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Major decision - I need to be fair. Urgent!

(321 Posts)
splendidisolation Thu 23-Nov-17 10:38:42

Dear Mumsnetters who read my first thread, I really really need your help making a decision. I need to decide by tonorrow morning at the latest.
My full thread is here: https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3012669-Hes-from-the-country-Im-from-the-city-feel-like-am-slowly-dying

Its important for context.

We went to see two houses in The Town.
House 1 we both liked and it had a garage (his major must have criteria).
House 2 I absolutely loved and he was less fond of. It had no garage. We went to see it because he said if he fell in love with the house he would do without the garage.

I got a call from the agency today to say the landlords of both houses are happy to rent to us.

The problem is House 1 they want us to take now. I have to give 3 months notice on my current flat. So it basically means I have to pay double rent for 3 months, as well as pay put roughly £2000 (first month, deposit, agency fee).

House 2 I still have to pay the £2000 but no double rent as it is to let from February.

I say I, because he doesn't have the money to help at all with this. We're splitting the rent 1/3 him and 2/3 me because I earn more, but he is low income and wont be able to start help pay rent until he has moved out of the other place (like most people).

I dont know what to do.

Clearly I want House 2 - I love it and the handover period means no unnecessary expense - perfect.

On the other hand, having a garage is very important to him and House 1 fits that criteria.

On the other hand, I feel like I've made sacrifices and now its hia turn.

On the other hand, we're supposed to be a team.

On the other hand, all the money side falls to me.

On the other hand, thats an unhealthy power imbalance if I go ahead with House 2, surely?

Please help, I cant see the wood for the trees. I want to be fair.

splendidisolation Thu 23-Nov-17 10:41:03

I should make it clear that he has a very very marked preference for House 1.

namechange2222 Thu 23-Nov-17 10:43:22

You love house 2. I think that as you are paying the majority of the rent / deposit if you can not reach an agreement, go with house 2.
Yes a garage is very nice but not usually a necessity

MyBrilliantDisguise Thu 23-Nov-17 10:43:54

So you think you're going to end up paying 2/3rd of the rent on a house that he loves and that you don't want? And double pay for three months?

TheWorldIsMyCakePop Thu 23-Nov-17 10:44:52

2 no doubt about it - you just cannot afford number one with the immediate hand over and if he cannot either, then it's a compromise that needs making (by him)

Toohardtofindaproperusername Thu 23-Nov-17 10:44:57

Decide between you if you can afford house 1. All cards in table. Let him make decision about whether it's fair for lots of money to go into double rent so he can have a garage.
Rethink- drop both houses as unsuitable for now ... Unless you can renegotiate on house 1.

Amy good? No need to answe that but I'm not sure why it has to be either 1 or 2 if both actually don't work for you right now financially or other. It's crazy to double up rent for 3 months.

splendidisolation Thu 23-Nov-17 10:45:12

@namechange2222

Thanks for replying!

The thing is though, it's often the man who earns more, and I'm pretty sure that if the roles were reversed and a man was using the fact that he was the main earner to call the shots the MN reaction would be that that isnt right?
I'm confused

sleepyhead Thu 23-Nov-17 10:45:43

Not many people would be able to afford double rent for 3 months. You would be crazy to consider it.

Honestly, this isn't about being fair, it's about not being willing to literally burn several thousand pounds for nothing.

If he doesn't like house 2 then you just need to keep looking.

WelshPooch Thu 23-Nov-17 10:46:01

House 2 and try and rent garage in the area.

JontyDoggle37 Thu 23-Nov-17 10:46:04

Honestly? Flip a coin. It really comes down to personal preference as you can afford either house, albeit at more of a stretch for one. At least that way, neither of you gets to resent the other for forcing your preference on the other.

confusedandemployed Thu 23-Nov-17 10:46:20

Actually I think you should wait. Neither house is ideal.

