The Dating Thread Number 123: We're so over over-investing

[Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Odd. Can't you change that in your settings/preferences, or whatever they call it?

Probably, I have given up going on there but still getting emails. I think I have only had 2 or 3 people come up in a 30 mile radius.

Dieu I like the OKC site and the score based matching system (as lomg as everyone takes the time to answer all the questions accurately and are fairly open and honest by nature). The trouble I have with it is that very few people use it so the selection is very limited. Also the date I went on the other night she said that she liked me because I was one on the only people who didn't send her an unsolicited dick pick. Not sure to what extent that is the norm on other sites but dosent sperm well for a lot of the men on Okc.

Lovemusic33 well I have a pretty high drive but I have found throughout my adult Life this has fluctuated now and then. You are for what ever reasons on a high point. Now is the time to fill your boots and explore, especially after a sexless marriage. No only caveat I would put on that is due to the link between emotions and sex you need to both be accepting of taking on emotional risk and managing it within safe limits. It's easier said than done. But in many ways this is and exciting time and you have lots to learn about yourself that I think will be of value in a LTR.

Hi everyone I am just looking for some advice about match.com I had a date on Friday he was very full on and I want to block him on match, can I do that?

As I don't want him to see I'm online but I've paid my subscription so I want to use it without feeling uncomfortable that he can see I'm in there. Help

Love have you messaged Mr Mountain yet to say you're free next week and you wondered if he could fit you in for a date and sufficiently raunchy sex later so you know that he's got more than vanilla on offer? In my experience fellas are crap at telepathy

Yellow hello! I was wondering how you were the other day. Is it a sign of a tragic life when you're wondering about people you've never met?! Glad you're doing OK despite having to see Mike Hunt on most days.

Dieu hello!

1Dad have you figured out how you'll remove FWB from the equation or are you waiting until you see how it goes with Contract this afternoon?

Well I've been cruising POF to no avail but I must admit I'm putting in no real search and rescue effort.

So I just went on Match to see if I could work out how to block him but all the message between us have gone. Does that mean he has blocked me?

I don't mind if he has but I would still like to know how to do it for future

I don't know Strarting but can you google match and block user? On POF it's next to his message in your inbox.

Also wondering about 1dad's FWB!

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt I am cautious by nature when it comes to dating (think we have all had a few let downs in this game). I have lead the conversation with fwb to just plotonic normall chit chat at the moment. So I think it's prudent to see how today's date goes (and subsequent date maybe) to ensure me and contract are on the same page before I push the destruct button and burn all my bridges. I think that's fair enough considering the ficleness of OLD?

Been Yeah we did meet in a public place and went for lunch somewhere busy. Thankfully. I would have been a bit freaked out if we were alone and he came onto me the way he did.

I woke up this morning feeling disappointed. It's scary to see how someone can be so different online to their 'in the flesh' persona. I didn't get over-invested but I had high hopes.

He did text at about 1am (think he might have got drunk?) saying 'hope you're okay.' I haven't replied.

1Dad fair enough - as long as you don't drag it out!! I don't think you will though. Plus it's not as though Contract is an unknown quantity. You just have to see if you get on well out of bed!

MyUser it is always disappointing when the reality doesn't live up to the hope. I am fascinated by that aspect though - how we can feel so bonded and compatible and then on meeting pooof, nothing. Hence I just won't over-message before meeting. I'm glad you were in a public place. When I read that someone's off to a stranger's house for a first date I just don't understand it. Will you send him a thanks but no thanks message so he knows he's never going to get an invitation for a drunken 1am shag?

Eek - I've sent Mr TaiChi a text. And breathe...

So my date for tonight has been in touch to confirm the details for tonight. Which is nice.
Is it bad that my expectations are so low that I expect ghosting/canceling come date day
Still going in expecting nothing tho.....No disappointment then.

That's nice Spring I like good manners and a bit of chivalry.

Under-investing is the only way to go. It's at the top of my dating survival kit now!

