Dating thread 163: The best response to someone leaving the door ajar is to shut it for them

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

There’s nothing wrong with you. Both my sister and I had grown up before my mum and stepdad lived together. I’ve never asked, but I assume she liked the space and didn’t want to live with him.

I’m not sure cohabiting is for everyone really.

Right now I cannot imagine ever wanting to live with another man. I enjoy my own company and love having full control of the remote. Well when the kids are in bed!

shitwith it’s very strange but I have always swayed back and forth on my feelings for him. I think we somehow lack passion. It’s very strange! He feels like my friend who I have sex with which I suppose is because we have been FWBs for 6 months. I don’t know am just gonna see how it goes

Seeing where it goes is all anyone can do really. Friends who have sex isn’t a horrible basis for a relationship though.

I think if you’d asked me even a year ago if I’d want to live with a man again, I’d have said ‘no way’. Honestly, after my ex I thought I’d be single for ever. I decided to try OLD because I was bored and looking for something to fill my new childfree time. But then I met mr SG

Well, this was due to be a post about how things seemed to be going great with a new guy who seemed in to me, had lots in common, had 3 dates, kissed, speaking every day for 6 weeks but after no Whatsapps from him for over 24 hours, I'm just checking in to say ah well, still not found a guy that isn't just in it for sex or anything real.
Looks like he's lost interest as not even good morning/good night texts now, I'd been initiating all contact for the past few days beforehand, so obviosuly he's gone off me. Didn't think he was the type to not say Scotgal, tbh I'm not feeling it now, good luck"! but hey I'm used to the crap by now. I'd just stopped all my dating accounts and binned the other irons last week too, that's how much I thought after 6 weeks of interest from him was going in the right direction to something.

It's Friday so got some beers and chocolate in, got my kids and furry mutts, going on a day trip with Dcs tomorrow so plenty to take my mind off that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life . Hope you are all having better luck!

Thanks all I'm fine, only have myself to blame. But it was a big accident and could have been a hell of a lot worse as it looks like car is a write off.
Legend is a great description shitwith she has been exactly that. She's just left after coming round to check I was ok and distract me for a few hours
Off camping for 3 days with her and my dog tomorrow so at least I can switch off from what's happened.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I feel similar to you to be honest. I've lived on my own (with the kids) for 18 months now and can't imagine living with a man again. Certainly not while my kids are young.

I think a 'relationship' is different for everyone and what is right for one person/couple isn't for another. I'd try not to overthink things too much and if you're enjoying yourself with him then let it flow.

Maybe this is why I am still involved with MrSAS. I don't truthfully know what I want from a relationship either and the thought of an intense, living in each other's pockets relationship scares the shot out of me at the moment!

*shit, even

crust you are completely right of course it’s probably exactly what I need right now as there is no pressure. We will see!

Sorry scotgal his loss!

So glad you’re ok Ant it’s very scary to be involved in a big collision. Take it easy, I had a big crash when I was younger and went into shock about 3 days later

Exactly that sunshine I am only 12 months separated and whilst the idea of a big lovey relationship is nice I like my life as it is, I don’t want a man moving in with me. I don’t want to compromise or have to overly consider anyone else and I guess I am frightened of opening up. Mr Big and I will be taking it slowly!

Someone talk me down? Tmi warning!

Maybe I'm expecting something that isn't realistic or the norm. I was only ever with stbxh for nearly 20 years. We lost our virginity to each other. The men I've slept with since leaving him have not "finished" without self help. Is there something I'm not doing right here? I'm feeling a bit confused and feel that I am the only common denominator here so maybe my experience/skills are lacking somehow.

@Morenicecereal no it's them. I was with STBXH for 20 years too. First guy after pulled out and tried to impress me by telling me that he could make his load reach the ceiling (not quite sure why he thought I would be impressed with that ?????). Second one had been married for 15 years and he & ex- wife apparently used the pull out method as she didn't want to get pregnant, so he could not finish in me as it was just ingrained in him to pull out towards the end. Last one I was with for a hookup finished inside. Seems to be luck of the draw but it's definitely not you!!

morenicecereal a friend tells me they've probably been watching too much porn and think that's how it should be done.

