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Dating thread 173 - Winter is coming - 'cuffing' is optional

(972 Posts)
KermitRulesOK Wed 30-Oct-19 13:15:00

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps


Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Eesha Wed 30-Oct-19 13:28:18

placemarking! Thanks for the new, shiny thread!

MoreNiceCereal Wed 30-Oct-19 13:57:16

Checking in!

saltysally Wed 30-Oct-19 14:03:30

Excellent thread title

Jennifer2r Wed 30-Oct-19 14:06:26

I'm feeling a bit low about dating right now. I had a great 3 dates with a man from Bumble, let's call him Mr Waistcoat. He's so great and we have similar interests and he's hilarious but he's really overweight and I'm struggling to get past it. It makes me feel shallow and like I'm a bad person. But even though I feel like I couldn't go to bed with him he's the most fun I've had in dates in years. I guess I just need to move on.

lifegoes Wed 30-Oct-19 14:21:05

Checking in

NoMoreWeepingAndWanking Wed 30-Oct-19 14:49:32

Just had a hypnotherapy session. Lots to pinder. Suspect am hanging onti pain because don't want ex to think he didn't cause me any/got away with it. Just trying to work that through amongst other things.


lifegoes Wed 30-Oct-19 15:09:42

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking I understand that. My therapist spoke to me a lot about doing that. I create this mask that I'm fine, nothing can hurt me, I don't care. I actually focused so much on keeping face to them (my ex) that I didn't process how I actually felt.

But it is hard, because saving face is sometimes all we have, when the pain is real.

InTheTempest Wed 30-Oct-19 15:14:07

Checking in!

Undecidedsofa Wed 30-Oct-19 15:24:16

saying hello!

MorrisZapp Wed 30-Oct-19 15:28:51

I'm not currently dating but I thought I'd give you a laugh. Young male colleague not long out of LTR now discovering the endless opportunities of tinder.

He bragged to another male colleague about his nightly conquests and ended with 'mate, I even got wanked off outside St Paul's Cathedral!'

I can't stop laughing. If you're St Paul's lady, I salute you smile

Eesha Wed 30-Oct-19 15:37:08

@Jennifer2r is a really definite no for this bloke, do you feel attracted in the least? For me, I'm still learning about what I like and have been attracted to all sorts. My ex was very attractive yet abusive. My current FWB isn't so but makes me feel great.

Eesha Wed 30-Oct-19 15:40:44

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking i was thinking about this when watching The Affair last night, but here the woman actually told her ex husband how he had hurt her, made her feel unattractive etc by cheating. He looked at her with pity but she said not to pity her, that she had got through it and it was the hardest thing she had to do. For you I think it's early days and sometimes we do put on a brave face just to get by. Things will get easier as time goes on, not necessarily by rushing into a new relationship but you'll find yourself again.

Jennifer2r Wed 30-Oct-19 15:43:17


I think so. I do like a chunky even fat man but I think it's too much, he's out of breath getting up and down etc. I'm very active so I can just see there's activities we wouldn't be able to do together.

Eesha Wed 30-Oct-19 15:47:35

@jennifer2r well that's understandable if you aren't feeling it. Maybe you are having great dates because you know it won't go anywhere so you are very relaxed!

Peanuthedz Wed 30-Oct-19 16:12:59

@Jennifer2r I had this with my first OLD. He was lovely but he was huge, well disguised under clothes. But he was out of breath walking up my stairs. I'm really active, I walk fast everywhere and cycle. He just wouldn't have kept up with me. It's not shallow either. I felt shallow too and I really tried. But it's a lifestyle thing too and health wise terrible. I actually still fancied him but I was embarrassed to be seen with him. Awful of me.

supercali77 Wed 30-Oct-19 16:14:42

Checking in. Not much to report. One bad encounter away from appearing on the 6 o'clock news

KermitRulesOK Wed 30-Oct-19 16:16:41

@Jennifer2r I think a deal breaker is a deal breaker. I couldn't be with someone who couldn't keep up with me. I work in the funeral trade and hate the amount of people that don't look after themselves as I see the effects. Smoking is a deal breaker for me and it wouldn't matter how eligible the bachelor if he smokes it's a no!

MoreNiceCereal Wed 30-Oct-19 16:21:45

Attraction is complicated, it's not about one thing, but you can't force it either.

BackInAtLast Wed 30-Oct-19 16:51:44

Checking in too.

Bumble/Tinder/Hinge rumble on. Nothing massively exciting.

MrIhaveaMaserati went in on a first message all guns a blazing and an immediate WhatsApp request. Had an hour long phone call which was actually surprisingly lovely. Am meant to be meeting Friday but no news since Monday. He's moving back to my area so it's always a bit of the holy grail.

MrHornRimmedGlasses has had to be removed from all platforms after being totally unable to have any form of messaging without swinging the conversation round to the style, length and shaving pattern of my lady garden. After one coffee. I didn't send any pics and in the end said I warned my 18 year old DD not to send that stuff and I certainly wouldn't until I have had a jolly good tidy up down there, it's been a while.

MrlovelyShoreditch has appeared on Tinder as an interesting soul, lots of good banter and messages last night, however has no kids and mine are older teens...that boat has sailed!

MrInterestingCareerChange is seeming promising this week, but must be the only person not to have asked to move to WhatsApp yet, so maybe not?

Downside is feeling rubbish with clock change and have managed to put on 4lbs in about 2 weeks and worry I will be told I don't look like my photos....🙀😂 at least GoSober finishes this week so I can cheer myself up with a bottle of prosecco.

Peanuthedz Wed 30-Oct-19 17:26:32

Ah I'm really looking forward to my date. I feel terrible for a variety of low level health reasons though but looking forward to putting on a frock. I love a first date. All those butterflies before you get there... then you walk in and go, oh he's short/bald/fat/dull/self obsessed. And usually has terrible teeth. Actually I don't mind short or bald, mr u was both those. Im just looking forward to going out! My only worry is that tomorrow I wake up and I'm back to missing mr U again and it puts me back into post break up pain.

I'm quite offended by that St Paul's comment. It's demeaning.

SimonJT Wed 30-Oct-19 17:30:59

I hope everyone enjoys halloween/gay christmas tomorrow

@shitwithsugaron I hope it can be fixed 🤞🏽

@peanutbuttermouth an exclusive FWB is very rare, exclusivity is more of a relationship. When BF was my FWB he was having sex with other people (although there was one thing he wasn’t allowed to do) and I was getting with MrNN. If you’re already having sex and just want FWB the exclusivity issue seems a bit late.

@sunshineandflipsflops phew, pleased you’re not pregnant.

@stealthninjamum You’re wrong too, MrNN is definitely the best kisser

@backinatlast MrShoreditch, does this mean you live fairl close to me?

Eesha Wed 30-Oct-19 17:31:34

@Peanuthedz have a great night!!!

SimonJT Wed 30-Oct-19 17:32:07

@MorrisZapp It’s a bit chilly for an outdoor happy handshake!

BackInAtLast Wed 30-Oct-19 17:33:55

@SimonJT aw no he's not the local one....😂

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