The Dating Thread Number 123: We're so over over-investing

[Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Someone on Tinder has just asked me if I would like to go to Athens with them next month OLD is crazy, I have never messaged this bloke, he's sent me 2 messages, I can't even remember swiping him.

Lovemusic33 bloody hell he dont mess about. I wonder what his plans are for you the week after.

1DAD is off the market. It was a lovely afternoon date. She stamped her claim to me quite firmly. When she called me her boyfriend it was a shock to the system. But I thought no, fair one, I like you, let's give it a go. It's odd after the last few years of trying to be any thing but a boyfriend I feel like a fish out of water. I think I will need to learn how to not hold back anymore. I will take a little adjusting. But it was nice talking a walk along the river and holding hands. Only time will tell if it works out as we get to know each other more. But she is really good and beautiful woman. We have lots of shared values. On a values front I know she is golden. I feel she is someone i could completely trust and that is very important to me. Turns out our time apart she was thinking about me as I was her. I need to commit and focus on getting to know her, see how it pans out. I think sometimes we can get lost in the sweet shop of OLD thinking is that the best one, what about that other or what is on the market in the future. I so doing so we may never commit to dedicating some proper time to someone and finding out what they are about.

Love I guess the upside is that at least you know so won't be wondering if he's free to see you this week. A shame though. Keep on iron hunting!

1Dad or should that be 1Boyfriend? I do think that some of the sweetshop stuff is about timing. When I came out of my marriage I didn't want a relationship - just NSA. There comes a point to many daters where the idea of a relationship becomes increasingly attractive and it's just hoping we find someone we're compatible with who's in that phase too.

Anyway stop dodging the question . What's the plan for telling FWB? Women are terribly curious creatures - do tell...

Not updated since last week, well been on two dates with Mr Samename and he’s lovely. We ended up DTD on the first date and then saw him again in the week. He message loads, we’ve made plans to see each other this week and he doesn’t give any red flags. My problem is having been cheated on my ex and then treated badly in last relationship I’m scared of falling for him and getting hurt again. I know he’s not seeing anyone else from what he’s said. When do you have the exclusivity chat? xx

flowergirl5 I think most of us have been hurt by being cheated on. But what do we do? Go though life not taking on board romantic risk ever again and thus never really being in love again? Or do we mitigate the risk as much as possible by only risking with someone we can be a sure as possible are not a risk? I think if we find a good one we need to be brave accepting there maybe a risk. I think everyone has different rules of engagement when it comes to calling exclusivity. If your ready for it claim it. Say you want to be exclusive and see if he is on the same page. If he's not then maybe you are looking for different things.

flowergirl5 I think you have the chat when you realise not being exclusive would hurt you. It sound as if you would feel upset if you found out Mr Samename was in fact seeing someone else, so maybe the time is now for you. Sod rules. If you're dying to say something, say something. I hope it goes well for you.

1DAD2KIDS Great to hear your news. Good luck!

Thanks Pringle and 1Dad. He does seem really nice and has also been hurt in the past. Guess I need to enjoy the attention and see what happens. We both appear to want the same things and like the same things xx

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt I am formulating a plan with fwb. A text I think explaining the situation. Like I said she knew I was vanilla dating, so is she. We only talked about this last time I saw her a few weeks ago. We started with and in theory we are on the rules of No Strings. But yet I suppose if get to know someone It's never that easy. To be fair its a bit of a bitter thing for me too as I will miss our friendship. But sometimes you have to cut ties with the past to sail to the future. I just need to gather the mental strength to say good bye, I know it will disappoint her regardless of the technicallities of our arrangement.

Flower I agree with Pringle. If you have something to say then say it. When you have the exclusive chat also mention taking down dating profiles then there's no doubt in anyone's mind. Enjoy it!

My date was fine. Nice guy but too 'nice' for me. Chat didn't flow and definitely no chemistry. Not sure if it was nerves but still, no 2nd date.
I'm giving my other irons a wee prod instead.

Evening all

1DAD congrats, I hope all goes well for you

SPRING are you a bit like me and find the 'nice' ones a little boring, then fall for the bad boys and get my heart broken lol

So, I decided to dip into POF yesterday and today and I can confirm it's still the same as last time i was on there, still get the ones with no profile pics asking if you want to hook up - why would I want to hook up with someone I can't even see??? Lol

Hey guys! Placemarking as I'm still lurking when I can!
Erm... not so loved up anymore. Bit awkward actually not sure what's going on but I feel I'll be back on here pretty soon

Oh no pip!!! I thought you would be the happy ever story.... When will I grow up and realise it doesn't exist.

