If the fact people are dying isn't a wake up call to RESPECT a child has two parents who they will want and deserve to see I don't know what is.

@sassbott she's simply saying it's 'not safe' and wont engage in any conversation about it. Her response was to tell my husband to take her to court! I've seen some people suggesting that the travel between is reduced e.g. staying longer periods of time in each household, which we'd be happy to do, wouldn't try to reduce maintenance or anything like that.

@misspennylane She's a prime example of using this all as a excuse to stop a child seeing their parent. They are saying reduce number of handovers but NOT reducing contact altogether. I would point out to her that the courts will follow guidelines set by the government which confirm a child can see and travel to their other parent. If multiple travel days in a week becomes her issue then request shared responsibility given the child has two parents who are equally responsible in looking after them by doing either a week each (which you'll find a lot of people are doing country to MN) or 4/3 split. A solicitor might be happy to write the governments guidelines to confirm the stance by letter for you (wouldn't cost a lot as Ive seem a few family solicitors stating they have Been asked this a lot overnight so have a few templates)

@Inapickleortow Tt's the latest in a long line of her not complying with the contact order hence why my husband has had to go to back and forth to a solicitor. I'll suggest the letter to him, but she's previously ignored multiple solicitor letters so I'm not hopeful. It's just so frustrating as surely it would be good for their child to get a break from being in the same house all the time, we could share the load of helping with their school work, keeping them occupied with activities at home etc.
It must be tough for parents right now who have kids at home all the time, especially if they are also trying to work from home.

I still maintain that as little movement as possible is best.

Agreed @chocolatesaltyballs22, and we will still be sticking to our arrangement for what it's worth. We will not look back and live with the fact that someone got it and died because we weren't willing to make the personal sacrifice of stripping our movements back to the actual minimum. Every person that does that will help stop the spread that bit more.

I’m sorry to hear that pennylane. Unfortunately it’s a prime example of a RP abusing their position to do what they want. Knowing full well that family courts and surrounding services will be overwhelmed (as a result of key staff going into self isolation and off sick) and that there will no doubt be a huge spike of contact breaches. Also knowing that right now police will not care one jot about family court orders.

Unfortunately these are unprecedented times and I’m not entirely sure what the family courts will (or won’t do) re these matters.

What I will say is that the courts are still operational and working, they are too vital to not be. Everything has moved to telephone hearings. If your DH wishes to enforce, he can do so and self represent. The only costs he will incur are the costs of the application. He doesn’t need a solicitor. The problem is just how long the application will take to be heard. And again, if she knows the system, she will know that too.

I wouldn’t waste money on it. Or send a solicitors letter, she won’t care one iota. I would send an email linking the revised guidelines from the gov and the guidelines issued by cafcass. I would highlight that your household is effectively on lockdown-essential travel only. That there are absolutely no underlying health conditions.
And that you are prepared to minimise number of handovers and have DC for a longer period of time.

Emphasis the need for reason and coming to a mutual compromise. See what she says.

And for those sticking to their guns with no just cause / valid reasoning other than they think they know better?

I hope your exes apply for enforcement orders ASAP. Your hatred of your exes overrides the love you have for your own children. This virus is the perfect breeding ground to allow you to do something you’ve always wanted to do. Withhold contact. Shame on you.

@sassbott Eh? I am sticking to my guns, as is my step son's mum, we are all in agreement. Believe it or not there are actually multiple people in the country who think minimising all movement is essential.

As for no just cause/ valid reason - since when has everybody been so utterly convinced, without any room for critical thinking, that what the government guidelines say is 100% correct? When someone posts that their ex only pays them £7 a month in maintenance, does everyone say "well that must be what your child costs because it's the guidelines?" No.

Internationally, our government's measures have been regarded as not strict enough on this matter, that is well documented. I have looked with my eyes and seen what's happened overseas, and come to the conclusion that strict isolation and lockdown rules are the best way to save lives and stop this virus from getting out of control. I will not do anything that effectively doubles my chance of catching/spreading it unless there are lives at stake if I don't. That is not "no valid reason", and I'm not going to be lectured on morality by people who think their children's routines are more important than saving lives right now.

Yep, also sticking to my guns. Husband is in the 1.5 million who has had a text to say he is vulnerable. Exes are in agreement. But 'shame on me', eh?

@chocolatesaltyballs22 the shame on you is because you called anyone considering isolating with their exes mental. It was pretty uncalled-for

Genuine question. If your husband is at risk shouldn't the kids be with you ex rather than you to minimise risk?

Sorry but I still stand by that.

His kids are with their mum as RP. Mine are with us as RP. No movement, no going out = minimal risk. Plus my daughter can't spend more than one night with her dad without wanting to kill him.

thanks for the suggestions @sassbott my husband has put all that in message, sent the a link etc, but she's still simply saying it's a no go. So frustrating, think we'll just have to ride this one out and maintain contact as best we can over facetime. Hopefully, for everyone's sake, this situation is over as soon as possible and all our lives can go back to 'normal'.

What if children DO have underlying conditions though? Then what?

What if children DO have underlying conditions though? Then what?

If both homes are self isolating and the child is travelling in a private car to the other parent, I don't see the additional risk.

If one parent is a key worker and is unable to self isolate, then the common sense approach would be for the child to stay with the parent, who is not a key worker or is unable to self isolate for some other reason.

I do think this is the perfect excuse for difficult RPs to withhold contact though.

the shame on you is because you called anyone considering isolating with their exes mental. It was pretty uncalled-for

Agreed. And had my comment saying similar deleted last night.

I'm struggling to allow my 2SD into my home where they could be spreading Coronavirus. I know that their mum has allowed them to be with other children and not isolated, for my partner he has given me the choice of them keeping arranged contact Tuesday afternoon - Sunday afternoon or we break up.
I don't know what's best for all around. I understand he wants to see his daughters but I'm worried as they have been with friends, and family. And generally out and about.....
Anyone have any ideas on what they would suggest

@ang87 I would say that if he's willing to break up with you over this one matter than he deserves breaking up with.

@aSofaNearYou I feel the same, I feel like he's not bothered about me or the boys and the risk of us catching it, even though I've isolated and I'm taking steps to avoid going anywhere if it's not necessary! Even though he knows the girls have been out, and visiting friends and family. 💔

@ang87 that's really rubbish for you, I'm sorry that your partner is not supportive at this time. He does sound like a dick.

@chocolatesaltyballs22 it's a sucky time, I wouldn't feel so anxious if I knew that the mum was as cautious as us!! I'm worried about my step dad and partners nan, even the BM great nan. As I would hate if anyone we all knew/care about got infected!! As a result of people being incapable of staying in and away from people 😫

@ang87 I think any trips out, people into the home or anything like this really should be a group decision at the moment, since it adds risk for all of you. In a partnership we should be understanding of each others worries, it doesn't bode well that he's jumping straight to "I will leave you".

@ang87 I’d seriously think about calling his bluff. If he doesn’t care about your and your children’s health, why should you care if he leave you anyway?