Dating thread 173 - Winter is coming - 'cuffing' is optional

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

[bangheadhere40]

Ok thanks..... I'm not used to this and live in quite a remote area where there's not much choice. No one has asked me yet, apart from one straight away who I wasn't keen on.

Had a few chats but no one has mentioned meeting.

[MoreNiceCereal]

@TimeTravellingDiamond he doesn't sound like a very good friend. Maybe you need to let him go and find someone who you can properly date.

I've done FWB and FB with varying success, but ime it all gets a bit shit in the end. I'd rather have someone just for me or nobody at all.

[TimeTravellingDiamond]

I do @MoreNiceCereal. I really do. Makes me sad but it's the right thing. I'm not doing fwb anymore. It's either no good cos you don't like them much or painful when you like them too much.

[TigerDater]

I agree. My FWB has been utterly amazing from day 1 and really supportive, so this unraveling is shit - he knows he shouldn’t feel hurt, I know I shouldn’t feel bad/sad but we both do. Ugh Sunday evenings ☹️ I would be watching The Crown but I have to sodding work

[MoreNiceCereal]

Yeah that about sums it up!

[TimeTravellingDiamond]

Just feeling very low about my lonely life. It's horrible 🙁 but spending time around someone who I like but who doesn't feel the same isn't a good idea.

Probably a good thing he's pissed me off tonight

[MoreNiceCereal]

Maybe being with him has accentuated those feelings though? It would for me, anyway.

Having him around is blocking you from doing other things. Just today, instead of waiting for him to get his arse into gear, you could have done something nice for yourself - [insert your chosen interest here].

We all have limited resources in time, energy, attention span, headspace. Divert yours elsewhere, I bet you'll feel better without him taking up so much of it.

[TimeTravellingDiamond]

@MoreNiceCereal yep totally right. I'd have had a much nicer evening without waiting around for him.

I don't think I can even hide how fed up I am. I'm not going to say anything though. Unless he's got a reason this is just unkind tbh. Way too late to go get dinner round here on a Sunday night. He's alright, his mam has made his dinner. I'm fucking starving.

I got ready and look really nice and am wearing boots that he thought were really sexy. So I'm going out and then that's it after tonight. Not seeing him any more.

[unambiguousbeard]

I'm with you on the lonely life @TimeTravellingDiamond

Didn't matter when I was married. Does now. And yeah if I lived with friends/family I wouldn't bother dating. Funny though that exH has kept all his friends from premarriage while mine seem to have drifted off. Nothing to do with the fact that he refused to socialise with any of them and moaned about them so it was easier not to bother.

I matched with my first ever OLD. Seems he's single again. We're going to meet for a drink in a week or so, both reiterated that it would be as friends to offload our tales of woe. He was lovely, funny and complicated. We dated a bout 5-6 times and finally dtd then just drifted. It will definitely be just as friends too unless he has lost about 15 stone. Although even then I can't imagine it.

[unambiguousbeard]

I struggle with FWB. I had a FB but secretly I liked him enough for a relationship but he travelled for work. And I don't think he was interested. I couldn't have repeated sex with someone unless I had the feels for them. I've never tried it though so who knows.

[KhaleesiTargaryen]

On date 3 with Mr Flowers... I like him but..
He is wearing the same outfit as our first date and is chewing gum... all I can smell is mint!! We are drinking beer and it’s irritating me.

[Eesha]

@TimeTravellingDiamond glad you are heading out. Your FWB doesn't sound bad tbh but just not giving what you need right now. I totally understand the lonely feeling. TBH I personally only feel lonely when my ex is giving me crap to deal with and I think I wish I had someone to cuddle. I too have a FWB but although lovely, isn't the best emotional support either so I have to keep reminding myself that this is right for now but that I'll need more one day so to keep my eyes open.

[MoreNiceCereal]

Weeiirrrd.

[Undecidedsofa]

oh @TimeTravellingDiamond you sound fed up :(
He doesn't sound like a good friend at all.
@TigerDater at least you are being honest - it sounds like a difficult situation.
I don't think I would manage well with FWB or FB..

