Dating thread 171: Turning over new leaves as we head into autumn

[saltysally]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

I’m of the opinion that we women should never chase. So with MrHK and MrW I definitely thing NC until they bother is a good idea. I wait for Mr Cactus to contact me unless I have something I really need to tell him or ask him. And that’s despite being secure in our relationship.

As soon as I even start to feel like I’m being ghosted it is totally tempting to text and text but I learned many years ago that looking like I’m needy has the opposite effect to what I want 😂😂

@MoreNiceCereal with mine, even though I knew he was a liar (different to you I know) I just said I was walking away. When he asked why I didn't need to explain myself or justify my reasons. It just didn't suit my needs any longer. etc etc. So he has no idea it was the lying he just things it didn't suit me anymore.

With you I would prob say, something like... hey this isn't working for me any longer. But please take care.

If he asks why, just say, it's boring you or something like that 😂. Then walk away.

I think with "fading out" it never fades out. They come back when bored and you left wondering always.

Oh I barely ever text Mr HK first. I don't intend to start now! Just don't know how to handle it when he texts for another meetup. But, thinking about it, he may not. I'll leave it.

Crossposted. Thanks for that, life. I'll consider that option. Drawing a line under it may be better. I'm indecisive right now!!

@MoreNiceCereal I agree with lifegoes - for me a lingering loose end just doesn't suit at all - they can turn up months later and you ask yourself the question all over again.

Thanks for the new thread@saltysally

@FMFL - How did things go with MrBucket - did you message/speak to him?

@MoreNiceCereal I'd get in there first as well, if only to save face, he sounds like he's a man who knows he's good looking and can have his pick of women. The "don't get too attached" line would have pissed me off tbh - I'd message him today and say "it's been fun, but you're calling time on it, all the best blah blah." I bet that'll knock his ego into the middle of next week. Out of interest is he an Alpha Male type?

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Honestly? I'm surprised you lasted a month lovely! Get back on it with our blessing.

I've got a sleepover with MrC tonight - he's gonna break my heart or I'll marry him. I'm not sure which way it will go yet, but I'm enjoying it whilst it lasts and trying not to self sabotage

I've already bought my hat for your wedding @JeSuisPrest

Damn hit send. There is only 1 option!

Checking back in after a little break from the horror of OLD!

Got two irons at the moment one I will call Mr IT and the other Mr Law! First dates with both of them later this week so fingers crossed! Mr IT in particular seems like a sweetie and has a successful career - seems to tick most of the boxes!

Re the texting thing, I try not to overthink it and to be honest if they don’t reply I usually just forget .

Just been seeing how many of my common initial old questions come out in the full with no error in predictive text. The answer is a few.

@JeSuisPrest you've given me the oomph to send him a message. It's been fun, byeeee type thing.

I've just had the sweetest, loveliest exchange with Mr Goatee, and made me realise I can find someone who is wild about me, I don't need to be the bottom of a man's "to do" list, quite literally. Bah!

Mr HK is binned.

Way to go @morenicecereal. Know your worth!

@morenicecereal Hurry up and meet that lovely man!

SBD1 - he lives in America and comes here for work for a few weeks on, a few weeks off. He's home now but returns next Sunday. He wants to meet me for lunch on the day he lands. I said to him if he's too tired we can meet the following weekend but he doesn't want to wait. Sigh!

That was a wistful sigh btw! We've already met once before and he's just lovely.

That's the type of man you need @MoreNiceCereal the guy who will do anything to see you.

Absolutely. Such a sharp, clear contrast. Makes the decision easy.

Well done morenice!

Thanks jesuis ant and lifegoes. Tbh the month has flown by!

Hi @Marlboroandmalbec34, glad you enjoyed your month off and welcome back.

I'm just waiting for Mr Ad's train to get in and am looking forward to seeing him so much 😊

Well done for lasting a month 😊😁

So MrWade got back in touch. Assures me he does want to continue seeing me etc and he had just forgotten tickets that had been booked ages ago. We're trying to see if we can fit in a meet otherwise it will another week or so as I'm away next weekend 🤦‍♀️

Going to tread cautiously I think

@JeSuisPrest yes Mr B is gone but reading through some of the posts from @MoreNiceCereal has given me hope! There must be someone out there who will want to see me and not play stupid games...just have to find him now!

@FMFL one day you'll thank your lucky stars hes gone. The only guarantee you get from spending time with the wrong person is not meeting the right one x

Loving the positivity of everyone, especially in dealing with those not so nice situations. If it’s not working for you, draw a line and move on. That and the great updates from jesuis morenice and marlboro have really lifted my spirits 😃
Nothing much to report here, Have deleted a few matches that haven’t made much effort after the first flurry and made a few matches that have potential but no dates lined up yet.
Also fireman got in touch and my heart didn’t skip a beat. I’m over him! 🥳 😅

@supercali genuinely you have helped me through this so much, I have screenshots of a lot of your advice which I read through when low! I don’t know why I’m so devastated at the loss of a relationship that never was. I projected a future where there was none, I guess. It’s a hard lesson to learn but hopefully, if there’s a next time, I won’t be so naive. Thank you x