Dating thread 163: The best response to someone leaving the door ajar is to shut it for them

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Checking in!

Went out with friends last night and probably drank a bit too much... Caught the eye of a spectacularly bearded man, we made out in the karaoke bar and he joined the group down to the beach where I disappeared into the dunes with him for a while. I ended up giving him my number but I'm not fussed if I see him again. (Tho it was fun, don't get me wrong)

I feel like I'm living a second adolescence since splitting with my ex and I'm loving it!

Great to hear you had a good time marls - you're braver than me!

All good with me. Had a discussion with eldest dc this morn about meeting someone new and he said he wouldn't want me to 'hide' anyone from him - so hoping t speak to exh soon about bf with a view to them meeting soon 🤞

Just checking in.

Great title. I think the whole OLD is gaining experience. I've personally been very hurt in a relationship I should have walked away from in the start and believe me, the pain IS worse as it goes on. The hope actually destroys you and leaves you in bits. To the point I needed therapy. I learnt from that, that I will never ever go against my gut.

My last OLD I knew after first date, but gave the benefit of the doubt for the second date. He then proved me right and my gut was right all along.

Whilst I agree life is for living and it's not fur living to get hurt or living in hope someone will change their mind about us.

If they can't give me what I need. Then I'm walking simple as that.

MrSAS has jus asked me when my date of birth is and when I go on holiday so that he doesn't miss my birthday.

He also asked me if I am free in the week (on my child free evening) and I told him I wasn't sure. I didn't tell him that's because I'm potentially going on a date with MrPsych. Maybe I should have. I'm not doing it to play games with either of them though, I'm doing it for self preservation because I want to be enough for someone.

Good for you telling him @Sunshineandflipflops he can be lovely all he wants. Let him keep doing that, he's made it clear he can't give you what you deserve, so he has to know what he could lose by having that attitude with you 😉

sunshine stay strong x

@lifegoes I have a similar mindset. I'm happily prepared to walk away if things aren't right. I'm debating another roll of the dice on fab but even there I won't be rushing to meet anyone.

Self-preservation is a good thing @Sunshineandflipflops

Hey everyone...checking in. I've started my 48hrs of crazy PMT which I have every single fecking month. I feel murderous and generally crazy. Have explained this to MrTall and I expected him to run screaming towards the hills but he actually said I respect you for telling me and I'll give you your space to rant, scream and shout and when you've finished give me a shout and we'll go out! He's a proper love and calls me peaches and sweetheart!

Wow, @Marlboroandmalbec34 a 5-way?? Trying to think of the logistics and can only think of arms and legs everywhere!

@Sunshineandflipflops please protect yourself...MrSAS is having his cake and eating it too. I'm way over invested in protecting you!

@SimonJT if we're still seeing each other MrTall and I are doing the next Glasto.

Keep smiling everyone...great title OP and I'm off my face on liquid morphine

It's strange one @Ginmel I think last year I would have settled/ignored certain red flags. But now OLD is making me a stronger person and really understanding my self worth.
You should def give Fab a go. I've not been on it but I've heard some great stories from here and like all OLD sites. It has its bad share. But you have nothing to lose and everything to gain x

@Ginmel fab is ok as long as your expectations are low. I met a lovely FWB on there and although we no longer have the WB I have made a F. We message and meet for a beer like any friends would. You'll be inundated with messages so you can pick the ones you feel are for you

@lifegoes and @kermitrulesok Thank you. I've been on fab before and now have my filters locked right down. That along with a clear message in my profile means I normally only get messages from guys looking for similar to me. It's not a bad site, actually. I had more wrong-uns on pof.

I feel the same about self-worth @lifegoes. I'm certainly in no rush.

Agree @Ginmel that at least people are upfront with what they want on fab. No mind games or game playing I suppose. Good luck ☺️

That is what I like about fab @kermitrulesok People are really upfront. Makes life so much easier.

