Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

The Dating Thread Number 123: We're so over over-investing

(1000 Posts)
Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt Fri 06-Oct-17 15:31:58

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt Fri 06-Oct-17 15:34:45

Phew I think it worked. smile I didn't realise we were running out of space so I hope you approve of the title...

Graphista Fri 06-Oct-17 15:37:09

Checking in - I clearly need the advice.

Lovemusic33 Fri 06-Oct-17 15:46:10

Marking my place. Definitely over investing grin

AntiGrinch Fri 06-Oct-17 15:56:37

Checking in. Good title!

dailydance Fri 06-Oct-17 16:16:56

Thank you. smile

@Lovemusic33 - I’m giving OLD another shot. I’ve never had a healthy relationship so I don’t really know what’s “normal” treatment. I’m an abusers dream. I’m hoping to learn a lot from here re establishing boundaries

SerialMistakeMaker Fri 06-Oct-17 16:28:29

Thanks COUCH I understand the breadcrumb reference now lol although it doesn't really apply to me as i don't really 'do' social media, I'm like the guy in that video link that was posted on here lol I do have WhatsApp though!!

I like the submaring reference too and it's something I've definitely had experience of. In fact it's something that I'd like everyone's advice on later if that's ok smile

SerialMistakeMaker Fri 06-Oct-17 16:29:51

Oh and I wanted to ask what a Loo update is, I'm assuming we don't all share our toilet habits lol

Shayelle Fri 06-Oct-17 16:37:20

I want to date!! Want to meet someone nice confused in real life tho.. dont want to do internet dating. WHERE ARE THE NICE MEN?? smile

whatisgoingon1 Fri 06-Oct-17 16:43:17

Hey,everyonesmile
Thought Id check in onto new thread albeit I'm probably not ready to update fully yet. Thanks for all your messages re my crap Mr Banker situation!

Lovemusic33 Fri 06-Oct-17 16:50:55

shaye I would love to meet someone in RL I just don't have the opertunity to go anywhere. I have. Hey but it's mainly older people that do it and it's not a very sociable hobby. If i do go out to a local pub it's always the same faces. It's also much harder to approach people as you get older, it was so much easier when I was 17 grin.

Shayelle Fri 06-Oct-17 16:57:30

Soooo much easier when young i agree grin

PhoenixMama Fri 06-Oct-17 16:58:37

Shaye How on earth do you date if you don’t do OLD?

PhoenixMama Fri 06-Oct-17 17:00:00

Hope you’re ok Whatis?

PhoenixMama Fri 06-Oct-17 17:00:25

And Been THANK YOU!

User0000 Fri 06-Oct-17 17:33:35

I love these terms!! Seems so common!
I txt the ghoster, saying 'i take it yesterday was a one off encounter' and he rang me waffling for a solid 2 minutes telling me how busy he'd been today and sorry if i felt neglected or used that wasnt his intention. And hes happy for 10 and beyond more encounters. Im glad i text but i still think that there's something off as he could easily sent me a decent post sex message last night. Perhaps I'll cool off the contact

anxiousnow Fri 06-Oct-17 17:50:31

Just learnt the submarine name, thank you. I have a submarine but he doesn't just do it to me. He does it to everyone. He stops texting etc too. He also does it to his Mum and sister. He says he just has to when going through it. What does this sound like? His sister confirms he does it to them too.

1DAD2KIDS Fri 06-Oct-17 19:48:02

Well I have popped the question to contract so to speak. I have told her that I like her a lot and would like to try something serious. It's currenty unread and if im honest Im bricking it.

I have not been in this situation for years, since I fell for my ex wife. But yes I think she's more than worth the investment to see were it goes. She ticks a lot of the boxes and there is just a feeling about her that I can't describe (that I have been probably hiding from myself too). I must admin I got a bit attached to her when we were seeing each other. I have sort of deliberately avoiding this sort of thing till now.

What if she says yes? It will turn my current world upside down. Honestly if she says yes it will be a massive change for me and sadly saying good bye to some good people. But for some reason it feels right.

Of course I could be shot down in flames (that would at least mean I remain in my current comfort zone).

Shayelle Fri 06-Oct-17 19:51:22

Phoenixmama- i havent been dating since I split up with my ex 18 months ago. Ive read the horrors of OLD and dont think it would be for me confused

SerialMistakeMaker Fri 06-Oct-17 20:05:39

Hi 1DAD I'm new to the thread but have read all of the last one. I was rooting for you to tell her how you felt but didn't get chance to post a message lol

It's great when you finally get that feeling about someone, I'd love to find it myself!!

Got my fingers crossed for you grin

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt Fri 06-Oct-17 20:17:22

Shayelle but you're tempted aren't you? Once you start the hope that you'll find a good one is strangely addictive. We can help you try to avoid some of the pitfalls and with time you will grow a thicker skin! Sadly though we all seem to have to make the same rookie mistakes. It's like some bizarre initiation ritual... Don't let me put you off though!

Love I'm now playing guess the old person's hobby.

I think I'm going to have a focussed POF night. I might see if I can find Mr TaiChi... There used to be a username search on POF but I can't find it. Any clues where it's gone?

1Dad how did you meet Contract? I forget. Was she an RL encounter?

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt Fri 06-Oct-17 20:19:22

SMM you have staying power to read a whole thread. Just the quality you need for OLD!

SerialMistakeMaker Fri 06-Oct-17 21:06:02

BEEN You're right, staying power and a thick skin is neccessary, although I'm taking a break from it at the mo as I've had my fingers burnt too many times sad

PurpleSweetPeas Fri 06-Oct-17 21:13:26

Checking in to the new thread!
Love the title Been.

Lovemusic33 Fri 06-Oct-17 21:15:16

1DAD good luck, I hope you get a response soon and that it's a good one. I wish I was as brace as you.

Mr Mountain messaged me just as I got to work, said to message him when I get home, I'm now home, have messaged and I'm guessing he has fallen asleep or gone out (probably fallen asleep).

Been I will give you some clues on the hobby, it's something that could be more than a hobby if your really good at it, although it probably doesn't seem like it to people that don't do it, it's pretty male oriantated and a lot of older people do it because it can take up a lot of time. I quite often bump into people whilst out who have the same hobby, most are over 50 and a bit excentric smile. I do have other hobbies such as going to the gym but despite being surrounded by fit men most of them are wearing head phones and are in their zone.

This thread is not accepting new messages.