Are you still keeping normal contact with DSC?

[Sunshinedelight1287]

DH ex has decided she doesn't want DSC to come to ours for normal contact due to risks of the virus.

No one has any symptoms in either households.

Kids pick up from parents how we respond to this virus and now she's instilled fear about travelling between households. It's so difficult.

I wondered if anyone else has experienced this?

Did you seriously clog up a 111 operator with an issue over child contact issues? Are you absolutely kidding me right now?

How on EARTH did you think this was a valid use of a 1st line medical response operator? A resource that is massively already under great strain? 111 operators (any more than police) will not get involved in civil matters related to child contact.

My mind is blown.

This is the only guidance issued so far.
www.cafcass.gov.uk/grown-ups/parents-and-carers/covid-19-guidance-for-children-and-families/

Sassbott yes I did - with a legitimate concern over my child's asthma!

sassbott your shock and outrage about someone clogging up the 111 service by one phone call does not seem in line with your lack of concern about switching between houses unnecessarily leading to even more strain on the health service across thousands of households.

@aSofaNearYou the guidelines say to maintain parental contact. Why do you think the rules don't apply to you

the guidelines say to maintain parental contact. Why do you think the rules don't apply to you

Oh for christ's sake must we keep going in circles. Because I am capable of looking internationally at what is well documented as a global crisis with lessons to be learnt from the experiences of other countries, and seeing that our guidelines are much softer than a majority of other countries at this stage in the virus, rather than just parroting "well our country's guidelines say..."

It is incredibly obtuse, with all the media attention around it, to fail to address the fact that our guidelines are already being widely criticised for not being stringent enough, and even the person enforcing them has been forced to say that people are not doing enough and they will have to put in stricter measures. Our guidelines are not protecting us at present.

It is also entirely moot to say "guidelines say to maintain parental contact" when the guidelines also say not to be "going about as usual" as many on here have mentioned one or more of the people in the two households doing, so you are already going against guidelines if that is happening. If you are then also carrying on with the usual contact agreement, you are making your failure to follow guidelines worse and more of a risk to others. You don't need guidelines to figure that out, just use your common sense.

We are self isolating and ex is fine at the moment but if he’s not allowed to see them after 2 weeks he won’t be happy. It does increase the number of people your child is in contact with and then ultimately you as they move about which is adding to the problem. If they are with me, they are in the house now and I will only have to do one half day a week at school (part time teacher). That and any contact I have at the supermarkets or pharmacy. If they shift to the ex as well then it’s contact with whoever ex has had contact with as well. We have a high risk child and we are 50, not 30. I am toying with asking him to move in until it’s over!

OMG all these exes who will not be happy, TOUGH SHIT! They'll just have to suck it up. We all have things we're not happy about right now but it's for the greater good.

And all of you who are toying with the idea of letting the ex move back in - are you mental? You want to end up in lockdown with someone you hated so much that you divorced them?

Just grow a pair and stand up to them. My ex ain't happy either. Do you know how many shits I give about that?

@chocolatesaltyballs22 you are very aggressive. People speaking about moving back in are considering that because they want to do what's best for their children. Not everyone hates their ex. Your ex might well take you to court if you refuse to discuss any alternatives to him not seeing your children.

The cafcass guidance says until government makes changes re going outside. Lock down will likely trump cafcass

Will forgive me for being a bit angry but my husband has just had the text for those at risk and he can't leave the house for 12 weeks, not even go into the garden, and he can't come within 2 metres even of me. He could die if he gets this virus. But y'know, just you carry on as you were.

My daughter is 16 and old enough to decide where she lives - the court would laugh him out the door.

And there you go ladies - Boris has spoken.

Boris has spoken yet I'm still getting abusive texts from DD's dad about how unreasonable i am to keep asthmatic DD at home and it's my own selfish insecurities to blame and I'm destroying DD's mental health. I must point out he lives 70 miles away as well - surely Boris made it clear we're barely allowed to walk down the street once a day for daily exercise!

Block and ignore, would be my suggestion.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/full-guidance-on-staying-at-home-and-away-from-others/full-guidance-on-staying-at-home-and-away-from-others

Footnote 1: under 18s are allowed to travel between their parents homes

So after Boris “lockdown”, what does everyone think? I live 10mins from ex and he is hassling me to see DS. But we have been self isolating for 8 days now and I feel it’s stupid for them to go to his house!
I am pregnant and worry about the risk of them bringing the virus back from his house! Does Boris speech give me a little more ground to tell him no?!

