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I am onit, hear me ROAR (occasionally)

(983 Posts)
onitlikeacarbonnet Mon 02-Apr-18 21:50:53

Thread no.5 shock

Hope you all find me or I’ll just be talking to myself.

fraggle84 Mon 02-Apr-18 21:53:36

Hello! Was just checking in to see how easter went

Mix56 Mon 02-Apr-18 22:15:52

still with you Onit !

onitlikeacarbonnet Mon 02-Apr-18 22:16:42

Had the dc back last night and so we had easter today. We decorated eggs this morning and went out in the horizontal sleet hmm to roll them down a hill.
Had a pretty quiet family day till their wee pal appeared for a sleepover.
Think they might be asleep now. Just.

Spent the previous 3 days working though the bf was here too. We had a nice time but I really miss my dc a lot when they’re gone for more than a day or 2.

Found out this week where lcb is taking them on holiday; to a place we’d promised to take them.
He let them know the night they came home from meeting the bf and a couple of days before I took them away for the night with some of our wee group of friends.
We had a ball. But it hit home that I’ll never be able to take them to all the places I wanted to.
However, after our night away, and the memories I know they’ll have made, I don’t feel as shitty as I once would have about it.
I can’t spend a lot on holidays or “stuff” but it’s not that important. It’s only money. It’s not love.

ChanandlerBongsNeighbour Mon 02-Apr-18 23:03:31

Hello! LOVE the new thread title!!

NightLion Tue 03-Apr-18 00:40:10

Hey Onit,

You are one fierce not-to-be-messed-with woman (and don't you forget it!).

Glad you had a great Easter. You are right - holidays are immaterial - it's the day to day stuff you do with your children that counts.

It is so good to have you back sounding stronger than ever!

Stormsurfer Tue 03-Apr-18 01:07:36

Hi onit, we hear you ROAR!! And it's getting more frequent and stronger each time!

You are right, they need day to day love and attention - not fancy holidays.

TeisanLap Tue 03-Apr-18 04:22:49

I hope he's taking them to Disney because that really will make him Disney Daddy. In fact we could all chip in and get them Tshirts for going. His will say Disney Daddy and the childrens will say " I came to Disney with Disney Daddy"

My SIL makes me and my brother wear special Tshirts when we all go to Disney. I'll ask her where she gets them made.

TeisanLap Tue 03-Apr-18 04:28:08

Sorry - Im glad you took the kids to role their egg down a hill. I havent heard of anyone doing that for years and when I'd tell people its what we used to do they look at me as if Im bonkers. In fact I had to tell about half a dozen people about it on Easter Sunday and I was left thinking - did I imagine I used to do it?

I can recall us going out in the car with the family on Easter Sunday and my grandad always finding a hill in field full of daffs and cow pats. It was like walking in a minefield. We'd roll our egg down the hill hoping it wouldn't land in cow pat and when we had our picnic surrounded by cow pats he'd sit there saying 'breath in, its good for you lungs'!

onitlikeacarbonnet Tue 03-Apr-18 07:58:14

The weird thing is I don’t remember egg rolling as a kid. And I did the whole Sunday school, church with gran, brownies thing.
But, now, even though I’m as atheist as they come, the dc believe (still taught Christian values/go to church at festivals etc), it seems more important to do these things and not just chuck 20 chocolate eggs at them.
I love your story TeisanLap smile and would be very interested in your SIL’s tshirt source wink.
They got 3 each (at home. I think a lot more at their dads) which enough.
One from the easter bunny (me), one from the bf and one from my friend who is catholic and who’s culture is very big on easter.

I found something out that I’d like your thoughts on please. It’s curiosity really as it’s likely irrelevant to me but I’m wondering about what my dc will make of it when they become aware.
OW has kept her married name though changed her title to Ms. I know her xdh had told her he wanted his name back and, if we had no dc, I’d’ve changed mine immediately. However, the baby hasn’t been given lcbs last name. He has hers. Or rather her ex husbands. Why? I think it’s very strange. Is it? And what
I know the baby is lcbs. He looked too much like my ds at birth to not be. And I know they’re still together and planning to be for the foreseeable (they’re all going on holiday to DLP in August).
It is odd, isn’t it?

NightLion Tue 03-Apr-18 08:47:16

Lol! That must wind up your ex no end!

I can see where you are coming from regarding it as "odd", but my view is that when OW married her ex, his name became hers. Not just in a legal sense, but in the sense she owns/identifies with that name, and it is hers now, in as much it is her ex's by birthright.

As for not giving her baby lcb's name, I guess it's because they are not married, and the baby is hers, just as much it is lcb's, therefore, why shouldn't the baby have her name? But my personal belief is that children should have their mother's name and follow the maternal line as oppossed to the father's patriarchal line as historically this is bound up with patriarchal society, property, ownership etc.

Being a controlling twat, I expect lcb would be very unhappy with this arrangement. Lol!