I do wonder about the porn thing.

Hi I have the porn thing too I think. Similar to scotgal I binned the other irons as things were getting serious with one. He‘s getting another chance next week - as such a top bloke and I was really feeling it - but not sure there is way back from that experience ....

morenice too much porn and too much wanking. It’s a death grip thing (google it) Defo not you!

Really hope looupdate and Mr Shakes are having a nice evening

I do wonder about the porn thing

It's an obvious thing to blame but I am unsure if it is the real cause, the total ubiquity and ease of access even to the non it literate is actually a fairly modern thing, no-one over 40 grew up with it. You can understand 20yo boys having a twisted understanding of sex...

What I don't get is how someone like me with zero relationship experience can easily recognise behaviour regularly described on here, as being very dysfunctional. Isn't it me whose supposed to be the weirdo? Sorry I can't really add any clarity to the conversation, It's as confusing from my male perspective as it is to the poor souls it's being inflicted on

ant did you get checked out at the hospital after the collision? Sorry you’ve been through this. And bat I’ve been meaning to say, I thought of you at your mum’s funeral. It’s good that it’s over, mr bc was there for you and all, but in the end it’s your own inner strength that sees you through these things, and I think you have that in spades 💐.

And loo, honestly if it is this complicated and loaded, might it be better just to back off from each other completely?

Marlboroandmalbec, do you know if there is any easy way back from the death grip, which does not involve massive support from me?

Ahh thank you Cassettes I did struggle yesterday but Mr BC said it didn't show and that he was proud of me. Which meant so much ....

Ant I hope you're okay and MsHair sounds like a keeper - when the shit hits the fan, you can see how great people are (or not).

shit glad you had the conversation. It's hard doing it all on your own so of course you need someone who'll support you.

Loo I agree with all the others, I'm afraid.

@Ant330 crikey I'm glad you're okay, and what a wonderful woman to respond like that!

Mr 5in1 and I had a picnic last night. I made him bring dessert and I brought main, he impressed me with fabulous cheesecake! Went to a gorgeous nature reserve to eat it. Very nice experience. I like him. He'd mentioned in text that he'd been to an escape room this week and I was a little too obvious in asking who he had been there with, and he laughed and told me it was a friend not a date 😳

Sleep over tomorrow! 😁 Waxing appointment at 9am, somebody tell me it'll all have calmed down and got back to normal by the evening 😳😂

Marlboro I will thanks, MissH is keeping a very close eye on me at the moment 😂 and clearly she'll be doing the driving this w/e which I'm quite glad about.
Cassettes no I didn't but I've been lucky enough to walk away without a mark on me, just a sore neck and back which is to be expected. Wish the same could be said for the car, muppet!
Bats glad yesterday is done for you, sounds like you dealt with it admirably!

Ah, I don't want it to be porn. I hate it. I know that can be a divisive opinion so we don't need to talk about the ethics of it or anything, but I hope Mr TBD doesn't watch it. Or at least much. It would reduce my estimation of him, in all honesty.

He's a very nice man, I am unsure on certain points with him but who is at such an early stage, even in a fwb scenario? We had a nice time overall today.

I'm back. No update on DTD as my train was majorly delayed (trip to London and back). We've rescheduled for tomorrow. The cynic in me suspects he was relieved. My question is this: why are women supposed to put up and shut up, and even massage a guys ego when this happens? Yet the man doesn't offer any explanation or reassurance TO US. Double standards? He was extremely shady in giving an explanation for his ED, and after I probed a few times he blamed his ex for cheating on him. So, how come I'm supposed to meekly accept any crumbs of excuse thrown my way? Yet I'm also told my own experience with my ex is irrelevant? Is this sexism? Poor male ego. Fuck womens ego.

if I was MrShakes I would be worried that you saw me as nothing more than just a penis

Why? Because weve had 10 dates and I expected sex by now? I must be a massive slut right? Feminism is dead indeed.