The Happy Singleton - All welcome!

[SirChing]

Hello, following a thread where I discussed how happy and excited I was to have consciously decided to be single for 2020, it seems there are loads of us out there: People who are single through choice and happy about it.

Some plan on being single forever, some for a shorter time, but none of us are dating or want to date at the moment. We are too busy focusing on the important things in life: us!

This is a thread for anyone who wants to join it, to support and encourage each other, to discuss what we have or hope to learn by being single, and to discuss random practical stuff, like which companies don't charge single supplements for holidays.

Come on in and pull up a chair if you fancy a chat.

Happy 2020 all

Hi all, another happy singleton here! i'm done with dating and relationships. I've been single all in all for about 10 years and had a couple of very short term 'relationships' if you can call a few dates that. I've not been on a date in two years and have given up OLD as it seems to be full of married, emotionally unavailable or sociopathic men. I live with my teenage son and i'm 45

I'm definitely happier without the drama, stress and hassle of dating someone. I don't have to shave my legs all the time for some bloke, or worry that my underwear isn't sexy enough, or if i'm too fat etc, the list goes on. Sick of the double standards men have too - the last one moaned when I had a fringe cut into my hair and made jibes about what I was wearing, yet he was the one with poor standards, never cut his pubes or toenails and after I found skid marks on a pair of boxers he left in the bed, that was the final straw for me. Men's expectations are huge but they put no effort in themselves!

I'd also like to chip in with my opinions on the financial aspect of being single - I would actually be worse off if a bloke moved into my house unless he earned 40k or more. I'd lose my tax credits, single person discounts and dating is also expensive - weekends away here and there, lunches, buying underwear to please them, not to mention the cost of a babysitter! I've decided that I am financially and emotionally much better off on my own with my son and cat.

No sexual demands to put up with, creepy hands in the bed when you don't want them, no farts under the duvet, and general messiness in my house. It's a no brainer for me!

I'm a single (37, guy). Things I love about being single:-

1. You can do what you want, when you want etc. without someone telling you otherwise.
2. No pressure for sex/intimacy. You can do these when you feel like it.
3. Financial independence.
4. Own space to follow your own hobbies/passions etc.
5. No arguments/controlling.
6. Own bed and bedroom!
7. You can do things your way without being told you are doing them wrong.

Not saying relationships are always bad (though most are), but there are definitely advantages to about being single.

@mildlymiffed thank you! I'm so excited, I never thought I'd be able to buy my own house. Luckily I live in a very cheap area, I can get a nice 2 bed house for £100k. Perfect for me and DS.

Congratulations on your new home! Let us know how the move goes.

@Zaphodsotherhead - noooo not Tom Hiddleston! I have just mentionned on another thread that he looks like he weeps after he orgasms

@Tafelberg Blimey, you have had a rough time. Glad you have decided to step back from the OLD scene if that is the kind of loser that is on there. Why would he think you would be ok with his not so zipped baggage? The loon! You definitely deserve some time out for you.

@SilverySurfer Is that cake chocolate? My online delivery arrived earlier bringing coffee cake by accident instead of chocolate cake. I was gutted. I know no-one who likes coffee cake. Carrot or lemon drizzle would have been fine. But coffee? WTF?

Welcome @viix and @comingintomyown

@thesuninsagittarius You sound totally kick ass! Can you spread some of that around if any of us have a wobble please? It seems already that the self esteem of single women is so much higher than that of coupled up ones. And you all seem so much happier.

@Purplecatshopaholic I am glad you got out of that marriage. It sounds so traumatic. Hope 2020 is much happier for you

@Waxonwaxoff0 and @mildlymiffed Glad you made it over! Lovely to see you here

@wobblywinelover I do agree with your stance, especially financial. I would be much worse off if I had a bloke here unless he earned a similar amount to the figure you mentioned. I miss someone putting the bins out and I miss great sex, but I only had that for a short while following my divorce anyway

@MattGuy23 Welcome! It's really interesting to see the difference between what annoyed you about relationships and what annoys women. Your ex sounds very controlling and as though she wasn't happy for you to be your own person, which is horrible! Hope you too have a fab, single 2020

Thanks @SirChing

Does anyone else feel a bit pressured; like you should be settling down and/or having kids though? I’m 30 this year and I almost feel as if the pressures been turned on from family/work colleagues/friends! Almost like I’m due to expire soon

@viix

I have a child so not in that sense but I definitely feel societal pressure to find a partner! Constantly being asked at work if I'm seeing anyone and I might meet "Mr Right" soon. I feel like nobody believes me when I say I'm happily single and not looking for Mr Right!

