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Dating thread 171: Turning over new leaves as we head into autumn

(915 Posts)
saltysally Mon 30-Sep-19 18:18:49

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps


Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

lifegoes Mon 30-Sep-19 18:20:38

I'm happy now.

KermitRulesOK Mon 30-Sep-19 18:23:23

Checking in to a honey new Fred!

saltysally Mon 30-Sep-19 18:29:26

Perfect ending. Well done @lifegoes

Notcoolmum Mon 30-Sep-19 18:35:06

The thread titles have also reflected my life so I'm grateful for a positive one!! 🤞

lifegoes Mon 30-Sep-19 18:38:30

I just wanted that one gone @saltysally

@Notcoolmum snap.

Eesha Mon 30-Sep-19 18:44:19

thanks for the new thread!

KhaleesiTargaryen Mon 30-Sep-19 20:05:13

Ditto on the positive thread vibe! Bring. It. On.
Thanks @saltysally

Sunshineandflipflops Mon 30-Sep-19 20:18:13

I hope this thread brings everyone more good luck x

SBD1 Mon 30-Sep-19 20:31:54

@lifegoes @notcoolmum

My ex is not confident with women, he’s the sort of person who won’t ask a woman out for a drink he says I’ve crushed his self confidence over the years. Whilst inwardly he has these “issues”, outwardly he does tell DS to be nice, and respectful etc. I don’t fear that DS will learn bad behaviours from him - I’ve certainly never told DS what his daddy did and I probably never would.

He does accept that he raped me, he was disgusted with how far he’d taken it. And even now when I just brought it up with him, you could see the shame on his face (safety via FaceTime!). I didn’t report it to the police but I told him how close I was to doing that. Especially as he had done the same thing as your ex, non consensual sex during sleep, for a period of time a few years before. He had ED and was unable to sustain an erection if I was awake. I’m convinced to this day he was threatened by me, both by my career success and the money earned. He never had money to spend because he earned so little whereas I did.

My decision to move with DS to where we are now was probably born out of a subconscious desire to punish my ex if I’m honest but that’s not how it is now. Now it’s because I’m no longer living under a black cloud and can actually parent. We’re happy here, I wasn’t happy in the old town we lived in. But definitely wasn’t completely because I wanted to protect DS. And that’s just me being brutally honest. I loathed him for a while and hated the idea that he had my son, even if really it’s our son. But now, it’s obvious it was the best decision to make. DS Is at a good school, our house is lovely, and I can bring DS up to be a decent human being hopefully

lifegoes Mon 30-Sep-19 20:47:37

As I said in the last thread @SBD1 it's your choice. You know best.

I think with this thread we all start looking at the positive future and not what happened in the past. I've had a shit year and would like to now move forward with positivity.

SBD1 Mon 30-Sep-19 20:50:36

Just as well I’m insanely happy at the moment! Just made plans to see Mr Cactus on Thursday and still seeing him Saturday overnight (cinema trip). When am I allowed to start getting emotionally invested ;)

(I already am)

CassandraGemini Mon 30-Sep-19 21:06:15

Hi everyone, just checking in, I haven’t posted very much but I’ve been seeing Mr Science for five months now and it’s going very well - this thread is a wealth of no-nonsense support and I have really appreciated your collective wisdom particularly as I’ve encountered the odd hiccup - usually self-doubt, he’s been great and not done anything at all untoward. But the thread has helped me process my feelings, and to be open and honest with him - rule 12 - had a wobble, told him why, no guessing no games no pretence - he was fab and listened and assured me of what he wants and it is all so very good. I’ve felt more affection, lust, desire, and love I guess, in the last five months than in the five years prior.

lifegoes Mon 30-Sep-19 21:07:34

Amazing update @CassandraGemini I'm so happy for you.

MoreNiceCereal Mon 30-Sep-19 21:12:52

Checking in!

Had a lovely snog in the carpark with Mr Chef. 😁😁

saltysally Mon 30-Sep-19 21:14:04

Congratulations @cassandragemini that's so exciting to hear

DustMyselfOff Mon 30-Sep-19 21:14:16

Watching Killing Eve because the romantic storyline is marginally more gruesome than mine...

saltysally Mon 30-Sep-19 21:20:42

Please please put in spoiler alerts for any mention of the second series of Killing Eve

Ohhh guess who forgot to turn off their linkedin search setting details so they can would be browsing in private mode. Have been looking at a lot of profiles. Now have to hope not many have linkedin premium. Aaaaaargh

Notcoolmum Tue 01-Oct-19 06:44:39

I like the idea of moving in with positivity @lifegoes
Great update @CassandraGemini
Ooh cheeky snog sounds good @MoreNiceCereal

KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt Tue 01-Oct-19 07:45:28

Checking in, thanks for the new thread. I'm having a bit of a wobble but trying to hold my nerve and see how it plays out.
There's no way on this earth I'd ever take my exh back but we had to spend some time together and it just reminded me of what a great team we were before he fucked it all up. MrY is so lovely and I'm scared I'm going to end up freaking out and hurting him. And me.
Dust I was you not all that long ago- please feel free to pm me if you need to talk flowers

Neverexpected2 Tue 01-Oct-19 09:11:07

So without wanting to bring thread down I think I jinxed myself yesterday 🤦‍♀️ and think MrWade may well ghost me.

Had a gut feeling for a week that something not same - only from messaging style - which I know can be misread so have tried to push aside however despite mentioning meeting up next weekend several times this week and again last night he waited till I sent a "we are still meeting arent we?" Type message and eventually replied, several hours later, saying he was sorry but thinks double booked something with his friends ages ago. I replied along lines of if you want to call it a day just say. He replied he didn't and had just double booked but didn't hear from him again and whilst I sent a morning message first thing he hasn't even bothered going on WhatsApp let alone read my message. He wont be able to look at phone all day now but not holding breath for a message later 🤦‍♀️

Bit gutted about this one as only one I've really liked but I'll be ok but definitely done with apps and dating for a while

lifegoes Tue 01-Oct-19 09:31:50

@Neverexpected2 I would stop messaging now and let him come back to you. He sounds either distracted or that he's backing away. I wouldn't be asking to meet up and if he doesn't reply to this message def don't text again. If he does reply depending on the message, I would hold off replying to that one also. Sorry x

Jane1978xx Tue 01-Oct-19 09:35:26

Can I join in 😬 as per my other post Friday is my first ‘date’ ever. I was with ex H 15 years as well. Date hasn’t been single (maybe baring a few flings post breakup) since the 1990s 😂😂

Neverexpected2 Tue 01-Oct-19 09:42:23

lifegoes no I wont be messaging again. Balls in his court now although i dont think I'll hear again

Dancerinthemoonlight Tue 01-Oct-19 09:59:05

I finally spoke to Mr Kind Eyes on the phone last night and it was good, we both passed the phone interview with each other. Get a text this morning saying it was nice chatting to you, maybe we should do drinks when all the surgery is out the way. I texted him back saying this time next year then as I have no idea when my surgery will be and there could be more surgery afterwards.

At least I finally know my worth and if you can't be bothered to put in effort with me, then I'm not going to put in all the effort. Me a few months ago wouldn't have sent the this time next year text so even if dating isn't going amazingly for me at least my self confidence is improving

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