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Dating thread 163: The best response to someone leaving the door ajar is to shut it for them

(1000 Posts)
Ginmel Sun 30-Jun-19 09:42:41

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps

Ginmel Sun 30-Jun-19 09:45:35

Using @supercali77's wise advice to someone just now on another thread for the thread title

Sunshineandflipflops Sun 30-Jun-19 09:45:58

Good title, even if I don't adhere to it! Thanks @Ginmel

Lovemusic33 Sun 30-Jun-19 09:49:47

Thank you for the new thread Ginmel

I have just been in POF as Sunday morning always seems to be the busiest time (when I get the most messages). I have just received a message from a guy with the most scary profile, in most of his photos he is holding a gun (I think paintball) and his face is half covered with a neck scarf, there’s one photo without his face covered and he looks like the kind of person you see on the news for mass killings. His eyes are scary and he just looks odd. I can’t see how anyone would want to message him 😐.

So this morning has been unsuccessful, I don’t really have any irons other than one that I exchanged numbers with yesterday. POF just seems to be full of psychopaths and Tinder is a nightmare at the moment because I’m not that far from Glastonbury so it’s full of festival goers looking for a hook up in their tent.

Ginmel Sun 30-Jun-19 09:51:46

@Sunshineandflipflops it's not just you. If we all always and only did only what we knew was properly good and healthy for us, we wouldn't be on thread 163...

SimonJT Sun 30-Jun-19 09:58:13

@Ginmel We would also have a lot less fun if we only did things that were good for us.

Ginmel Sun 30-Jun-19 10:01:50

Also true @simonjt Life is for living.

Flairhead Sun 30-Jun-19 10:10:00

I'll join in on this one. There's a guy I've been messaging and we've had a couple of drinking sessions, he came back to mine the other night and ended up staying over. Not sure how things are going to go but happy to see what happens smile

Sunshineandflipflops Sun 30-Jun-19 10:13:25

Here here @SimonJT!

I had such a lovely 12 hours with MrSAS when otherwise I would have been sat on my own all day/night.

He made a comment about sending me a red rose for my birthday as it's a symbol of love but I ignored that comment as it's irrelevant under the circumstances.

shitwithsugaron Sun 30-Jun-19 10:16:48


Marlboroandmalbec34 Sun 30-Jun-19 10:24:53

Thanks for the new thread! Great title! Really need to add that to the rules.

sunshine simon life is defo for living. Yep we are on 163 and at times it’s shit but hey we are all having some fun right?

lifegoes thank you for what you said about being here when us on the crap bench need to vent

So last night was fun! Had a 3 way with Mr Big and Ms Cutie and then hit a swingers club where we ended up in a 5way! 🙈 I really wonder what I’m doing but then try and remember life is for living! All good fun

BatshitCrazyWoman Sun 30-Jun-19 10:31:55

Great thread title!

Good for you Marlboro. I don't regret any of the wilder stuff I've done - you only live once. I do regret staying married to a complete fuckwit for so long, and wasting such a lot of my one, precious, life.

Notcoolmum Sun 30-Jun-19 10:38:48

Great thread title ginmel and wise words supercali

They are words I'm living as I hit the third week of NC with Mr S. I can't say it's been easy but I know it's the right thing. I deserve a great love. Not crumbs.

I have a second date tonight with Mr Bants. He's easy to talk to and a lot of fun.

Wow marlboro how are you feeling today after that experience. Was it genuinely enjoyable? Something you would want to do again? Did you feel safe. How does it feel doing this with an iron where you feel the feelings might be stronger on your side.

Pleased you had a lovely night sunshine and I really do hope it's worth the not so great ones. I can honestly say every second I spent with Mr S was great. We had so many lovely times together from hotels, comedy nights, meals, cinema, walking, drinking, cosy nights in, great sex etc. But for me that underlying feeling that he wasn't committed to me (he wasn't swiping or anything, just still processing his separation) wasn't something I was prepared to carry on feeling. I want the real deal. Not a fascilime (so).

SimonJT Sun 30-Jun-19 10:42:21

As expected it’s boiling hot at Glastonbury, we’re off for a quick wander in the general area. There is some quality sunburn on show! Have a fab Sunday everyone.