Yes @BatshitCrazyWoman I'm fine. I'm really good actually. I'm getting comfy again on the smitten bench and planning on staying there for a while. Mr U turned up, took one look at my face and apologised profusely. He explained everything. He was partly being a dick and partly it was due to circumstances. He also hadn't thought about it from my POV ( no shit) re child free time etc He made us go out and find an open bar and have a chat and catch up. So all my arguments about him just wanting a shag and a bed we're no good. He also looked incredible. I hadn't realised how done in he'd looked. He'd spruced himself up and I was so pleased he's out the other side of the stress. So I did tell him how shit he's been but he did apologise. It is definitely partly a cultural thing as well. And today we had a conversation about where we are, albeit a very vague one. He said he never ever expresses his feelings. He told his ex about his feelings at the end of 5 years just before they split. I'm not a huge one for expressing affection either. I don't need the l word. So I'm taking it that when he jokingly says things like, I'm doing xyz because I love you that's him expressing himself. We then spent the morning with his employee and it was great. I also discussed some of his personality traits and it made me feel better. I said to his friend, and so why do we put up with him and he said because he's a top guy. And it's true. He (mr u) wanted me to spend the entire afternoon with them. But bearing in mind he's Unsuitable and his employee is 25 years younger than me I left them to their young men's pursuits. So all is really really good. And thank you for the support last night. I needed it! @shitwithsugaron I hope your outcome is just as good.

Checking into the shiny new fred!

I have a date in about an hour with Mr Travel. Dinner and cocktails. His messages are sometimes not pitched quite right but that could be awkwardness. Might not be a long termer but I want to take him home at least once as he is hawt. I'll see how it goes.

Impressed by the 5way!

@Sunshineandflipflops sounds like a lovely day but that you have your reality specs on. I wouldn't mention other dates. There is no need really.

Oh yeah the 6way. Blimey. All those arms and legs!

5! 5 way. 6 would just be silly

Hi! Can I join you all. I'm in the horrendous dating game, could do with moral support!

Welcome user 👋 off course you can join.

Just fell out with Mr Banter, I was happy to meet up as friends which is what I thought we had agreed too but he kept sending me messages saying how he can’t wait to snog me and telling me how much he fancies me, I kept saying I just wanted to be friends and see how things go. Tonight he sent me a message asking when we can meet and I agreed to meet in a couple weeks time, he then said “that’s a date then” so I said “no, just friends meeting for a walk”, he then got all funny with me saying how he’s such a nice guy, why wouldn’t I want to date him? In the end I got pissed off and told him that I didn’t appreciate the way he talks to me, he calls me “fitty” and uses text slang (his messages are what you would expect from a 15 year old, not a 45 year old). He’s now told me I’m being rude 🤣. Oh well, maybe I am? Or maybe I’m just being honest with him?

I’m in serious need of new irons but I think I’ve been dating so long I’m running out of options (same old faces on the sites).

‘Fitty’? Seriously? 🤮 personally I can’t stand any pet names whatsoever, but that is particularly objectifying.

Fitty, I have heard a lot worse. I won’t reveal the ones I have used as they make little sense without context.

I hope you’ve all had a good Sunday, we’re getting packed up and ready to leave Glasto, I will not be ready for work in the morning and I suspect MiniMe will have a grump on a nursery.

Sounds like the straw that should break the camel's back @Lovemusic33 He isn't respecting your boundaries. Get rid now.

I'm not about to start dating anytime soon, but I just wanted to say what a fantastic thread title
Best wishes to all of you that are looking to date.

I actually have on my profile that “my name is not hun, babe or sexy” 🤣, I hate pet names, even more so from someone that doesn’t even know me.

I’m talking to a new guy, he seems nice but hasn’t been single that long after a long marriage. He’s pretty hot though and ticks a lot of my boxes.

I’m stuck at home with the new dog that won’t leave my side so I’m spending a lot of time trawling through the dating apps.