Been I will message Mr Mountain later, I'm still trying to stop myself from telling him I'm a sex addict . I'm not sure what to say to him, I have told him that I have most of next week off, pretty sure I will be seeing him next weekend but not sure if I can wait that long. I need to find out if he is really vanilla or if he was just on his best behaviour.

Interesting and I'm glad I found this thread not just because of the honest (blunt but necessary) advice on my recent escapade but to get a sense of the OLD 'rules' and it's actually reassuring that it seems ok to have fb/fwb while also looking for a relationship. I too have a high sex drive, always have, and I have discovered lately a liking for kink too, the difficulty is in finding a relationship that also includes that. So difficult. If you put anything of that interest on vanilla dating sites you get guys only after sex, if you put the relationship thing on casual sex or kink sites potential 'friends' think you'll declare undying love and become a bridezilla type stalker after one shag!

Hmm maybe I should set up my own site to cover the middle ground? (C) Graphista 2017

Unless anyone knows of one?

Tinder keeps crashing my phone (really impacting my mn ability ;)) does tinder make anyone else’s phone crash?

That's my problem Graph. I really want a relationship but sex is really inpmportant. I have had a few FWB which is great but I would love to find someone with a similar sex drive to me that wants a relationship. The trouble is when trying to start a relationship you have to try and take things slow, not see each other too often and get to know each other as friends. I'm finding it frustrating because now I have tried the goods I want it all the time . Since separating from my husband 2.5 years ago I have not really gone any longer than 3 months without it (which seems like a life time).

I'm not sure about Kink sites and how they work, I joined one briefly out of curiosity and had a number of messages, to be honest a lot of the men seemed nice compared to those on POF, I was only on there for one day and was asked out by several men, all asked to take me out to dinner (not just jump straight into bed) but also asked if I was a Dom or a Sub.

My experience same, the people I meet on casual sex/kink sites are better mannered and polite than on 'vanilla' sites

Sex important to me too I would not stay in a sexless relationship - surely the point of a romantic relationship is its difference from friendship. Ex was crap in bed, I was so hurt after split (he cheated - claimed our relationship was sexless - bullshit!) that I was celibate for 9 years (but had plenty of toys). At that time I didn't know about the fwb thing it would have suited me, then did discover it and got a new lease of life.

But yea I think there needs to be a way to find that balance of romance and sexuality.

Me too Graph I've met lovely guys on NSA sites - all honest about what they want (at least to me if not to their wives!). What amazes me is the number of men who have their wife and kids in Cornwall or Wales while they live in London during the week and get up to all sorts. Not with me I might add - I always tell them to put the effort they put into changing my mind about me seeing them into romancing their wives. It seems that when we can be honest about wanting sex and not a relationship a lot of the crap behaviour falls away.

Grinch refers to me as having two heads when it comes to dating. My FB head and my relationship head. She's quite right as I think it's very rare that you can cross over from one to the other and I have my bonding prevention rules (!) to keep me from over-investing in an FB. That said I'm gently attempting it on the back of 1Dad's example.

Love have you sent your message yet?!!

Been I haven't messaged him yet, he usually messages me after 6pm. I'm still trying to decide what to say without sounding too keen or like I'm gagging for it ,I'm useless at these things, most of our messages involve just asking what each other have been up too and talking about what we are watching on tv, I need to turn the conversation around into talking about our next date and sex.

Love I love writing stuff for people! I wrote my friend's POF profile and within a month she'd met a great guy and a year later they're still together! I feel entirely responsible and she threatens me with a revolting bridesmaid's dress from time to time by way of thanks!

How about: "my work schedule's pretty quiet next week. I was wondering if you fancy rejigging things on your side so we could meet up on either or to go for another walk and, maybe, carry on from where we left off last time?"

Job done. Subtle but enticing!

Thanks Been, I will message him in a bit and see what he says, if I have to wait until next weekend then I might go crazy 😜

Messaged him he has a busy week at work so I can't see him until next weekend ,I have to wait a whole week and for what? Vanilla? If I'm going to teach him a few tricks I need to see him more often.

Now how to keep but when I have most of the week off work?