SimonJT Sun 30-Jun-19 10:44:26

Oh also, Pyramid/mainstage at 1:45 guys!

supercali77 Sun 30-Jun-19 10:47:02

Heh. I would like to say for the record I dont want to rain on anyones fun parade. If the other party is honest about not wanting anything serious and you still choose to go with it then at least you got the choice so you know what to expect. My own situation wasnt so honest and I was denied the choice. Live and learn

Marlboroandmalbec34 Sun 30-Jun-19 10:53:24

batshit exactly the same!

notcool I did enjoy it. Just all felt a bit wild and it was a good laugh! Felt very safe. Probably more safe than been at a normal nightclub as everyone is very respectful.
In terms of feelings for Mr Big as always I feel confused. I only see him once a fortnight and every time I see him I realise he isn’t for me. We have great sex but their is a lack of passion somehow and we really are more like friends who dtd. My big issue is we message constantly and have for 6 months and I think i overinvest in his WhatsApp persona. If I never saw him again I would get over it easily but I would really really miss messaging him 🤷‍♀️

Lillyrose19 Sun 30-Jun-19 10:53:29

Placemarking. Couldn't find you all 😫. @Marlboroandmalbec34 my mind can't even imagine how a 5 way would go 😳.

Notcoolmum Sun 30-Jun-19 10:59:47

Glad you enjoyed it marlboro and I think that's a great insight into how you feel about him the person and him the WA persona. I know I am very guilty of overinvesting in a textual relationship.
I say tings on text I probably wouldn't say in person or over the phone and I think it can create a false sense of intimacy. I miss texting Mr S a lot. We did good texts. And it becomes a habit to have bat conversation going on all day and to therefore feel they are a significant part of your life. When the reality might not match up.

I've been experimenting with voice clips and phone calls although the majority of communication is still over text.

Marlboroandmalbec34 Sun 30-Jun-19 11:07:47

Exactly that notcool on WhatsApp he is perfect but in person he is just a flawed man 😂 think that’s a good idea re voice clips I might try that when I next have an iron!

JeSuisPrest Sun 30-Jun-19 12:14:37

A 5some!!! Christ on a bike that puts my bar of Galaxy to shame 😂

Just home after a flying visit to MrC - no declarations of ❤ from either of us, but I'm OK with that, for the time being. His actions definitely speak louder than words, he makes me feel the love, even if he doesn't say it. I read a quote the other day :

"Did you eat? Drive safe. Let me know you get home safe. There's lots of ways of saying "I love you", you just need to listen."

Off to catch up with the end of the old thread and start if this one...

CassettesAreCool Sun 30-Jun-19 12:50:52

Hmm jesuis in that case I literally love everyone as I say drive safe, did you get home ok to everyone! Or I’m just paranoid.

But you are absolutely right, grand declarations mean zero, and the ‘l’ word actually makes me queasy now, but actions - galaxy bars, cakes, haribos, a potted rose - say everything. For our first Christmas together, my ex gave me an electric blanket, because my houseshare was SO cold. He did love me then.

shitwithsugaron Sun 30-Jun-19 12:51:55

Marl I used to think the same about Mr Rugby, we had such good banter and connection over messaging. I thought I'd miss him a lot, but I suppose I sort of replaced him with Mr B. Who gives good text too! He's intelligent, and absolutely hilarious. His messages make me howl, even the run of the mill mundane ones he manages to turn into something hilarious.

shitwithsugaron Sun 30-Jun-19 12:55:34

About gesture of love. I'm a bit worried since our spat on Thursday that Mr B sees me as smothering and so on. When, because I know he suffers with his MH issues so badly, all I want to do is help ease his issue at the time. Because I care for him. But I think this has come across as overbearing and maybe even interfering. He has said before its situations that he has no control over that frustrate him the most, so I guess I need to learn that all he wants to do is vent rather than he is asking for advice.

BatshitCrazyWoman Sun 30-Jun-19 13:01:49

Seconding (thirding?) voice messages on WhatsApp - I so it all the time to Mr BC, and used to when I was OLD too - you get tone of voice, and other emotions, which help. I'm also a chatterbox and I can speak quicker than I text 😂 I like hearing someone's voice, too ... I got a lot of comments about my 'posh' voice. I'm not posh (I don't sound like the Queen!!) just well-spoken. That probably put some men off, come to think of it. But anyway, it's easier to be flirty via voice message and you can tell if someone is being joke-y, imo

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