I honestly do not understand why people are so nasty!

There is an amendment saying movement between homes for under 18s is fine because someone out there has sense to understand if it is SAFE for all involved it is fine. If we had a vulnerable person 12 weeks is the expected time frame and a decision has to be made to protect them. That is the law. The person who has to be in isolation for 12 weeks needs to think of their health and discuss what that looks like. That is 1.5 million out of 69. The rest are protecting them. Now if we are not bumping into anyone because we are following the rules then children having some resemblance of normality and seeing both parents shouldn't put a stress on the NHS.

We are all inside. What difference is it if SC are between two homes when they are coming into no contact but their parents?

People are so bloody agressive and the world is making me incredibly sad. I sat and cried with relief today that my husband can see his daughter and I can see my step children because they are part of our family and even though his ex is now getting arsey coz her plan in her head changed though she acknowledged the government are in agreeance of the fact children sometimes have two homes. A lot of sleep was lost last night worrying about this.

Can people just chill the hell out and stop bringing your personal anxiety on here when we all have our own. I do not understand why people hate on the 'other' family. My ex was split for years before he met someone which happened to be me. We are not the devil we are people.

Women do not own the children. They are shared people we made. My ex has just as much right to his daughter as I have. People need to start understanding that children are not possessions. I grew up in a single parent household and I wouldn't wish an absent father on any child. The damage it can cause is unreal. If you have a loving and willing father accept he wants to be involved. 2 loving parents is better than one controlling mother who tries to dictate who can and cannot see her child and when. People seriously need to get a grip.

Michael Gove has been clear eventually. Moving under 18s between parents is allowed.

Obviously if a child is at risk due to an underlying condition, then I would expect both parents act in the child's best interest.

Yup. Very clear. Crystal clear in fact.
Let both parents see their joint children. It’s what the children need and they won’t have inserted that overnight if they didn’t think it important.

The rules around isolation are super clear. Other than that, within this lockdown, children can move between households. Am super happy about that, so are my children and so is my exh.

How my Dp’s EXW feels this morning is an entirely different matter. I have no hesitation that last night would have been a celebratory affair. And with a new day dawns new hope.

(I should add. A celebratory affair similar to the one no doubt that some of you on here were having.)

Hideous behaviour. You do realise that the impact to children of not seeing one of their parents (without really good health reasons) is immense. My Dc were very upset at the prospect of not being able to see their dad for 3 weeks and I don’t blame them one jot.

We are all doing minimal essential outings only. Proper hygiene. Movement is in a car direct to another’s house without any risk of infecting anyone else. Both houses will adhere to isolation rules if anyone gets symptoms. This isn’t difficult. And for those banging on yesterday that my actions of my children seeing their father were not ‘essential’.

I rest my case. It is.

I left this thread due to some of aggressive ‘I know better than you/official guidance’ posters. Just came back to say I’m glad the U.K. has made the position clear. For those of you with specific health situations to consider that make child movement between homes unadvisable I wish you well for finding a way through with minimum tension for all involved.

As above poster I can imagine my DSC’s mother was jumping with joy over the fact she could legally withhold contact.

Thank goodness this has now been clarified - The government, cafcass and the legal community are now crystal clear on this.

Children under 18 are able to move between homes - not up to you to interpret.

www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/breaking-coronavirus-children-separated-parents-21743291

Looks like Boris has spoken @chocolatesaltyballs22 - children under 18 are able to move between homes.

To clarify, I am not a bitter ex "hating on a the other family". I am partner to a NRP - so it's my partner not seeing his son during this time. I don't for a million years think the mother "owns" the child, I just think both parents should be being responsible, so if one is and the other isn't, the one that is needs to push harder, whether it's the RP or NRP.

Yes, for now the Gov seem to have maintained their current stance on this, though Gove's language and reiteration that children should be moving between households "as little as possible" still says to me that people should be looking at longer periods at both if they are still chopping and changing, so there is a greater chance anyone that has it will have started to show symptoms before taking it back to the other house and spreading it there too. That is for the sensible people who have already been minimising their contact to near lockdown measures.

As to those keeping their contact arrangement when someone in the two households is still necessarily or unnecessarily not staying at home... I'm sorry but no amount of MN self righteousness will convince me that is right. It isn't, simple maths will show you how much it adds to the risk to others. Hopefully the measures put in last night will help put a stop to that, thus making this issue (and many others that have sprung up on MN in the last few days) far less of a problem.