I feel terrible! Think I've hurt him a lot.
I just wasn't feeling it, not ready for anything half as serious as he was wanting. He was speaking about marriage and everything
He was very very very intense and I just couldn't handle it!!!

Yikes, definitely best to bail now, rather than a year down the line. Intense isn't for me either. It puts me right off. It does feel shitty when the other person is hurt but it's one of those things and can't be helped, I'm sure he will much prefer you being honest about it.

Oh Pip I can't do intense any more. It has me breaking out the red flag bunting I'm afraid. So sorry though. Are you OK?

Pip sorry things are not going as well. The word marriage would make me run a mile.

So, was talking to Mr Mountain last night and he is desperate for me to stay over next weekend. This isn't possible as I have no one to look after my dc's over night ,I am now considering letting him stay here. This would mean him briefly meeting my dc's which could scare him off but maybe it's best to get it out of the way rather than in a few months time? My dd's both have ASD and I'm always worried that this will put people off. If he comes over it will probably be a couple hours before they go to bed and Sunday they go to their dads.
I also managed to get him to do a little bit of sexting last night but nothing too raunchy.

So my date with Mr Scottish was ok but a bit 'meh'... Nice guy, nice looking, a bit serious maybe for me, but nothing wrong with him. But I just wasn't feeling it.

To make matters worse he messaged to say he had a really good time & would like to see me again I haven't replied yet!!

Mr TaiChi replied... a lovely reply. It starts with "hello gorgeous" and ends with "I'm still sitting here surprised to be texting you but I'm so pleased that I am". (If you're reading this Mr TaiChi - sorry but I'm dead excited and had to tell someone).

Thank you for all your good thread advice and 1Dad you got me over the line with Contract so thank you!

So now I need to move his mindset about me from NSA to dating... a 15-month gap should do that I hope!

By the way we met on POF!

Hi everyone.

1DAD yay!! Here's to your new chapter!

Urgent since: Mr HNL has rescheduled for Tues, then I had to reschedule for tomo. Have messaged him twice asking what time, once last night then again this morning. He's seen both messages and not replied. In the event that it's a let down can I have some tips for a breezy but firm and sexy reply? A small ask I know...

Hi all, I was on the last thread, can't believe how fast these threads move!
Pip I don't know how long you'd been seeing him but talking of marriage is pretty full-on. You've def done the right thing to pull back now if he was too intense.
1DAD congratulations, seems like you'd only been here 5 minutes!
Lovemusic how long have you been seeing him and how old are your DC? This is something I'll have to deal with too at some point, its a tricky one.

My situation - I had second date with Mr Wig on Friday which (I think) went brilliantly, he stayed over at mine. We had a really good time and it was very relaxed. We have been texting since but not arranged another date. I did make a gentle suggestion that I hope we can meet again soon but no response yet. I have had so many people just vanish on me that I'm not going to get any hopes up yet.
I am also still talking to Mr Irish who is going to come and stay for the weekend in a few weeks. We had amazing sex but he is very long distance and has caring commitments so we both know it will never be more than an occasional thing.
I also met up with another semi-platonic friend at the w/end. Lovely to see him but not relationship material. Which is good because its pretty much stress free!
I've not been chatting to anyone else online as I've just got fed up with it for the time being. Too much effort for tiny chance of any reward.

Ruby I have only been seeing him for 3 weeks so very early days, my dd's are 13 and 11. I have spoken to dd1 about possibly having someone to stay at the weekend and she's ok with it, youngest doesn't really understand due to having more severe ASD. It's hard to know what to do, if I don't introduce them early on it makes it tricky to see each other as he's too bust during the week and I work every other weekend ( so only have every other Sunday when we are both free and I'm child free). My dd's never stay over their dads due to him living in a B&B so I never get a child free night. I know it's very early but we do have friends in common, my ex's new partner also knows him so he's not a complete stranger as such.

Lovemusic if it was me I'd be worrying about what happens if it doesn't work with out with this guy? how will you feel about having introduced him to your DC then? I guess your 13 year old will be aware that if you are having a man to stay over then sex is going to be happening.
its really tricky I know. I don't know what I would do in your situation.
Is there anyone who could babysit your kids overnight for you?

No one to have my dc's and they get upset if they stay away from home due to their ASD. I'm not sure how aware dd1 is about sex. I have had irons stay over before and I have explained to dd that they are just friends. Dd is oblivious to what room they sleep in as she goes to bed by 9pm and doesn't get up until late at the weekends (so we would be up before her). I am quite open with dd and she knows I OLD. Ideally it would be better if someone could stay here with the dd's whilst I stay at his but it's rare that their dad will offer to do this.