Dating thread 163: The best response to someone leaving the door ajar is to shut it for them

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Thanks, I think I sort of know it’s going well and so I don’t want to spoil it. I didn’t expect to meet someone I actually really like so soon and that makes me question myself. It’s a steep learning curve this dating stuff!

Glad you're okay Peanutz, and still here on the smitten bench. Nota I would mention a third date, definitely. Much better to be straightforward about stuff. If he reacts in any negative kind of way, well then you've found out early on that he's an idiot.

Well I messed things up with my iron if 4 dates by having a bit of a hissy fit of jealousy....
He won’t give me a second chance even though I apologised quickly, so maybe in the long run that’s a good thing.
I feel shit now though, most likely want him all the more now I can’t have him.
POF Tinder and Bumble are full of the same old people so maybe need to come off for a couple weeks and just chill. It’s hard though - as said upthread, I miss the messages and kind of feel lonely and unloved

After chatting loads last week and Friday night, Mr Psych went a bit quiet over the weekend (although I know he had his kids to so understandable).

We had mentioned meeting up tomorrow evening but as he had been pretty quiet since that mention, I messaged him this morning so say hi, hope you had a good weekend and are you still up for meeting tomorrow.

He replied and said he's still up for it if I am and we'll chat later (he works at a place where phones aren't allowed so no day time messaging).

I'd like to meet him but I also don't want to be dropped at the last minute because tomorrow is my only child free evening of the week and MrSAS has already asked if I'm free! I'm such a planner and can't do last minute or 'relaxed' planning!

@Sunshineandflipflops - if he’s still saying yes today then I’d go with Mr Psych. You never know he could be the one, and you always know mr SAS will be there for you...

@shitwithsugaron
Total insecurity on my part. He said a lot of lovely positive things. We got on great, talked about the Summer, going away etc etc but his actions seemed different: always on POF. Said he was going to sleep then active on WA for ages. Don’t mind either of those, but it’s kind of the opposite to what he was saying....

I could have handled it a bit better though whereas I just threw my toys out the pram. He doesn’t do drama so decided I am too much like hard work; when in reality I am actually not. It’s just the trust issue takes time.

But I kind of think if he’d liked me enough he would have given me another chance not just walked away

sunshine why not play MrSAS’s own game - make arrangements with him, but if Mr Psych comes through for tomorrow night, send Mr SAS a breezy text that something has come up and you can’t make it. It’s what he wants, after all, casual dating! (I know it goes against the grain and seems rude, but needs must.)

@CassettesAreCool Yes, that's probably what I should do but I can't bring myself to because I'm TOO FUCKING NICE!

To be fair, MrSAS has never let me down or cancelled on me when we've made arrangements.

savoretti in my book ‘doesn’t do drama’ = ‘Won’t meet someone else’s needs’ so probably you are well shot.

Sunshine I get the ‘being nice’ thing but it’s a tough old world out there and you have to choose whether to be nice to you is more important than being nice to everyone else (hint: it is!)

@CassettesAreCool That's just it though, I feel horrible if i've not been nice to other people...it's just not something that comes naturally or easy to me.

@Savoretti I know it doesn't solve your problems now but I would seriously recommend not looking at someone's online activity once your conversation has ended for the day/evening. No good will ever come of it. I have the blue ticks and 'last seen' function turned off and if I could turn the 'online' off when you are online I would. I actually prefer texting for this reason - much less of a headf*uck!

I have to say, if a guy questioned me on my whatsapp activity then I would probably run.

Morning all. Not been around a lot as it's been a pretty manic family weekend, and my god wasn't it HOT!!!

Marlboro Go You! a 3some and a 5some! That's setting the bar pretty high! not at all jealous

Just checking back in to the thread as things are all over with Mr Lorry. It was my fault for glossing over a couple of misogynistic "funny" texts..... I should have let him go at that point, but I have this terrible way of ignoring what I don't want to see and making people what I want them to be. Still, I got there in the end and he's heading into the sunset taking his terrible politics and disablist views with him! Onwards and upwards! I've joined POF now to mix things up a bit as after 2 years I seem to recognise everyone on Match!! How mortifying..... New irons include Mr Chef, who gives poor text but is ginger which makes my heart beat faster! Mr Confident, from Fab so may be a player. Mr Grieving, who is depressed bless him - nothing will come of this. And finally Mr Retired, who sounds like a catch and therefore I have decided is much too good for me. Hello to all the newbies here and good luck everyone.....

@Savoretti The modern age of dating is a headf*ck, and though I agree that checking WA and OLD status is a hiding to nowhere the fact is there were mixed signals. To be honest, given my experience and seeing threads on here, i'd almost be inclined to see talking about holidays/future events very early on as ... problematic

Irrespective of whether you could have handled it better his words were incongruous with his actions which never inspires trust.

@shitwithsugaron Someone ghosted you after 4 months!?!? What the hell?

Thanks guys. It really is a headfuk @supercal* but it’s sooo helpful to get others’ views. I was beating myself up about it; but actually yes it was a bit much to be making plans so early on.... and it was his words vs actions not matching that made me feel insecure rather than me being insecure I think.
Onwards and upwards....
I still have Mr StilltooMarried to fall back on. It’s going nowhere but we are friends now and it’s all kind of cool. That’s what I need at the moment

@shit it’s just the total dishonesty isn’t it. It’s hard enough to trust again after marriage/long relationship breakdown without the hassles of OLD crap as well....

Bloody hell shitwith that’s awful

@shitwith - that's awful. How did you find out though? I suspect the same from my last OLD experience..