The Happy Singleton - All welcome!

[SirChing]

Hello, following a thread where I discussed how happy and excited I was to have consciously decided to be single for 2020, it seems there are loads of us out there: People who are single through choice and happy about it.

Some plan on being single forever, some for a shorter time, but none of us are dating or want to date at the moment. We are too busy focusing on the important things in life: us!

This is a thread for anyone who wants to join it, to support and encourage each other, to discuss what we have or hope to learn by being single, and to discuss random practical stuff, like which companies don't charge single supplements for holidays.

Come on in and pull up a chair if you fancy a chat.

Happy 2020 all

@sirching suburban Surrey!

Dog activity this morning and then gym this afternoon. Visiting relatives sunday. Had yesterday off so did good shop encouraged then.
Excitingly news 're the house moves. Hope all go smoothly.

@mildlymiffed yay! So happy for you!

DS woke me up about 10 minutes ago. I was hoping for a bit of a lie in today as I let him stay up until 9pm last night but no luck. Taking him to the park in a bit to blow off some steam.

@Waxonwaxoff0 I’m reading the latest Phillip Pullman book :), I recommend the whole northern lights series.

I’m in the south :)

Joining in! 4 years in to being happily single and can't imagine ever changing. (The relationships board on MN constantly reminds me how lucky I am).

Quick comment to a couple of people up thread about mortgages: pay every moon I. E. 28 days, (rather than the same date every month) which gives you an extra month a year payments. It doesn't half make a huge difference in getting the mortgage and interest down, and it doesn't hurt much financially because it is spread out over the year.

Where's my normal username gone?! Must sort that out...

Just to say I also am hopefully getting the keys for my new place (rented) on Monday. It's s my dream place and I absolutely can't wait to move from the shit hole I'm in.... Which is why I'm lying snuggled in a warm bed, with my cats, and tea reading MN and not packing , except in my head!

This is the only problem with being single - all this crap I need to pack is MINE!!

Decluttering has to happen and I'm a semi-hoarder so could really do with somebody brutal here to go "BIN IT, you stupid woman!!"

@user1486723488 I would love to be your critical friend but I am no better. As I'm living in a vacant family property currently and moving about 10 minutes away, there is little urgency! So I haven't done a huge amount of sorting.

But cheers to new places, and new beginnings- and for me at least- a nice long man-ban whilst I get my head together!

I absolutely love reading this thread.

Question for you happy singletons, though: do you have a very busy social life? I don’t, and I’m very newly single. So the thought of weekends stretching out in front of me does make me a little anxious.

Hi Everyone

Can I join too? Zaphod I'm the same age as you and what you have posted sounds very similar. I'm 2 years out of a 32 year marriage and I now have my own house. I'm still in bed with my two cats and a big cup of coffee. I work very hard and very long hours and this is just heaven for me. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do today My bedroom is gorgeous - the one I've always wanted, with fairylights round the bed and lamps and beautiful bed linen that only ever smells of my perfume … heaven. I spent so many years fitting myself around a selfish narcissistic man and his mother - trying to please everyone and being squashed into the little woman. I managed to help buy my house with money from my lovely mum (when she died) - thanks Mum xxx She would be so happy for me. I go on dates now and then but I'm not that bothered really and have loads of great friends and can go out if I want. I don't know about any of you, but I see friends in long marriages trying so hard to get any kind of affection or attention from their other halves and shudder a little bit. I was that person not that long ago. I am very close to my beautiful daughter and she visits me often and it's like girly paradise here, just the two of us.

Some things I love about my new life :-

Going shopping and buying stuff that I like to eat.
Not having to cook when I come in from work and just having toast if I want.
If I wake up in the night I can read my kindle and make myself a cup of tea without being told off for disturbing someone.
Being able to have the window open at night.
Watching whatever I like on TV - I've got Netflix now which is brilliant (wasn't allowed before)
Going to bed as early or late as I want
No more skiddy underpants to wash or washing to pick up off the floor (a foot from the washing bin)
No more drunken rants and house smelling like an ashtray
….
There are more, but I don't want to get too boring.

Love to all of you that discover that you can be happier on your own than you ever thought possible

@TheStoic I don't have a massive social life. I'm not part of any groups. About 5 friends / families that we see every so often. DC at exh this weekend so I've stayed in bed, some some washing and spent the last hour in the bath. Might go for a walk later.

Much as I wanted my marriage to end, it did cause me the anxiety you speak of at the beginning. But you learn how to fill your time with what makes you happy and after a while you can't imagine it any other way.

do you have a very busy social life?

Definitely not, in fact quite the opposite but that’s what suits me.

26 and been single for nearly a year! Happily single but glad to have had some relationship experiences or I might feel I’ve missed out? Anyway, I love being able to do what I want and when I want. My life is dictated by me only. Tinder is full of horrors either desperate or on the rebound. Never again!

@thestoic yes. I do have quite a busy social life, but that was self generated after me and dh split. I suggested dinners: with friends, old colleagues etc. Usually at mine as I'm permanently trying to save money! But I also downloaded the Meetup app and when I was on my own without DS I'd go for group walks. Generally I was the youngest there, but it was great chatting with people. I'm not amazing in my own company.