@bangheadhere40 I have been chatting to a couple of irons for about 5 days - no mention of a meet up yet, getting a bit fed up of waiting - I'll give them 48 hours more!

On the other hand, started talking to someone new earlier today + he has already mentioned meeting up ..

[unambiguousbeard]

Oh @KhaleesiTargaryen the chewing gum will be the reason you eventually break up then if it's the thing you can't stick now 🤣

@TigerDater that's really rough on both of you. I guess he just has to suck it up. Did either of you even realise he had feelings for you? Actually even if he doesn't have feelings I can relate to that. No one likes being second best. Even when you know that's a possibility. God it's all so bloody hard!

[TigerDater]

Bless him he is sucking it up. Kind of wish we had never started this but then the last 9 months have been infinitely better for FWB being in my life, and I know he feels the same. Argh. No more FWBs!

[Jane1978xx]

@TimeTravellingDiamond. Do you have many friends close by ? I’m
Either with my daughter or I spend time with friends. Last night I baby sat for my friend so she could go out but i had the baby for company

[bangheadhere40]

I don't have many friends 😔 I have a good friend that I don't see that much due to things in our lives, and a couple of others I see occasionally.

I used to have quite a few friends, but people seem wrapped up in their own lives....easier in a couple.

[TimeTravellingDiamond]

I just got in, feeling very very low. Luckily managed to keep myself from crying when we were in the car though.

He even said to me that I seemed sad tonight. I wasn't arsed with him but I just felt so sad. The thing that really did it for me- as a test I asked him if he wanted to do something together in two weeks time. Only a week or so ago he had been talking about going away together -and on the weekend I mentioned- dirty weekend, get out and about too. So I brought it up- 'oh I can't that weekend, it's my mates birthday and I'm going to XXX'.

I just thought yep. That's it. That's why I have to stop this. Because I deserve so much more than the bullshit. The talk of things that never come about. I'm supposed to be his friend but he doesn't care about my feelings or messing me around. I literally am something to shag and even FWB is meant to be more than that.

It's even more heartbreaking when I like him but he doesn't even care about me as a friend. I'm making the right decision to end this- as much as I have feelings for him I'm also really fed up of him tonight. Probably a good thing.

[TimeTravellingDiamond]

@Jane1978xx I don't have many friends either. Not many who live locally anymore. And they're busy in their own lives which is understandable.

I'm 31, so lots of my friends are of an age with young children themselves so it's understandable. They all have happy family setups. God I feel so useless tonight and such a failure at life .

[KhaleesiTargaryen]

@unambiguousbeard feck. I think I’ve gone off him. He’s also, despite texting after each date that he thinks I’m amazing and beautiful, not yet tried to kiss me.
Gah. He’s respectful, generous, kind, attractive. but I now feel I’ve somehow friend-zoned him!!! I’ll sleep on it. 🙄

[KhaleesiTargaryen]

@TimeTravellingDiamond I totally feel your pain. Sack this guy off. It will destroy your self esteem. You are worth so much more than what he is offering but the longer you spend with him the more you’ll tally your worth with how he treats you. xx

[TimeTravellingDiamond]

@KhaleesiTargaryen thankyou x I should have done this sooner. It's not his fault- in a lot of ways he's a lovely lad. I wouldn't have liked him if he wasn't. He's been upfront about not wanting anything serious. He just doesn't think- and I'm so far down his list it just hurts tbh. And I think his behaviour should be better given we're supposed to be friends.

It just fucking hurts when I like him 😩

The neighbour guy, who unmatched me yesterday? A year ago I'd have given anything to be seeing him/sleeping with him, whatever. Yesterday, I didn't really give a fuck, I was just so cross around his behaviour. And it made me want fwb guy, I don't want to be swiping on tinder- I just would like things to be more with FWB.

Definitely ending this for my own good.

[Jane1978xx]

@TimeTravellingDiamond. My friend range in age with diff ages of children. There’s still things to do even if you aren’t going. We have takeaway nights and today we had brunch with 14 kids. Don’t discount time with friends just because it’s not going out

[TigerDater]

timetravelling I’m really sorry you are feeling so low. Can you work on developing more friends - esp other mums - so you feel better supported generally?