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Why does he do this?

(855 Posts)
Sausageroll123 Mon 03-Jun-19 20:31:53

Been with partner for 2 years. Kids involved (not jointly). We live separately.

Anyway. If we ever have an argument it always ends up with me being treated the silent treatment until I have basically harassed him in to talking to me again.

Currently happening right now. I saw he'd liked a photo of a semi naked girl on social media and said it upset me slightly. He turned round and said this isn't working, and has now ignored me all day.

Whenever I bring up something I'm unhappy about that he's done, I get the same 'this isn't working', and then however many days of silence until I can get him out of it.

I just don't understand why he does it?

Namastbae Mon 03-Jun-19 20:33:10

How often does this happen?
Does he ever bring up things you've done that he's unhappy about?

Michaelbaubles Mon 03-Jun-19 20:33:11

He’s conditioning you to do only what he wants and act only in the way he likes. That’s why he does it.

Ellabella989 Mon 03-Jun-19 20:33:52

He sounds like a passive aggressive immature twat. I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t able to discuss things without trying to dump me every time he heard something he didn’t like. Get rid!

EAIOU Mon 03-Jun-19 20:35:22

Maybe he isnt happy and doesn't have the courage to actually say it.

You definitely should not be made feel insecure about yourself or relationship.

HypatiaCade Mon 03-Jun-19 20:35:42

So he ignores him and you run around him trying to get his attention. He has you at his beck and call, why would he NOT do this?!

Soon, you will begin to alter your behavior to avoid getting the silent treatment. Next time you won`t express that you don`t like something, or you will downplay how you feel about it.

He does it because it works. If you continue letting it work, he will continue to do it.

Stop chasing him. And when he eventually comes back (which he will, trying to make you feel bad for not fawning all over him) tell him that the next time he ignores you like that, he loses you. And mean it.

Sausageroll123 Mon 03-Jun-19 20:36:11

This happens maybe once every 3 or 4 months, and I have a few days of not knowing what's going on.

If it's the other way round then no i don't give him the silent treatment

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge Mon 03-Jun-19 20:36:13

Dump him. Why settle for that?

bobstersmum Mon 03-Jun-19 20:36:53

He can see that by doing that he eventually gets let off whatever he's done and gets you grovelling when it should be him. I know someone just like him. It's all mind games

Sausageroll123 Mon 03-Jun-19 20:37:55

The last time this happened I thought I'd stay strong and not hassle him, but by day 4 I'd still not heard from him! We're in a committed relationship, most of the time great, so I just don't understand why he does it confused

QueenBeex Mon 03-Jun-19 20:38:12

Why do you put up with it? I wouldn't.

Pearlfish Mon 03-Jun-19 20:38:15

He does it so that he does not have to justify his inappropriate behaviour or admit that he could be in the wrong.

MonicaBee Mon 03-Jun-19 20:38:27

My ex behaved really like this... he used to talk to women behind my back and if I found out and confronted him, I’d be the one in the wrong for snooping.
Easier said than done, but you’re better off without x

Singlenotsingle Mon 03-Jun-19 20:38:58

He likes to play the victim. Poor baby!

Sausageroll123 Mon 03-Jun-19 20:39:05

Apart from this weirdness he's a great partner sad

TooTrueToBeGood Mon 03-Jun-19 20:39:22

You don't live together, no kids together and he pisses you off enough that you reach out to the internet for support. The question is not why does he do this but why are you with him? In the nicest possible way, give your head a wobble.

Sausageroll123 Mon 03-Jun-19 20:40:26

He never pisses me off normally, only when he does the silent act, I was just wondering really if anyone could shed any light on to why he does it

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge Mon 03-Jun-19 20:40:32

He does it because you accept it and go back for more.
He isn't a great partner op....

AnyFucker Mon 03-Jun-19 20:40:50

He is not a great partner. He is a controlling dipshit.

Totaldogsbody Mon 03-Jun-19 20:41:48

Give him the silent treatment back, dont stand for his nonsense. He's trying to control you , don't let him.

Bluntness100 Mon 03-Jun-19 20:43:15

I don't think thr question is why he does it. It's why you put up with it and stay with him.

So he punishes you if you ever tell him something you don't like till you're begging him for attention.

I think you need to raise the bar a bit. He's training you never to articulate so he can do as he pleases.

That's not a great partner. It's an emotionally controlling and bullying piece of shit.

TooTrueToBeGood Mon 03-Jun-19 20:45:02

Apart from this weirdness he's a great partner

Weirdness makes it sound almost cutesy. There's nothing cutesy about it. What it boils down to is when there is something you disagree on, his strategy is not to discuss it rationally like a mature adult but to shut you down and blank you. How can you expect to have a fulfilling relationship with that?

RedSheep73 Mon 03-Jun-19 20:45:07

Why do you bother trying to win him round each time then? sounds like he's looking to get out of the relationship

springydaff Mon 03-Jun-19 20:45:25

Take your pick.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 03-Jun-19 20:45:26

He does this because he's a controlling, manipulative fuckwit of a man child. Get rid.

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