AdalindSchade Thu 23-Nov-17 10:47:31

Why is it 3 months? Are you still in a fixed term period?

splendidisolation Thu 23-Nov-17 10:48:34

@Toohardtofindaproperusername
I think what I'm struggling with is House 2 DOES work for me financially AND I love it.

The part I'm struggling with is whether its fair and acceptable for that to trump what HE wants. I'm not sure it is.

But I think I have some resentment going on because we had a conversation a month ago where I said "be honest: if I had given you an ultimatum and said it was move to the city or nothing, wpuld you have moved to the city?". He replied "honestly, no".

I think its colouring my view, I need to sort things in my head.

Apileofballyhoo Thu 23-Nov-17 10:48:38

Neither house is suitable for your needs. Keep looking.

onalongsabbatical Thu 23-Nov-17 10:49:08

Well, if I were you I'd try and swing it for house 2. You seem very respectful of him and mindful of not using your power for ill. So I think you have dispensation to argue for the house you love, unless his lack of garage would make him really, really miserable and resentful. Is the garden big enough to put up a decent shed, and could he have that instead? I know it won't take a car, but I'm guessing the garage need is psychological as much as strictly car-related, and a shed for his manly other space might cut it, and wouldn't have to cost a fortune. Any help?

Apileofballyhoo Thu 23-Nov-17 10:52:11

I was on your other thread and oddly, was just thinking about you yesterday btw! But I think you are not seeing the wood for the trees here. Neither of those houses are suitable, so unless it's a case that houses very rarely come up for rent in the town, I would let them both go. I absolutely wouldn't consider paying double rent of the amount you've said.

splendidisolation Thu 23-Nov-17 10:52:19

@onalongsabbatical
No, garden definitely not big enough for that, we would need to rent a garage (which to be fair is what he does now).

I could afford the double rent for House 1, I would be skint but I could do it at a stretch.

I like House 1, its just that I love House 2.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 23-Nov-17 10:52:28

Yes but it's mainly your money that would be being wasted!
Totally wasted.
Why does he need a garage?
Could he rent a storage container nearby?
I agree that house 2 is ideal for you.
But for both of you neither is perfect so keep looking.
What would house 1 say if you advised that you would like to take it but can't move in until February?

Apileofballyhoo Thu 23-Nov-17 10:53:45

When I say not suitable, they are not suitable for you as a couple. House 1 is not suitable as it's too expensive. House 2 has no garage.

greeeen Thu 23-Nov-17 10:53:55

You absolutely can not make this decision based on the fact that you will be paying more rent. That is what you have agreed on so he should have just as much say. But I think you know that based on your responses. If roles were reversed I'm sure plenty of people would be saying financial abuse.
The paying double rent for three months is a completely different matter. I think it's completely fair to say you are unwilling to do this. I wouldn't do it or expect DH to.

AlternativeTentacle Thu 23-Nov-17 10:55:13

Could you afford house 2 on your own without his money? If so just choose it and if he comes with you then great but if not, you at least have a house that you can afford in a town.

another20 Thu 23-Nov-17 10:55:42

Why aren't you moving to the city? Is that not what you want?

All these boring Qs that you cant answer above about garages (yawn) are because it is a dull option for you. Dont do it sounds like you are being buried alive....

greeeen Thu 23-Nov-17 10:56:21

posted too soon. I would look for a new house to avoid future resentment on either side.

Itsonkyme Thu 23-Nov-17 10:57:28

You could explain to House 1 renter about the 3 months notice and say that you can move into their property in February. AND would give them the £2000 deposit, (non -refundable) as a holding fee.
My son rents properties and would probably wait a couple of months for the "right" person. But would need some non-refundable deposit from them, in case they pull-out, for whatever reason.
If they won't go with this I'd take House 2 and get a shed for the husband. Btw, why does he want a garage so much? If it's for his car, hard luck, most people's cars live outside. But if he needs his "man cave", get a shed.

splendidisolation Thu 23-Nov-17 10:58:03

@AlternativeTentacle
Yes I could afford it alone, and that option has crossed my mind...

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