@viiix if my dad says to me again "that you're not getting any younger" I might scream! I'm 38....! And I don't want anymore kids so not sure why it matters...

It's societal expectations. In the book I'm reading it talks of Disney princess syndrome. That every woman is perceived to need rescuing! (From personal experience we seem to do most of the rescuing 🤨🙄!!)

Perfect thread. Two DC, divorced for 8 years. Dated, one night stands but generally couldn't be arsed. Met someone last year and had a delightful summer with him, then ended it when I realised I might have to live with him.

I don't want to share my bed or my wardrobe. This man was maybe even tidier than me, but when his stuff was in my home, I hated it. It didn't belong in my pretty bedroom. I want to go to bed when I want to, have hours in the bath when I want to, eat cereal for tea if I want to.

I've also got my own business. I've worked hard. It's my money to enjoy when I'm doing well and my responsibility if it goes wrong.

And I do all the DIY. Yes yes to PP comments about misogynistic twats. "Oh your husband will be busy later" when buying paint. "Ask your husband to take the door off and we'll come back later" delivery too large to fit through internal doors. "Do you need to speak to your husband first" when employing tradesmen.

No I don't. I do everything myself and it's just perfect.

@Waxonwaxoff0 and @mildlymiffed
I’m with you on both counts!
My work colleagues are the same - they can’t possibly believe I’m happy on my own. One of them has promised she will help find me a husband before I turn 30 ha ha
And also get the you’re not getting any younger comments - charming

Hadn’t heard of Disney princess syndrome... that makes sense though!

@originalcatlady I'll be tapping you up for advice soon. I've never done any DIY and with new house on the way (Victorian) there will be work to be done! It's not that stbexh was great at it, but he had the cash to splash on handypeople! I'm hoping that YouTube will be my friend!!

@mildlymiffed I bought the house originally with exh but he never lifted a finger. I have singlehandedly renovated a 3 bedroom house. I bought him out and it's all my very own now. I've since continued to renovate and also had people in to do a loft conversion and garden. Can't imagine sharing it now!

(Whispers... j have pretty new bedding with ladybirds on it, my ex wouldn't have approved 🤭🤭🤭)

Can I join? Single for 2.5 years now, live with dd and cat. I tried OLD over the summer by just seemed to match up with liars or emotionally unavailables and have only recently worked out that life is much simpler without a man in it! Financially it sucks but other than that, I couldn’t be happier.

Things I don’t miss

Having tea lights and candles going and someone walking in and switching on the lights
Being asked “What’s for dinner”
Listening to a running commentary on the short comings of every other driver on the road
Listening to the minutiae of his day and then having six seconds attention span when it comes to mine
Wondering just how falling down drunk, repetitive and annoying he will be when he gets home
Being sent to Siberia should I ever snap about the above

Of course there are plenty of guys who don’t behave in this way but mine did and the previous one I lived with was a lot worse

SirChing silly question, of course it's chocolate; is there any other kind?

Interested to read your post *MattGuy23. Sounds like you've got it sorted unlike a lot of men.

Hello, can I join please?

I'm 44, been happily single for the last 2 years. I live my DS (20 and 18 - 20 year old away at uni) and my dog.

I can honestly say I'm happy to remain single for the rest of my life, there really isn't anything I miss about having a relationship. I've got a full-on job, and I like to spend my time doing exactly what I want, without having to compromise or fit in with anyone else.

I go to yoga, the gym, meet up with friends for coffee, go swimming, go to the cinema, but I'm just as happy being at home and just doing my own thing.

I like having the freedom to go to bed as early, or as late, as I want without disturbing anyone else. I love having my bed to myself and not having to share it with a hairy, sweaty, snoring male.

There are so many things I like about being single, I could be here all day listing them!

@SirChing your Tom Hiddlestone comment cracked me up...he really does

And yeah, if I needed any more signs that being single is the way forward for me right now, that was definitely it. Couldn’t believe it, especially after all the lies my ex told me (and told the girl he started seeing within days of us breaking up about me ). I would give OLD another go down the line but for now you’ll find me making the most of all my lovely stress- and drama-free me-time.