I also set up a cinema club and book group at work. Cinema club was great as there is a fab local cinema near the office, and if anyone wanted to go and see a film they posted and someone else was always keen. I've moved jobs now, but may do the same here! I did get braver and have been to theatre and cinema now solo.

Sitting room piled high already with ready to go boxes. Huge pile of stuff to load in car for the tip. Turns out I can go... "Yep, bin!!" The motivation being I have to load and unload this alone so I am getting more ruthless as the day goes on!!

Social life... When it suits me but I have got a bit hermitty. Mainly because I've learnt to enjoy my ( cats') company and the Internet means I can catch up with friends all around the world at all hours. I don't watch any TV (over 3 years now) because there are always other things to do like potter around the garden, read a book, plan trips away, chat with friends online, do courses online, get creative (occasionally), or just. Do. Nothing. At. All. Which is bliss. I've got very good at staring into space, and sleeping .

@mildlymiffed I've got just over 2 weeks to move /be out, but I know me. At some point I'll get lost in something I've found whilst sorting, and lose a day!!! New beginnings... Soon we will all be raising a glass of something in our new places and cheering each other on in new ventures. I can't wait!!

Afternoon fellow singlets!

All the house moving stuff is so exciting. I am really happy for you all.

I have a crap social life. I have fibromyalgia so often can't get out. People do stop inviting when I have to let them down so much. BUT I am joining a local choir a week on Wednesday which looks lots of fun, and will be trying out my local WI which looks loads of fun too.

Aside from that, I can always join meet up, but I am really happy in my own company by and large, and find it draining to be around people too often. I tend to spend time with my family or on my own. And I adore having the house to myself. Bliss!

I do have quite an active social life but that's through choice as I'm quite extrovert. I'm not doing much this weekend though as DS is tired from his first week back at school after Christmas. Currently sat at the park freezing while he plays!

Looking forward to going home, cooking dinner and having a glass of wine in front of the telly.

Anyone else really enjoy those little things? Just thinking about what I'd like to watch later on the telly and knowing that it's all my decision and I don't have to watch something I don't like.

My ex and I had vastly different music tastes and I used to hate having to listen to his crap!

@Waxonwaxoff0 Oh yes, it's the small things like that which are fabulous. I love being able to do what I want without compromise. And laying diagonally in bed 😂

May I join? I’m single about 5 years.

I’m 52, married 12 years, then another relationship on & off for 12 years. Few others in between. Child free.

My only regret is that I spent so much of my life trying to do the ‘right’ & ‘fair’ thing’ with regards to men. They didn’t have didn’t bother their arse about me.

I’m financially solvent, own house. Decent job, good friends. I’m so much happier in my own. Right now in my pjs on the sofa after a busy day. Couldn’t be happier.

SirChing

ME/CFS here, so fibromalgia bit similar. We usually need lots of rest to enjoy even a few things in life. The choir sounds good! I'm trying to think of a couple of things for 2020 that are enjoyable and get me out of the house a bit anyway.

But so far, I mostly enjoy my own company, and find too much of other people tiring.

I have a couple of teens such hard work in my case, but really can't wait for them to leave home .

Today I've been to yoga then had my hair done. This afternoon I went out for a dog walk. I've spent the evening sat in my pjs watching crap TV. It's been a busy week, so I'm going to bed soon to read.

Thanks to those who answered my question. I sense that this is the very beginning of a tough time for me, so I really, really needed to read this right now. 🙏

Looking on with admiration. Recently separated after 26 years so I can’t say that I’m used to the single life. It is scary at present. You are giving me hope that there is enjoyment to be had as a singleton. Thank you.

@BlueSeaPlease my local community centre runs groups during the day. Which is good as I can go when DD is at school. I know what you are saying re the kids leaving home. Mine is with me Sunday afternoon through to Friday morning, so I do before and after school, and she is with my ex at the weekends. Which works well as I get lots of rest time then. It's getting easier as she gets older, luckily, and my mum is round thr corner and does school runs etc if I can't.

@TheStoic - is it anything we can help with at all? We might not be able to help practically but can be your own group of cheerleaders through your tough time. I hope it gets easier for you......and at least you dont have a crappy relationship draining all your energies on too of it!

@SuperbMonkey Wow, 26 years........you should have just killed him at the start, at least prison would have been peaceful and you would have been out before 26 years

Breakups always suck. They hurt and its hard to get your head around at first. But when you stop feeling dreadful, which you will do much faster than you think, then it's like the world opens up to you again. It is so freeing!

Someone said to me when my marriage ended, that if I enjoyed living alone as much as she thought I would, then I would never want to live with anyone else ever again. At the time, I disagreed. Because I had never lived alone before. Now, I can honestly say she was right. It's wonderful.

It would take an incredibly special man to make me want to give up my freedom. And most of them just aren't that special!

You will be fine. Come and chat on here when you feel sad.