I am onit, hear me ROAR (occasionally)

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

Thread no.5

Hope you all find me or I’ll just be talking to myself.

The gf has/had a salary, is it are likely he/they are strapped ?
I agree he will have done is maximum to hide his money. unless he has bought a much bigger/costly home ?
Anyway, not your problem, if he doesn't want to risk going back to court if he can't afford legal professional, then he will have to capitulate.
2 weeks if more than enough time, he hasn't replied because he doesn't want to have to agree. (remember his agressive constant pestering...)
I would say "In the best interests of the DC, This is what is happening, if not, back to court"

I sent him a message on Friday after a conversation with my dc. They said again they wanted to come home on Sunday and they wanted me to ask their dad.
That’s pretty much what I put in the message.
I got a reply thanking me for the info but they were too young to decide who’s house they should be in and that I should not put the idea in their heads that they can choose.
I was also chastised for telling them that he’d been formally asked to reconsider the arrangement as the uncertainty could manifest in increased anxiety.
I guess that’s his way of mitigating the issues ds has had since the change of routine).

When ds came out of school on Monday (seeing me for the first time since Friday) one of the first things he said was “I decided I want to stay at my dads on Sundays now. I wasn’t tired today”.

I sat with him last night and talked to him about manipulation.
Wasn’t talking about this in particular till I thought he’d caught on to what I meant.
He didn’t want to look at me. Cuddled in but with his back to me. I told him it wasn’t his job to keep either me or his dad happy. That it was our job to make him happy. I asked if he knew why his dad wouldn’t allow him to come home on Sundays and he didn’t know. I said I didn’t know either but his dad must have a reason. That he was the only one of the 4 of us who wanted it so he must be able to explain it.
I talked about parents making sacrifices for their dc. But that I loved making them happy. That that was what made me happy.
By the end of our chat he’d turned to face me and said he wanted to come home on Sundays. I told him that i wanted him to think about it. Not all the time but to give it some thought. I said we wouldn’t talk about it for a week. And if I did he had permission to tell me off. I said I wanted to hear his opinion without feeling like I’d influenced him.
I really don’t know what I’m doing.
It feels so wrong that my ds is being pulled this way and that.

What a prick LCB is. You are doing fine. Sounds like a good approach, maybe let the school know about his anxiety ? Does he have an opportunity to talk to anyone there either alone, or with other kids about anxieties?

Did you ever go back to look at FP?

Onit, you are dealing with this issue with DS like a goddess. Well done
LCB, true unto himself.
how old is DS now ?

Mine regularly gives me his opinion on what the girls should be told and shouldn't... and how we should parent the girls etc and I used to listen and agree with him even-Until I realised that often meant I was lying to the kids or actually disadvantaging myself on his behalf.
And I remembered what a skilled manipulator he can be and realised I was being sucked in again.

So now I'm teaching myself to trust my own instinct on how honest to be with them. I'm still pretty scared of his reactions tbh... but I'm trying to teach myself Not to feel
Like that too. Baby steps. You can do this x

Hope things are going ok onit

Thinking of you onit. Hope things are ok.

Another one here, been wondering how you are? Hope life is treating you well. Your sure do deserve it onit.

Hiya!

Life’s been pretty quiet. No contact with LCB since last Monday when he dropped the dc’s things off after taking them to school. I leave the boot of my car open and he dumps their things in there. Just a text.
But Monday afternoon I got an email about mother’s day which has me wondering what to do for the best.
A few weeks ago I asked him if he would allow the dc to come home on mother’s day. I work during the day and the dc and I just wanted the chance to spend a bit of time.
I was amazed when he agreed with a very short, “ok that’s fine” type reply and let the dc know. They were also surprised but happy. I gave it no more thoughts and started planning what we could do in the couple of hours before bedtime.

Back to Monday. The email says his plans have now changed and if I want to see them, I’ll need to go and collect them.
He knows I work till 5. He’s an hour away. Basically I’d be bringing them home to put them to bed.

Writing it down and reading it back,it doesn’t seem that unreasonable.

I’ve already asked my dsis if she can collect them. And the bf has offered (though nether of us think his becoming involved is the best option, hence asking my sister).

The other thing that’s on my mind is his complete lack of response to my solicitor. It’s been a month since he received it. I’m in 2 minds about chasing it. Do I send him an email to try and avoid more solicitors fees or do I just contact my solicitor to start the ball rolling on lodging the motion with the court?
Given he’s not replied to my solicitor I think it’s unlikely he’d reply to me.
So any suggestions would be welcome.

Glad things have been relatively calm Onit.
I'm guessing He has to make a MD gesture to the other Mother of one of his other children... & is coupling this with enjoying making your life harder.
You know why he hasn't responded, he can't afford his own solicitor. So he has decided to ignore it, that way it will only move forward if you pay.
I would send him an email, saying your require response. (it costs nothing) he will probably ignore you, then you have to go with the Solictor's letter. Sadly

This thread is getting close to 1000 posts
I’ve started an a new thread. Here’s the link to it.

I hope you all join me. I know I don’t post as often anymore but that’s because I AM stronger and I AM moving forward.
A lot of that is because of you. Knowing you’re here for me. With support and friendship I will always be thankful for.
I’m stronger because you gave me strength.
I’m moving forward because you showed me it was not only possible but that it would be better than what I’d lost. And you were right.
I’m proud of where I’ve got to but I most definitely did not do it alone and I will never stop thanking you all for it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3544241-I-am-Onit-hear-me-ROAR-Thread-5?watched=1

I would just let him know that your sister will collect at agreed time as you are working so you will spend time with them after work.

Fathers day his weekend or yours, if it yours then you need to think how you are going to handle him demanding to see the children then.