TheLastNigel Tue 03-Apr-18 10:13:09

That is a bit weird. I'm glad I didn't change my name when I got married. Subconscious must have been telling me something! The DD's were meant to have my surname as their middle name but h 'forgot' to put it in the birth certificate when he went to register dd1. The girls have asked if they can change their names to have it as a middle name but he would have to agree it and I don't think he would.

onitlikeacarbonnet Tue 03-Apr-18 10:19:52

I get that it’s her name. Just as his name became mine. And it’s maybe relevant that I only want to change mine in order to get rid of a bit more of him whereas she might not have that given she did the cheating and has since tried to persuade her xdh to let her back into his life as friends. This was last summer and I haven’t been in contact since autumn.
She will soon be traveling abroad with the baby so perhaps just wants to have the same name on their passports. I won’t be going on a plane anytime soon but it’s the only reason I’m even contemplating keeping his name though I’m thinking of making it a middle name or double-barrelling it.
I can understand her thinking (kind of) but really can’t see his. At all.

TeisanLap Tue 03-Apr-18 10:54:45

Onit, don’t let a passport stop you from changing your name. Just get on and do it if it would help you feel better.

I have a feeling you’ll both need letters (to hand) from each other to travel with the kids anyway so it matters not a jot that you don’t have the same surname as them.

NightLion Tue 03-Apr-18 11:12:17

Onit, Do you mean you can't understand LCB agreeing to the baby not having his name?

NightLion Tue 03-Apr-18 11:43:47

Onit, I totally understand where you are coming from. My view is not conventional.

I also understand you wanting to change your name, now that you are no longer a couple. But as you correctly point out, it is your name too.

I wonder if OW not giving the baby lcb's name is something to do with you, your children and lcb all sharing the same name (and her being the odd one out)?

I wonder if you being known as Mrs (lcb's name) winds her up, especially if its a name she hopes to claim for herself in the future?

A lot of second wives hate the fact that their husband's first wives won't change their names after divorce, so both women are known as Mrs lcb.

It is interesting to speculate, and I understand why you are curious. I'm curious to know lcb's point of view too.

TheLastNigel Tue 03-Apr-18 20:37:12

You don't need a letter from him to travel necessarily-long version of birth certificate has always done me fine and hopefully will this time too...we are going on holiday on Sunday-i can't bloody wait!!

Boysnme Tue 03-Apr-18 21:49:55

Your last post got me thinking about when we were little and would climb a huge hill to roll eggs down them. We’d also go sledging down the same hill in winter, this year you could have done both on the same day!

onitlikeacarbonnet Tue 03-Apr-18 22:38:40

They had a friend sleepover last night and they decided to do the sledging this morning.
In sleeping bags.
Down the stairs.

onitlikeacarbonnet Wed 04-Apr-18 02:30:53

Have fun on your holidays nigel!
Send us a postcard smile

AgathaF Wed 04-Apr-18 08:17:59

Morning everyone. Stairs sledging - what a lot of fun (if a bit uncomfortable!).
I can understand your curiosity about her name and even more so about the baby having that name. I wonder if she doesn't ever intend marrying lcb and/or changing her name to his, as if she did intend doing that then she'd surely have given the baby his name. As NightLion said, that must be something that would wind lcb up. Did your dc tell you about it? I wonder if they were privy to some kind of discussion about it at their house?

TeisanLap Wed 04-Apr-18 10:55:47

The weird thing is I don’t remember egg rolling as a kid

I was brought up as RC so maybe its one of our 'things'

But that said I gave my sons care team a huge Easter Egg for them all to share. I knew they'd never have seen anything like it. It was massive. grin Anyway one of the guys asked one of the others to get a hammer so they could break it and I said 'no you roll it'. They were very surprised and asked why? And that surprised me because they are all practicing Catholics but where they come from they'd never heard of rolling an easter egg. In the end they rolled it down the stairs repeatedly and it ended up all over the place. grin

Customs are a funny thing. I was in the Phillipines last October and everyone had had their Christmas Trees up from September. Even the malls had them up, and they were playing Christmas Carols and songs. Its called the "BER' season and I was thinking BER for BRRRR its freezing even though it was roasting hot but its not, its BER for September, October, November and December. Christmas goes on for more than 4 months well into January. shock

Mix56 Wed 04-Apr-18 14:05:48

re the surname.
I think ( am certain ) ( its because they're not married. she will be using this as pressure to get married. Then once they are married she will use a double barrelled name to differentiate from yours.

TheLastNigel Wed 04-Apr-18 16:05:01

I love a touch of stair sledging. We had a go is f a tray the other week which was possibly dangerous but we got some good speed up on the top but of the stairs anyway. The bend on the half landing proofed difficult.

This holiday was meant to be to celebrate my divorce grin. Well I'm still not bloody divorced-but screw it-we will go anyway and have a great time if it kills me. Next year back to a weeks rainy camping, but this year we will holiday like bosses (and try not to think about what else we should be spending the money on confused)

onitlikeacarbonnet Sat 07-Apr-18 21:41:33

Enjoy your holidays nigel and your lovely dc too smile
And don’t scrimp! Worry about it when you get home.

I’m catching myself telling the dc a lot lately that “we can’t afford” this or that.
I need to watch it. I don’t want them worrying. Though it is worrying me more and more.
It’s becoming a bit obsessive right now. I seem to spend almost every evening doing sums and writing lists of outgoings.

Still haven’t found a budgeting app I like but keep fiddling with my system. Can’t get it quite right as every week there’s something I haven’t thought of like lightbulbs or needing new gardening gloves.

But anyway, have a ball ginwinecake

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