Another one joining the club :)

My story is this: I came out of a 20 odd years marriage about 4 years ago. Abusive and total headfuck, but I got my own place, really loving life, as in: for the first time in my life so was happy.
Then I met a guy who was very sweet, total opposite to my exH, I had no intention of finding someone.
I also knew that years of abuse hardened me beyond imagination, so all I wanted was to take it one day at a time and really enjoy life. I showed vulnerability for the first time in my adult life, I jumped at experiences and chances and ignored any red flags thinking nobody is perfect, we’ll grow together, me and him.
3 years down the line I left him. We had a lot of fun, lots of amazing days together, our own rituals, he is incredibly similar to me.
However. I am not an addict, I am not selfish and I have empathy. He doesn’t. And he has swapped one addiction for another for most of his life. And I was increasingly obsessed with him and his well being. It was devastating for a lot of people, our break up, but they all came out of the woods at the end to say: we’ve been there, we tried, we all let him go.
We never spoke about me kicking him out. He never asked why, he never said sorry to lose what we had, although we have/had plenty of opportunities.

So, here I am.
A bit lost, if I am honest, not really sure who I am anymore.
2020 is a year in which I plan to look after myself, my mental, physical and spiritual well being.
I’ve joined a gym and I go pretty much every day. I am enjoying the exercise, meeting new people and I stopped comfort eating, I don’t need it anymore.

I meditate twice a day, I practice mindfulness.

I read a lot.

I got a dog who follows me everywhere and snuggles up with me every time I sit down.

I spend more time with DD, we talk a lot more.

I see my friends more often.

I am more focused on my career.

I have more financial control.

I eat better.

I’m not saying I want to stay single forever, I’m not saying I’ve gone off men completely. But this year it’s all about me. :)

Hi

I m recently single and there's a saying women are happier single and men are happier married. I think it depends on your experiences. If you have had bad experiences then you d prefer to be single more. Friends of mine who are not happy single crave the good relationships that they have had. I personally find it all a bit tedious and as others say having to make the effort. It's easier to just please yourself, although being in love is also a great feeling .

How do you all do it ? I wish I could join in your joy but I can't because I hate it although I know I can't change it and it's too late now anyway.Because in my culture being single means you are not good enough not to mention if you have a dc in tow you lose your value and it's nothing to be proud of .

Anyway I am here to cheer for you all

@VioletCharlotte
sweaty snoring male 😂😂😂

I agree that being in love is a great feeling. But in reality, how long does it really last? You grow to be fond of them, but once that first rush of love/lust fades, the annoyances get more annoying and the arguments can be fierce.

I would love to spend my entire life in that 'deeply in love' state. I thought I had it with my last DH, I was ecstatic almost every day. Loved him so much, I thought I was blessed. He, unfortunately, didn't see it the same way, was bored and went off looking for new adventures.

So, my life alone is even, Nice and steady and gentle, no high highs, but then I don't have to suffer those low lows either. I'll take this version, thank you.

Hello everyone

I've been single since May 2018 after a long and, at the end, very destructive relationship.

I've got my own place and I'm enjoying a measure of freedom, but I'm also a mum to two very young boys and I am forty two so I don't have time to find Mr Right!

I did a bit of OLD at first and had a FWB for a few months but he was very demanding, always texting, and not offering much in return. I got the ick factor after a while and bombed him off!

I find it hard to imagine a life without a man in it, I was in continuous LTRs from sixteen to forty one! But my situation is such that I have to be realistic and I know I don't want to give up my rights over my home and my space again over a man. Plus my boys are very young and even though their dad has them 40% of the time, they still need me. I don't have much excuse for putting myself first at my age and after leaving it so late.

It's a new life, it's scary, but the thrill of being independent, owning my own home, working and being a mum is very rewarding. I'm the heroine of my own novel now

Excellent thread !!
Not having to pick up some guy's dirty underpants from the floor, burping, farting, toilet seat up, snoring, taking the quilt/space, don't have to worry about that female 'friend' from work, will he cheat on me, will he go off me, will he abuse me, will he he meet someone else.
What you want, when you want (taking children into account).
Go out and talk and flirt to anyone you like, nobody to answer to.
Not having to be 'on' and pressured into sex when you don't feel like it.
Your money is yours.
I could go on all day 🥂

Can I join? Seven years single, following a 13 year marriage to a serial adulterer. In those seven years, I have moved to an area that I love, bought a small but amazing house for myself, my 10 year old DD and our cats and managed to continue my career. I have genuinely never been happier but probably get asked a couple of times a month when I'm going to meet someone. In fact on NYE, a married friend asked (in the middle of a large group of people) "I've always wondered what do you do for sex when you're single" to which I replied "well, I've always wondered what you do for sex when you're married.". It's my experience that most people are only comfortable with the single status in others if it is a temporary thing - they get massively freaked out by the fact that I see myself as permanently single at the age of 46. I don't care, I love it!